Pretty certain I'm gonna try to get Keppra through "alternative" means

[Puppeteer]

Saw my psych today for the first time in almost two months. Told him how I'd been doing worse, experiencing nothing noteworthy with lamictal, reiterated the value of keppra with this stuff, etc. He gave me a very interesting talking to about how it's theorised that dissociation works but the appointment essentially ended with "take slightly more lamictal and try not to focus on it". Next available appointment? February the fuckin' 3rd. Pretty disappointed, I suppose.

 

It does make sense that dwelling and focusing on DP/DR is going to make it persist, change the brain so it's more sensitive to and more focused on DP/DR, etc. Of course there's value in just doing your best to get outside of yourself. It's just so, so much easier said than done.

 

When Keppra is pretty clearly the one big thing that works for this stuff, how does one not obsess over the desire to try it? Of course there's a substantial chance it won't help, but knowing that it just might, after having dealt with this for so long and trying a bunch of other junk, it's torture to just not know. The whole time I've been on lamictal I've been wondering about keppra, I know I'll be doing the same for the next couple of months. If I tried it and found out it didn't work, it'd suck, but at least I'd know and would finally be able to put the constant speculation to rest. 

 

I just don't have the patience to spend the next 2 freakin' months in the state I'm in currently. I'm really starting to fold here; I'm really losing faith. It's just so fucking hard to care any more, about anything. I've once again stopped talking to my friends, stopped listening to music with any regularity, find it so hard to care about routine and so on. I don't know if lamictal's had anything to do with this somewhat recent drop in mood, or if i'm finally returning to a base state post-Cymbalta, or if it's just the natural progression of hopelessness from dealing with this shit for so long. 

 

Anyhow, enough pessimism. Can anyone recommend a decent, genuine online pharmacy? I figure I'll give it a few months, hopefully I can afford it. Or if you think I'm being an idiot feel free to tell me why!

 

Thanks dudes.

[andrewcb]

I hate when people can't get Keppra it is just wrong IMO. I really think we need a thread on where people go for their prescriptions so people with this problem can get help. I know of doctors in Dallas, TX if anyone is out this way. My doctor will give you just about anything(other than opiates) as long as you are serious and don't abuse your meds. He is willing to help and listen and is good for folks without insurance, 50 bucks! Other doctors charged me 80 bucks and 120 for the first visit! Before I go to a doctors I try my best to research them. I found a psychiatrist my old doctor referred me to and he seen me for free 3 times and gave me my valiums at the time, continues to talk with me on the phone if needed and I got a total of 6 months of valiums from him, awesome dude! If I was you I would call him up once a week and bug the crap out of him, keep pushing Keppra over the phone, it is not right to make you suffer and have to keep paying him for nothing. I find this breaks a lot of doctors when you just call them and bug the shit out of them, they will make you get another appointment of course but it will be a appointment to get your stuff lol. Good luck! And tell him you aren't interested in his theories that isn't what you went to see and pay him for you want hard stone cold facts and Keppra is proven to help a ton of people, I would demand he give this to you because there should be no problem with you taking it under his supervision.

[Kellen]

i know i will ctch some flak for this but i flushed mine down the toilet. the last time i took it it mad me feel so awful i just got rid of it. it worked wonders for two days then it stopped and seemed to mke me worse. but i kept hoping it would go back to like how it was for those two days.

 

i have extra sinemet id be willing to mail someone in need

[etardnow]

have you taken some journal/articles of keppra and hppd when talking to your psych? it will probably help you a lot in getting that keppra if you havent tried. 

 

Also i agree with your psych in that not caring about it is the way to go.

 

3 month ago, i thought i was on my way to accepting hppd and being able to cope well with it.

looking back, no fucking way, i was in an extreme hell hole. im much better now but when i look back, i cant believe i was thinking that i was coping well at the time. I can only hope i  get that feeling again when im looking at this point in time 3 month from now and so on. 

 

I still think about hppd everyday, its hard not to when every light source and the extreme lifestyle change itself is a constant reminder but i feel like im slowly 'getting over it'.... at worst im pushing it off and might have an emotional crash that i can recover from but for the time being im doing better than before.

 

It feels like, "oh i have hppd that sucks but life goes on." We are basically dwelling on our past. I mean there are people out that have gone blind, have chronic pain, and here i am obsessing over visual distortions.

 

of course dp/dr has a different role in effecting us but i think obsession of visuals has a big role in dp/dr as well and we should try to focus away from it. going to school has helped me with mine. the fake it till you make it is kind of the approach i am forced to take. Even now i rather stay home and just be on the computer than go outside and look at all the extra visual distortions but if it shouldnt really matter that much. is starbursting lights going to effect the quality of something mundane such as dinner? it will if i think about it and feel sad for myself and possibly trail on to thinking about dp/dr but if i just ignore it, it doesnt. Its easier said than done because having hppd is basically "thinking" about hppd all the time but it can be tuned out and with enough practice, it will become easier to do. 

 

i understand that severe hppd cases are much harder to tune out and ignore but even then, so what if my rice is floating around  and morphing; it doesnt change the taste, the people im eating with, etc etc. 

 

i remember reading about a post of how one person purposely fed their anxiety and dp/dr and let it go crazy and go super deep and at that moment of extreme intensity, it made them realize that it means nothing, eventually 'curing' themselves of it. "face your fears" sorta thing. just throwing it out there.

 

Even at your deepest moment of anxiety/dp/dr, from another person's eyes, your just there being normal. amazing.