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(This post is intended for the experienced hppders) for the past couple of months I have been feel pretty nice, visuals haven't been in my mind and my depersonalization basically vanished but recently things changed. My father passed away, my 8th grade brother started smoking, and just the fact that I'm 16 and am in the prime of my life I really wanna get back out there and smoke again. I am reaching my 2 year mark with hppd and every single visual symptom had been decreased significantly exepty snow, which has always been light but it's the one symptom that won't budge. What do you think are the chances of my visuals vanishing and in how long?

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If you want your symptoms back, do smoke. sorry..

 

I aways kept going back to weed and many other things and now I wish I was in your situation, back when I was 16 and being able to say NO, fuck this.. But I couldn't do it and hence every following year my hppd was becoming worse and worse and it had been becoming actually HARDER to stop taking drugs (when you feel more and more awfull, you just feel like saying fuck everything I gonna take it, because I just need to relax for that few moments).. This viscous cycle continues and then brings you to the point where you can't take drugs no more because suddenly instead of them relaxing you, they start to trigger your HPPD, anxiety etc. Anxiety is a big part of HPPD, which can stop you from socializing to people, friends or even talking to your own family.. your brain becomes so foggy and spaced out that you feel like there is nothing to talk about with them anymore. All this makes you feel like everything and everybody around you is dead.. and then you realize you just got yourself into hell and then you start to think about were those few good/crazy nights worth of destroying your whole world? Then you just feel like crying to your mother for what what has become of your life.. but you never actually do it. Because you know it woun't make any difference, same as 30 different vitamins/supplements/drugs/excercises you did for past few months or years, didnt do any difference - you still feel dead while being alive.

 

I mean.. some people get better after years.. but I have a bad feeling some part of many of them remains dead forever, they just made themselfs believe its not.

 

The sad part is that, we people are to hopefull everything will be ok, what happened to somebody else woun't happen to us. When we get warned we still don't believe and we have to.. we just really have to try it to see the consequences for ourselves.. You are probably asking if its ok for you to smoke, but at the back of your head, your mind is already rationalizing everything in his own way, making excauses to give you a permission to go and have that smoke.. can you feel it?

 

So. Do smoke, because if I told you not to, you probably still would sooner or later.

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No no no no no no no no, I'm not asking if it is ok smoke right now that's a definite no no and I haven't touched weed for 1 and a half years. I'm asking the long time experienced hppders like Jay how long they think ill have hppd and if they think it'll go away

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"i wanna get back out there and smoke again" -  I was refering to this part really. I mean

 

"I'm not asking if it is ok smoke right now that's a definite no"  - its not just a no for right now, its for ever.

 

I believe some or most of visuals stay for good. There has been people reporting being cured from HPPD (psychological aspect), with the visuals staying and there has been people reporting full recovery. Not too many unfortunately.

 

Lets be hopefull.

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Weed doesn't affect my visuals it just makes me feel schizo, I am confident if I continue the lifestyle that is helping me, eating healthy, no drugs caffeine nicotine, excercise, and get good sleep I'll recover from the visual aspect even if it take years

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It is an unanswerable question, really.

 

It sounds like your life and overall mindset are in a much stronger place, so maybe even if the visuals do stay, they will not affect your day to day life too much?

 

Think about how much better you are after 2 years, if (and it seems unlikely) you will not recover any further.. Can you cope and be happy? If the answer is yes, then you are in a great place and you can use that positivty to really start looking forward to the future, college, dating etc.

 

My bet is that the more you embrace life now, the more you will forget to even check if your visuals are still there.

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