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Hi everybody! Ive been digging forever trying to find a website dedicated to HPPD. Now I havent been diagnosed but I want to tell you whats happend.

IN 2009 I bought 2c-e off a now defunct research chemical site, and started dosing, and actually had quite a bit of fun off it. But after ahile I started taking it daily, instead of responsibly, and in the summer of 2010, I took it with a buddy at my house, everything went fine but, after my friend and i took a hit weed, my house warped into what resembled some torture chamber, and I freaked out hard core thinksing I was dying, after a few minutes, I was seeing my body from my walls, I didnt even know what my name was, i felt like my brain was being fried, also i remember feeling this feeling of ultimate doom like I was going to die. Actaully at the time I was 1001% sure I was going to die, this feeling lasted for a few hours, but while your tripping time feels like it lasts 5 times longer, so it felt like i was in hell for like a day it fuckin sucked lol.At the time my friend didnt understand what I was going through but he ended up calming me down, but i still had this super paranoid feeling.

The day after I did not feel like the person I was before, I had horrible concentration, I felt like I was missing something, I cant describe it. I had horrible short term memory, Id sway my hand in front of my face and see trails coming from it. Id also see static images, ghosting, and warping of objects. I feel like the world is just this thing that my brain makes, its hard to describe. If I also look at myself in the mirror i see myself as me but i also look at myself as if im looking at like an animal at a zoo; i myself am an animal that im looking at, it really weird. I never had any of this stuff until I had the trip from santans ass.

Its now been 1 and a half years and I still have all the same symptoms, I havent had health insurance for the past 2 years but finally have it again thank god. Im trying to figure out what to do, i havent been diagnosed with anything, im trying to figure out what the hell to do, I used to be really outgoing but ive been pretty reclusive since the accident, and I dont want to waste my life away with the stuff thats wrong with me.

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Ive never found anybody to talk about this to, who can understand what exactly Im going through, i feel blessed that there is a group of people that I feel for, and understand what theyre going through. it honestly means the world to me, cause im not alone in this, and there are people trying to beat this and getting back into shape.

If somebody could tell me about what they themselves have experienced, and also things that have helped them out, id love to hear, thanks!

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  • 3 weeks later...

well i never had a trip like that that sounds fuckin horrible, i dont know if you can on acid tbh theyre just mentally dark more than anything, fear like nothing else and darkness and shit.... i remember the sort oftrails my own hair i thought were people like just behind my shoulders about to kill me n every tree that russelled i thought someone was in it ready to jump out any time... my mate tapped me on the shoulder (to see if i was ok coz id been sat up, head in knees in a kind of ball for half an hour) and i thought they werent as close as they were so the shock of thier face bein that close it jut warped into some eeeeeeeeeeeeevil face with like .... spikes idk... but anyway after afew hours i came down from it

about 8 hours later i was jus sat at my mates abit shaken up but ok, and i ran my tongue along my teeth and they blended into 1 in my mouth and in that moment i started trippin HARD again and fetl a massive spike of anxiety as well.. that only lasted five minutes though.

in the four 3 months after i tripped about 3 more times, but smaller doses, and never really was fully comfortable during the trip ever again. i was always on edge, and had some anxiety and worry at the back of my mind... kinda ruins it really, no more carefree giggly happy tripping ):

then one day abotu a month after my last trip i had a terrible night and just could not sleep for shit, so iwent abotu my daily business having not slept, totally sober though, apart from weed obvs, i was never NOT stoned. then it got to the next night at like 2ish? an i was just still not tired. so i smoked afew of the massivest bongs i could pull through to make me tired, and i lay down to sleep and while i was lying there i ran my tongue along my teeth and it happened, they blended together and i was trippin balls, 1 of the worst experiences of my life... with my eyes closed the after images from thigns i saw were becoming grotesque faces, but with open eyes the walls were melting. i had a panic attack and totally went west... my best mate calmed me down saying it was just a flashback and it would pass. eventually i managed to sleep somehow. i woke up the next day and it wasnt gone... the next month was total hell for me all panic attacks and inability to look at people, my 18th bday was like 3 days into it ):

anyway thats my incredibly long story im sorry :P

things that help me are, sobreity !! apart from the odd drink once ur more used to ur symptoms but its been a while for you so im sure thats now or never... ignoring it!!! this was a maaaaaaaassive step for me, powering through it instead of going back to staring at the patterned wall all the time and freakin out, if you just resist the urge the sense of being able to continue like normal after all calms the anxiety and reduces the visuals that it causes, and that makes it even better! nytol for bad nights, keeps your sleeping normal, plus after a bad night nothin helps like a nice sleep. healthy living and eating. a hobby as well, keep urself busy

hope i was of some use and sorry about the babbling :P

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sound slike you have very bad dr/dp (derealisation and depersonalisation). This was my worst symptoms for a number of years, but I slowly came out of it (3-4 years) naturally. I'm not sure what really triggered the progress, but at the time, I was fed up with it all and just decided not to back down from anything in life, where normally I would just hide away from anything tough. Maybe this new found mindset helped?

If you want to go down the medication route, sinemet and keppra seem to help alot of people with strong dp/dr, and are relatively safe and addiction free. Try and stay away from daily benzo use, unless you get truly desperate.

Good luck, Jay

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alice, i think you just made my ear fall off! :P j/p :) . Thanks for the story, i feel for ya. i was having a great ass time, then in a blink of an eye, i just had the worst feeling ive ever felt in my whole life, i didnt understand what was going on, i just knew something was dead wrong in my head. i remember feeling like i was having a heart attack but i tried to play it off, my friend told me to come to the computer and told me to watch this this video


, he thought it was really trippy, and then told me the kid in the video died. that was like the worst thing he could have ever, ever done lol. the kid suffered from progeria, i feel really bad for him, but at that time his face and voice really freaked me out. I remember thinking this kid doesnt exist anymore.... do i exist? is this life i live all a dream? am i dead? lol it really mind phucked me.

I stopped doing everything after that bad trip, i smoked weed for 4 years straight up until that day, i havent touched it since. The only thing I do now is go out for drinks a couple times a week. if i get that dp/dr feeling, alcohol seems to knock it out after a few beers for some reason.

Its weird that trippy drugs can be completely beautifully, mind blowing, or they can do what they did to us. i wonder if we have some genetic predisposition that lays dormant but if you do hallucinogenic drugs a certain number of times, or if you have a real bad experience, the hppd, or dr/dp can come out; because the drug activated a change in how one of our genes works.. just a guess tho lol

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Thanks Jay, I think thats what im dealing with too. Did you get yours from a bad trip??

For me, Ive been waiting almost 2 years and am not seeing that much of a change " its has been getting better but very slowly" and it really kills me. I just want it gone ya know. I sometimes wish i didnt mess with drugs in the first place, and thinking that puts me in a bad mood, and that in turn makes my symptoms start to show up more.

If i have to ill think about going the drug route, but Id like to do it naturally like you did.

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My last big trip was a very, very strong one... i'm not sure it even counts as a bad trip, as I was so far gone that I didn't know what the word bad would have meant :lol: . I did feel like I had died though, I think they call it ego death... no connection with my body, the planet, my own thoughts etc

I'm guessing that really created the dp/dr mess... but, unfortunatly, I carried on doing alot of drugs over the following couple of years, so I never really had a defining "something is really wrong" moment.

The guilt and regret you talk about is very hard to shake. I certainly have days where i curse myself, even after 16 years... But I guess that is normal for everyone, ill or not... Everyone makes mistakes they wish they could change. So, unless you really dwell on it every day, just consider it part of the healing process and perfectly natural.

It is worth remembering the good times on drugs.... the experience, the learning, the connection with nature, the laughs.... Try not to demonise it too much...

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