415_stylee Posted October 6, 2011 Report Share Posted October 6, 2011 Hello! You may have noted that I´ve not been active for a long time, and it has reasons. In the last few months my life had come to a point were it was no longer possible keep on living. I was so tired of the HPPD, DP/DR, ADD i.e. all health problems. Plus having to live on a pension so low that you have to eat almost only oatmeal porridge and beg for food from people to survive. Then also having a debt on ~3563 dollars (calculated from Swedish crowns) which I didn´t really cause. This debt was close to going to repo. And losing one of my best friends, and my mother being terminally ill (not long left to live). Plus that the best doctor I´ve ever had got sick (burnout), and I was left with the same quacks I´ve had the last few years, who have not helped me one bit. Everything (including my likewise s***ty life before these events) just broke my spirit to the point of being suicidal, not having any emotion when I attempted suicide. To kill myself became as natural and needed as eating dinner. I had completely given up. At this point I also drank reckless amounts of alcohol and became very aggressive. Some of my relatives and my GF convinced me to being admitted to the psych ward, which was a very good decision now in retrospect. I spent a week there eating 4+ meals a day and got a lot of meds. I found out that my sleeping disorders were really serious, since they had to use up to 4 types of meds to sedate me (Zopiclone, Theralen, Melatonin and diazepam). I also found out that my neuropsychriatic evaluation was done-- I have ADD with Autismspectrum. And my back is already worn out, have several pain points in the spinal discs. The doctors at the psych ward understood that serotonergic drugs make my condition worse, no more nagging about that. They understand the severity of my disorders, and promised to not postphone any treatment anymore. They also do not doubt that I have HPPD, and I might get Keppra. I already have begun Wellbutrin at 150 mg. Got it to counter my ADD (Wellbutrin is a DA) instead of Strattera, since Strattera is more likely to cause self-destructive behaviour in the "setting in" period. Ritalin is of course contraindicated because of my HPPD. Anyway, I feel a bit better now. Wellbutrin is working well, takes away a lot of aggression and restlessness, and makes me more capable of controlling my emotions in general. And I´m lot less jittery in the body. DA´s have always made me kinda drowsy to, which is not really negative. My HPPD is unchanged, neither worse or better. No serious side-effects either. Wellbutrin is therefore a got option for a HPPD:er with ADD, though of course, DA´s only remove the worst symptoms of ADD, but does´nt cure it. For the sleep I now take Zopiclone/Theralen/Melatonin. They´re only somewhat effective in combination, apart none of them sedates me at all. Have to take these for atleast 6 months, my sleep rythm is so disturbed that I need to use brute force (this drug coctail) to shift it right again. I still have a lot of fatigue, sweating episodes, joint/muscle pain, bowel problems, tender lymphs and aphtae (sore throat) but I still don´t know what causes it. One doctor thought it might be a autoimmune disorder. I have promised my now terminally ill mother to keep on living and try to be happy. Which I will! Even though it feels near impossible.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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