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Hey there,

Finally got my email address validated (took over a week), admin you may want to look into this because it could put people off joining in with this forum - just FYI.

Ok I've been suffering with 'visuals' for around 9 months now, after a night heavy drinking I woke up the next day with the normal hangover, my vision during my time with hangovers was always 'shaky' and unsettled, along with this high anxiety but prior to October I thought nothing much of it, just thinking I had particularly bad hangovers worst than most. I woke up after this nights drinking and felt like things had 'shifted' my attitude and personality seemed different, bit exhagertated but the only way I can put it, things were just 'different'. To go with this my usual 'shaky vision' and off balance feeling didn't go and I've had this ever since October, feeling of just being off and these symptoms -

I have a constant heavy head.

Dizzy spells

So tired all the time, often yawning

Difficulty concentrating / thinking

Zone out and lose any attachment with where I am. 'spaced feeling'

Memory - I cant remember things I just should....short term and long term, mainly long term.

Dont feel like doing anything fun which I used to like

Found it difficult leaving the house and being places, mainly cause of the disorintation and feeling like everyone is looking at me while I walk around spaced out.

Over the 10 months I first initially related to DP/DR but over time I feel that my visual are so prevalent that I may suffer from some DR but theres more to it.

So is it DR / HPPD / Anxiety after a stressful time? I'm not sure..

I had an extremely stressful period with work for 9 months prior to this time, which definitely increased my anxiety, not gonna go into it, but it was at about level 11 of a 1-10 scale of anxiety and stress that I could physically take without knowing it for a prolonged time. This has definitely impacted in some aspects.

I have never done LSD, I don't smoke weed (although did till I was about 16, I'm 24 now) and I have done MDMA and cocaine in the previous year til the time my symptoms were 24/7. I would go on weekend binges, to get away from the stress I was in at the time, however again I feel this has impacted, probably not the best idea doing this at the best of times but 100% not when I was so highly strung and dealing with so much on a day to day basis.

So here I am, feeling of being off and like my mind is 'over active', vision feels like its slightly shaking and not quite right, which hightens my anxiety and to go with that feeling of off balance and dissociation in social situations which I would NEVER have a problem with. Situations I was particularly cofindent in my ability now with my symptoms are ones I avoid and lack performance mentally.

I have put it down to a few things so far -

Anxiety is high - Like I said, I avoid situations, this is typical of an anxiety disorder and fear had definitely manifested itself to play a major part of me moving forward. The stressful situation I was in has since ended and anxiety has decreased since, however I think I'm still 'locked in' fight or flight mode and hyperaware.

Vision - I don't suffer from trails / glare / double vision as such so perhaps my vision is a mild form of HPPD? Not sure, but it definitely feels like a problem in my brain which causes it, I don't suffer from panic attacks or get dizzy at just stressful times, its constant which makes me feel its not anxiety related.

DR - I feel disconnected and lack sense of time / emotions and importance in nearly all circumstances in life. I do believe though if I could get through some fears and more importantly sort my vision I would be able to reconnect after a while although it would be difficult.

What I have tried -

Supplements - I have tried EVERYTHING under the sun. Currently exploring glutamate and GABA imbalances and have started on or am awaiting an order for -

L-Theanine, Taurine, Extra strength fish oil and NAC.

Dopamine in the form of Mucuna Dopa seems to be helping also.

CBT - I went for CBT and although good for anxiety and made me feel better to talk through with someone, didn't really clear anything up as such, I am on the waiting list to see a different therapist.

Excercise - I have tried to keep active, but intermittently, very hard to get any routines or regimes going, something I am working on.

Medication - I did ask my doctor for Klonopin, however they wouldn't give it to me, although Ive been suffering for so long and showed how this can perhaps help visual symptoms. If I kick up a fuss I guess I could get them, but as I have not been diagnosed with anything as such just yet they are reluctant. Only thing Ive been diagnosed with is anxiety disorder, however this to me is a symptom of what I'm feeling - not the cause.

Anyway Hi everyone, any ideas, thoughts or questions would be appreciated! Otherwise I will just contribute where I can.

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Hi, welcome to the site... it sounds like you are doing everything right so far.... try to lower you drinking, smoking and obviously stay of drugs, especially MDMA (this is the culprit of your problems, for sure).

I am glad the doctor has not got you on klonopin straight away. 9 months is a relativly short time to have these problems and masking them up so soon might just lead to an addiction, as well as further problems when you have to stop. Just keep on going with the plan you have... eat healthy, exercise, minimize drinking, stop smoking, no drugs and try to cut out stress... if you can find a cool sport or activity that you can do outdoors, that will help, fresh air and exercise really brings down stress levels.

Good luck, Jay

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Thanks Jay1,

Drinking is at a very minimum and has been for the last 10 months, can count the times I have drunk on one hand.

Don't smoke, ciggs or weed so thats fine and drugs for obvious reason have been knocked on the head.

Understand why the doc didn't give the Klonopin, however I am not ignorant to the situation and the symptoms being masked, I know benzos are highly addictive but have read good evidence that suggests both Klonopin and Keppra can be the 1st major steps of treatment for some so was keep to try.

However onwards and upwards, will continue to try the supplements I have out and go from them.

Day at a time at the moment..

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If you are strong headed... you can do what I do and just have a couple of klonopin per week to have a break from the stress. I actually think it is helpful in recovery too, as long as you can control yourself.

Keppra is a good idea... I had some success, not quite enough to continue with it, but it is well worth a shot... certainly does something for hppd.

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It is hard to gauge whether visuals decreased or not.... for some time, I thought they had, but if they did, it was possibly by 10% maximum and I believe now that it was more of a placebo effect.

Where it most helped was with DP/DR.

People ask why I gave up Keppra, if it was helping.... basically, I weighed up the pros/cons and realised I did not want to take a strong medication everyday just for some small benefits. Of course, other people have seen huge changes, and it would be much more worthwhile to stay on it. Keppra is a pretty safe drug to stay on.

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