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Hi again. Traveling


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About two months ago I did a post, 1 1/2 months after my first shroom/psychedelic trip. On the day after the trip I checked myself for hppd symptoms and could see white swirling dots in the blue sky(completely normal) and some (realy really minor) visual snow I got kinda scared. Didn't smoked weed for a few days because I was scared of it being psychedelic. After I did again everything started to get better because it wasn't psychedelic. I went on for a month (smoking in the evening) then I did a big party week in a small party town with lots of drinking and smoking, also smoking some synthetic weed once without anything. I was happy. I decided to stop smoking for two weeks, while on the road, to get my tolerance down again. 10 days in after a day of worring I got a weird hallucinating while looking out of the car window into the blue sky (looked like a dark ring of flickering zigzags) it was there for a few minutes and after ignoring for a while I couldn't see it anymore. It freaked me out and when we were on an island while my mum at home got 60, I got really homesick/depressed/anxius. I started to notice a flickering when looking somewhere while standing still. I decided to extend the break and we got work and a house to stay in Brisbane. The flickering disappear while not thinking about it and I felt like getting better because I had a plan:

Not smoking till a few months and I am home, not looking hppd up on the internet anymore, getting some supplements and starting to walk around again every day.

But I still developed a few more problems. After waving my arms in front of my face for a few days (to check for trails) I started seeing a ghostly afterimage following my hand (no frozen copys) and stronger after images. Also some visual snow (mostly when getting up) and some cov when u lied down in bad at nigh (a shade of blue moving together in the middle disappearing and appearing again. I drunk (got drunk) two times without any real increase while or when hungover, but decided to stay completely sober till home again. I felt like getting better , but the thought about it was still ruling my mind(dreaming about smoking with my friends at home, and waking up really anxious). Then I had this hallucinating again and then everything started getting worse again (not visual) I decided to travel on for the last month and went to Melbourne. Now my fear and depression is really strong again. I am so afraid that my coming home smoke in a month will somehow will be bad and make things really worse (I have no extreme problem with my vision right now other then the fear that it could get a problem). I feel lonely and without any fun. I met many people here and we are going out almost every evening, but staying sober, and it get really boring. Also the people here smoke a lot and I always say no. I am having kinda the worst time of my life. And I am afraid of the future. My vision is still the same but not really any visual snow at all and the cov is not there at all (really rare and only in the morning while thinking about it) And I am now sure what to do now. I would really like to drink or smoke but I don't want to fuk up the time with my friends at home, but this can't be all the fun u have here, and I still have more then a month till I will go home...

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i always wanted to smoke as normal since my hppd onset...now its over and i can smoke small amounts but i still have panic disorder and when i smoke before having responsibilities or even smoke too much i get a panic attack...i really love smoking and had many nightmares about doing it..and came to the conclusion that you must give it up and let it go until you stop worrying about it then you can smoke one day again...but never force something...to me weed has gotten psychedelic so i have to be careful with my anxiety disorder when it comes too drugs of every kind.

 

just dont think about something you cant know..it is what guarantees to make it worse when you smoke...i suggest that you keep in mind of being free to smoke but dont force it if you worry about it before...just remember that anxiety is not why you smoke..you smoke to chill out and socialize as normal...and if this isnt possible due to worry, you have no reason to smoke...and for sure you will have enough time to smoke in your life if you feel comfortable with the thought of doing it...so dont put yourself under pressure....relax

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I remember your story because I was in Australia not too long ago as well. 

 

When I first got HPPD I kept thinking I was getting a lot better, over and over and over. After two weeks I thought I was getting better. After a month I thought I was getting better. And so on and so on. The problem with HPPD is that it's so painful and miserable that you can actually convince yourself you're better off than you really are. I did this for six months before finally realizing how slow the process of recovery is. 

 

My advice: Don't trick yourself into believing your doing good. Rather, be very aware of all your symptoms and accept them for what they are with the knowledge that if you stay healthy you will improve. Don't do anymore drugs. You can still have fun but drugs will make your HPPD worse. You should just try and get outside everyday and enjoy the rest of your time on vacation then focus on getting better when you get home. 

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Yeah, but not having fun at all and being horrible homesick sucks... We went with 12 people to the river today and smoked like 5 joints, but u still didn't took a hit. Probably will stick with that till I am home again, also I am not sure if I really got hppd, or something else (there can be many reasons for the symptoms I got) or they could just he normal and I got scared of my own vision

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