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Did a bad trip start everything?


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Yea I had two bad trips back to back. I had been fine up until that point.....no anxiety no warped thought process or anything. Then on that first bad trip I had I felt like I was in my own world separate from everyone else. It felt like everyone was on a completely different "vibe" than me. I was fine after that trip but it negatively influenced my second one and I had the same warped thoughts and screwed up anxious feelings....then after that trip I couldn't smoke weed without those feelings returning....and everything slowly got worse and worse until the DP hit. I feel like if I had of tripped the same amount of times but those last two experiences would have been positive then none of this would of happened.

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I gotta say, a bad trip ruined drugs for me, well watching my girlfriend nearly have a stroke and die on meth started the realisation that drugs could really do harm, but after that my own bad trip ruined drugs for me.

Me and my wife used to be hard core, well kinda anyway. We met over a meth pipe and did nothing but smoke it for like a week. No issues. We then got kicked outta where she was staying cause the chick who owned the house was kinda pissed at us for shacking up, so smart idea, we moved into a meth house! We carried on smoking meth for months, and lots of it, then I knew it was a shit drug really so I started leaning on everyone in the house to give up. You can imagine how that went! Well one night we were all smoking fry and my girlfriend starts convulsing and throwing up. Shes screaming in pain and crying and, you know, like dieing. Being a meth house people werent happy at the prospect of an ambulance so I bundled her into a car and we went to the hospital. The silly bitch receptionist looked at us when I carried her in and told us to "take a seat and fill out some forms" so Im freaking. Sharlene starts convulsing again and having hard chore seizures then blood starts pissing out of her nose and her mouth. This is when the doctors come running in freaking out. They take us to a room and start hooking up sensors and shit. As soon as its all hooked up and turned on I see the doctors look at each other with wide eyes. They rush me out of the room and hit the emergency button, other meds come rushing in real quick! Shar was fine after a whole fuckload of drugs. They let us go, car keys in hand!

This was the first time I realised in my relatively hard drug using life that hey, shit, drugs can actually do bad things. Naturally this was the end of our meth use.

So roughly 6 months later I get offered some really REALLY good E's. I grabbed like 6 I think. We went back to a mates house and popped one each. I was just starting to come up when Shar stareted doing the same thing AGAIN!

Same drill hospital blah blah blah

So after that Sharlene couldnt do ANY stimulants. This waws my second lesson in drugs, but I still felt bullet proof.

We carried on doing lots of psychs! We met Wellies biggest acid man and started tripping every weekend (I managed to hold down a job during the week!) We tripped hard! Especially Shar who one time accidentally took like 4 drips of what we called "pure" and I know one drip of "pure" could make four tabs! I dropped lots of E's and Shar dropped lots of acid...Well I dropped lots of acid too but...

So fast forward 6 months and one night I get home from work. I was exhausted (first sign of trouble) but had gotten some really good acid that day. I decided "incase it was week" to double dip (2nd mistake). Withing 15 minuts I was TRIPPING! Like holding onto the floor saying "its just a trip, Im still here" over and over! Within half an hour Im suffering full blown ego death, major panic attacks, crazy CRAZY hallucinations, and just generally destroyed. I came right the next day and I decided to look up what this could have been. I stumbled across HPPDonline and I almost wonder if this is where it started? After that every time I dropped psychs I'd worry about HPPD (didnt stop me dosing unfortunately). But I always came right.

Then one night we made up some mescaline and me and my mate dosed quite heavily. I tripped all night and into the next day. Problem was I spent the whole time freaking out about HPPD! Well even after I came down I felt like I had a personality change. You know that "flat" feeling when youve gone hard the night before and you know that once youve slept and eaten and nurtured a little you'll be OK? Yeah well thats how I felt, only it never came right. I mean I geuss it wasnt DP/DR just an empty kinda soulless feeling. I stopped doing drugs. I knew I only had myself to blame.

So for me Id have to say I think a bad trip may not have triggered my initial HPPD, but is certainly scared me enough for my brain to later create it out of fear.

Oh...And the visuals...They came 6-12 months later when the doctor prescribed me and SSRI to "cure" this flat feeling I still had from the mescaline!

Sorry for the long story

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