Relationships with family, other people going downhill

[TheGman6072]

Anyone else feel separated, or like the black sheep of the family ? I am almost always fighting with my parents and just this morning I was yelling at my mom over something that I don't remember. I sometimes scare my mom cuz my voice gets very loud and deep when I am angry. I have been constantly having moments of insanity. I legit want my parents to die sometimes so my problems will end. This combination constant anxiety, anger and detachment. I have been feeling suicidal for a couple weeks now and I don't know what "normal" feels like anymore. I just feel like I'm in a horrible dream and not waking up

[China]

I've frequently felt like the black sheep of my family as well. Being the black sheep isnt necessarily a bad thing, it just means you and your parents have different ideas on what's right, and what you should or shouldn't do. Now having hppd, it can be hard to really get a grasp on what you think is right, being your thoughts are all cluttered. You have to realize you're young though, and most people don't really know what's right, what they want, etc, even well into their lives. Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't be so hard on your parents either. You may not always agree with them, but you may not always agree with anyone. Generally, your parents just want what's best for you, or what they think is best for you. Maybe take their suggestions with a grain of salt, and don't overly dwell on the things they say. Living with authority figures may make you a little angsty and quick to aggression, I know it does for me. They love you, though, and they will always be there for you till the day they die, it's kind of what parents are supposed to do. You probably know that, but it's harder to practice something than preach it, so just try to be a little nicer to them one day at a time. Breathe and think before you jump the gun. The anxiety, anger and detachment will fade, just keep telling yourself that. Repeating positive thoughts in your mind will make you think positive after time. Don't sweat these feelings too bad, as they are just feelings. Ultimately you have the power, and if you want to stop feeling bad, try to do things that make you feel good, tell yourself good things, and slowly you'll feel better. it just takes time, so don't worry if you try these things for a few days and they don't work. Stay gold dude, you're worth more than you think. You may have forgotten what normal feels like, but that too will pass, and what is normal anyways. You're you, no matter what. I know your probably know these things, but I figured I'd just tell them to you again sorry don't mean to tell you how to live your life.

[China]

Damn, just re-read my paragraph, sorry for sounding preachy lol, that wasn't the intention. I hope you start feeling better soon, dude

[TheGman6072]

Yeah my parents care about me but they are way too annoying and they suck

[mgrade]

Well, here is my take.  There is a huge amount of psychology going on in a family.  In a way, i don't like it.   Parents want that freedom they had before they had children.  Parents (especially mothers) have a maternal/"i gave birth to you" mentality where the child becomes some sort of a possession.   The child appreciates the love and the hominess but resents lack of autonomy.   The child 'revolts' at a certain age in adolesence and then may even start experimenting with drugs.  Lots of parents don't know how to handle the situation when their boy or girl starts experimenting with drugs.   Lots of times the parent asserts their power as the parent by repremanding and scolding.  That makes the child feel even more alienated as the child comes-to-age; it is a difficult and trying time as it is already for the child.    The child 'revolts' more.  And then the parent either continues to scold and throws their hands up in frustration and gives up on the child while still possessing this thing they call 'child'.   This is where the rift is made.  And then the child is labeled the 'black sheep'.   The label of black sheep almost never goes away.   Two years of being labeled a black sheep will take 30 years to reverse.   So, you, as the child, must maintain focus on your own goals and be determined because usually you have lost the comraderie of a complete family. 

[mgrade]

Also things like anxiety, depression, panic, mental illness in general can be a result of lost love and abandonment and actually being in a situation where you do not have enough money and do not have a home.  Many people assume that the mentally ill end up homeless because they are ill but never consider the idea that people are mentally ill because of the tremendous stress and heartache of being homeless.   This is why the 'black sheep' cycle needs to be broken.