how bad does hppd get?

[chris_d1989]

hi evereyone,

i've had derealisation for 14 months and ive only recently learned about hppd and i'm just curious if i have it or not. alot of people describe visual trails after images etc, which i don;t really get. i just have persistent visual snow. is this a form of HPPD or just derealisation? since learning about HPPD my DR has gotten so much worse due to getting anxious over the fact that there isn't a known cure for it. I got my DR from a panic attack from weed but have tried LSD, mushroom, xtc, mephedrone and cocain in the past.

hope everyone is good

- chris

[Br0k3nS41nt]

If you have been experiencing these symptoms for 14 months, if you stay away from drugs, that is probably as bad as it is going to get for you. HPPD can be really bad though. My worst symptom was movement, to the point where everything was moving at all times, it doesn't do that anymore really. My monitor is kinda warping right now, but that is business as usual.

[chris_d1989]

thanks for your reply! just wondering do you suffer from derealisation too? and is it possible to have hppd without derealisation because i think this is the worst symptom of them all...i could deal with the visual snow if there was no derealisation but both together is a nightmare at times!

[tifftoro]

Hey Chris, I would recommend stopping all drug use as HPPD and derealization have the potential to get much worse. I lived with both from when I was 16 to 23 and it was managable. I didn't know what was wrong with me for those seven years but an overload of partying on my 23rd birthday sent me straight to HPPD HELL. I saw all kinds of doctors and searched the net for months before I found out what was wrong. Since that day which was over four years ago now, I can't even begin to describe how bad my symptoms were and still are. All it takes is one time to really mess yourself up so just try your hardest to stay away from drugs!

[chris_d1989]

thanks for the advice. i have had drugs only a number of times since this happened and realised they were doing me no good. i havent touched anything in around 6 months nor do i intend to. i still drink alcohol but will never touch ANY illegal drugs again. it simply isn't worth it in my eyes.

[John Smith]

You should try to stop drinkin for a while, you might still get better if you give your brain a chance...personally alcohol played a large part in turning my visual snow and light trails into depersonalization body pains and cognitive issues, it still fucks your shit up.

[Br0k3nS41nt]

Just a response to your question chris. I do not suffer from derealization, only bad depersonalization, this I consider my foremost disorder, even though the visuals came first, Basically depersonalization for me is a feeling that my brain is gone, that I am eyes and legs. I cannot visualize things and all my memories feel as though they were told to me by someone else, I have no personal attachment to them. I can recall visual aspects of memories but very statically and one dimensional, like if I were looking at photographs through a dense, dark fog. Overall, it varies in severity from a background drone, to crippling mental disability, but now I am so accustomed to it, I can almost control it by thinking about it. Anxiety works that way, it is only there if you make it there, and as hard as it is to say, just ignore your symptoms. That is how I get by. One day I was looking at the wall covered in film grain, swaying up and down, and I just came to the realization that, me doing this is making this a whole lot worse, and the static and movement will not go away over shot period of me checking and rechecking the walls. So I try not to do that and my quality of life as gotten a lot better since then.

Do I still have hard times? Yes. Do I get panic attacks and need to take meds for them? No.

[gill]

Mine went from very subtle, no problem, to much worse years later after taking more hallucinogens, so basically, it can get worse, and then it goes from being a subtle change to a problem, since it can get very challenging to ignore at a point...