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DO I HAVE HPPD?


Sddewaele
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Hi,

I have a question that's been bothering me a lot and I want to ask if someone could give me some more information about MDMA and the danger of depersonalization and derealization.

I've been struggling with depersonalization and derealization several times before (more then a year) and I seem to be recovered now. I got my life completely back and have been enjoying it to the fullest (the usual going out and being social). Now last weekend I was going out with friends. One had put MDMA in their drink, but didn't tell me. So she went to the bathroom and she asked to hold her drink. Already quite drunk I just finished her drink because I felt like partying. There were only two good sips left, so it's not that i chugged the whole drink.

Then she told me afterwards she had MDMA in it (just a little bit), but she can tell me everything just to make sure I don't freak out.

Now I can't stop thinking about that I did some damage again. I mean, it was only two sips, but still I want to be careful. I DIDN'T REALLY FELT HIGH, but the days after my energy and mood was so bad. I don't actually know if it's just because I was freaking out or just overthinking because I'm so mad at myself for taking it or if it really was the effect of MDMA.

I'm that kind of person that has been googling DP and MDMA and HPPD for the whole week thinking I fucked up again. I feel kind of different and have an increase in my floaters (which I used to have already), but I was wondering if anyone could tell me if even a small dose of MDMA (like two sips of a glass) could do permanent damage and cause you to relapse in depersonalization or even develop HPPD.

What are the usual sypmtoms of HPPD when it starts? And can you actually develop HPPD from a tiny microdose of MDMA without even noticing any high? Pff

 

Thanks in advance

Edited by Sddewaele
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18 minutes ago, stupidk said:

I wouldn’t stress just yet, you aren’t seeing any visuals so that’s a good sign. I would just wait and see how it goes over the next couple weeks and try to keep your mind off of it. 

I'm having sincere increase in floaters the last two days

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Don't stress too much about it.  Stess has unpleasant symptoms of its own.  I'm no doctor, but I suspect you don't have hppd.  Floaters are very common.  I've had them since I was a little kid, long before I discovered drugs.  You may be noticing that you have them because you're looking for them.

Stay clean for a while to see how you're doing, and don't stress too much. 

Take care.

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Sorry for the long text, but it's meant to help you (if my words were good, give me some feedback)
I do not believe that a very small amount of mdma can cause hppd, because, as you said, there were no effects and even if they were, the mdma rarely changes your visual perception. All this stress is due to your concern with the return of hell from derealization and depersonalization. What happens to you is that you have a worry in your head that you make an effort not to think about it, for it is really frightening, so your focus turns all the way to it. So you try to get answers on the internet to satisfy your doubts and later to alleviate but believe me, that does not work. I say that because I did exactly the same thing. You look for information and sometimes they give you some relief, but you just remember the worry that anxious rulemaking happens again and you create new arguments, giving reason to worry to scare you again and you go back to the internet to do the same ritual. Believe me, everyone in this forum suffers from this same evil. If it serves as a relief I had HPPD for two months, but I did psychiatric treatment with risperidone and improved. Today I do not have any visual distortion anymore. My tip for you, look for distractions that take these worries out of your mind and also look for a psychiatrist and talk about your anxiety. Anti-depressant medicines helped me fight that kind of thinking that would not leave me alone.
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