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Grateful to know that I am not living in a dream world anymore thanks to this site


danimals21
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My names Daniel I have been using Psychedelics for the past 10 years. First off let me start out by saying that I am diagnosed as bi polar although I think I just have more anxiety and depression as I was coming off coke when I was diagnosed as bi polar. Since one of my first LSD trips I had some of my first hppd symptoms however they were pretty slight. It just started as some visual snow however it was never that bad. Over the years I started experimenting with research chemicals and needless to say it has drastically increased my hppd. These drugs include 25i 2ci 25c and so on and so forth. I sadly have even injected 2ci before. I feel like most of my drug problems have come from me having hppd because I thought I was in a dream world. A year ago I ingested about a gram of MDMA (wasn't tested could have been anything) and later on that day ingested an unknown substance somebody gave me. I was driving to work when I started tripping and it was very scary and unpleasant because it was unexpected. I made it home luckily and I had the most terrifying trip of my life I seriously thought that I had died. After this experience I ended up in a psych hospital and shortly after I went to rehab. This was the high point of my hppd symptoms now I constinatly see visual snow 24/7 however night time seems to amplify the effects drastically. I have delays on everything when people walk by me I see a color blur of their after image, when people sit in front of a white wall I see an aura around their body almost as if they were glowing, if I look at a picture frame or a TV for example and more my eyes away I see the outline of the object where ever I put my eyes and so on and so forth. Anyways I'm trying to get clean again I have 3 days so far.. I have had 2 years before and still had symptoms so I have been skeptical about trying again. However I might as well just do it I barely even trip nowadays anyways as I have the symptoms 24/7 plus I just want to find that true happiness again and be happy with myself without the use of drugs. Anyways I just wanted to give a little of my testiomony and say thanks to this site because I legitly thought I was going crazy before I read that there were other people like me. Anyways wish me luck with my sobriety it will be a struggle (for me mostly with alcohol,MDMA, And psychs) but I know I can do it as I've done it before.

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Good luck mate, I have a similar backstory to you. Getting off the drugs is tough, even when you know the further damage it does.

 

I had to cut out pretty much all of my friends (and even move to another town). It was tough, but the real friends were accepting when I was strong enough to be around people again.

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Thanks for the reply man that's exactly where I am right now especially since I'm on a lease with someone who uses. I know I can do it I've had 2 years clean before (still had the symptoms but they don't really bother me anymore). Its just those fuck it thoughts I get that always mess with me. I've been to 5 meetings this week though so I'm going to try and keep it up. Almost have a week clean which will be the most I've had in about a year.

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