bpl4269 Posted March 21, 2019 Report Share Posted March 21, 2019 (edited) I am and have been stretched so thin for so many years that explaining the intricacies of exactly why my life appears to be running on approximately .00001 hp seems utterly aimless. The only blood diamond here worth gleaning is, there is a cap on the stamina of the human body/"spirit", and given enough horrendous decisions and unlucky happenstance, you too can earn a place in a bracket of exhaustion and misery beyond the comprehension of most "normal" human beings. A purgatory unlike no other. Horrified of life and mortified of death, with absolutely no options left on the table that do not induce exponentially more suffering on top of the already existing hell to the hundredth power in the short term for the purpose of "long term gain" that is not even close to being guaranteed. And I thought classic HPPD with co-morbid disassociation was bad back in the day... ha... ha... The sheer naiveté... I am creatively and intellectually bereft of valuable content after all of these years of damage though, so maybe I'm just breathing in soot because I can't find the oxygen mask. You tell me. Edited March 21, 2019 by bpl4269 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadDoc Posted March 21, 2019 Report Share Posted March 21, 2019 I know the feeling. You go to the well, and it done gone dry. I found that sometimes I have to dig deeper. A corn ball analogy I realize. Right now, that's all I have left after a day in the modern world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victor Posted March 22, 2019 Report Share Posted March 22, 2019 really, you seem to be an intelligent person with a complex critical analogy. It would do very well in the artistic medium with these words. Suddenly turn your attention to writing things, regardless of subject. It would be good for your head to focus on this kind of distraction, pulling your attention away from the frightening visual distortions that haunt us all. Have you written here what these visual distortions are like and what is your reaction to them? If you can write to us ... Your way of analyzing and comparing your feelings with metaphorical phrases is really very good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpl4269 Posted March 23, 2019 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2019 On 3/22/2019 at 1:51 AM, Victor said: really, you seem to be an intelligent person with a complex critical analogy. It would do very well in the artistic medium with these words. Suddenly turn your attention to writing things, regardless of subject. It would be good for your head to focus on this kind of distraction, pulling your attention away from the frightening visual distortions that haunt us all. Have you written here what these visual distortions are like and what is your reaction to them? If you can write to us ... Your way of analyzing and comparing your feelings with metaphorical phrases is really very good I appreciate the complimentary words of encouragement. Makes me feel slightly less useless. ha Unfortunately visual distortions are the least of my worries, and attempting to explain them in detail now would likely just be a redundancy. Considering I used to obsess over them and critically analyze every bit of minutiae 24/7 years ago; specifically here on this forum. Not to say I can't have a go at it if explication is truly desired. It just isn't entirely relevant on my end these days. Benzodiazepine withdrawals, Bartonella, Babesia, Lyme disease, and horrendous mold allergies are the main sources of my complaints as of late. Benzodiazepine withdrawal being the most egregious offender. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpl4269 Posted March 23, 2019 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2019 21 hours ago, whyohwhy said: Been feeling the same pretty lately. I'm pretty active these days on this site if you want to message and talk. Much appreciated. I may send a message your way in the near future. Sorry to hear you are feeling similarly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victor Posted March 24, 2019 Report Share Posted March 24, 2019 23 hours ago, bpl4269 said: I appreciate the complimentary words of encouragement. Makes me feel slightly less useless. ha Unfortunately visual distortions are the least of my worries, and attempting to explain them in detail now would likely just be a redundancy. Considering I used to obsess over them and critically analyze every bit of minutiae 24/7 years ago; specifically here on this forum. Not to say I can't have a go at it if explication is truly desired. It just isn't entirely relevant on my end these days. Benzodiazepine withdrawals, Bartonella, Babesia, Lyme disease, and horrendous mold allergies are the main sources of my complaints as of late. Benzodiazepine withdrawal being the most egregious offender. You're handy guy, at least for writing you have a differentiated gift. You can very well put into words in a very lucid way what happens to your mind, using a very interesting metaphorical language. Many painters had texts similar to yours, so I think you might have a talent for art that if you suddenly worked on it, you would feel like someone special somehow. I, in my worst phase of anxiety and depression, began to write what I could conclude about myself. Initially in order not to forget what I concluded in order to show my psychologist and see what she would say. Later served as inspiration for some drawings that I started to do, that although I find them quite amateur, seeing the result of something that I produced, bring me a very good unique sensation, especially when someone praises them. You may need to analyze the process you use to deal with your psychological difficulties and see that there is an effort in yourself for your well-being and in it are your main qualities that you may not be paying attention to. And do not understand all this as a compliment but rather as a sincere criticism made by me. Sorry for grammar errors, I'm using google translate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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