Depression while symptoms improve

[Mr.50's]

Hi I'm new here so I don't know if I'm posting in the right spot but whatever. I've had light to mild hppd for about 8 months now. I uses to be seriously fucked up during the summer time after I graduated 8th grade. I had severe dp/dr, intense brain fog and horrible hppd. Since then my depersonalization has gone away completely, my brain fog is 100% gone and my hppd has definitely improved. I have so much to be happy for but for some reason I'm very depressed. It's basically like the minute I think about my symptoms my brain stops sending out dopamine or something, I automatically think everything is getting worse, but its not. I'm not usually depressed when I'm not thinking about my symptoms but lately I've been feeling down when I'm not thinking about them. It's like I mentally can't take it anymore but there's nothing to be depressed about. Can anyone relate?

[wooshka]

This may be a deficiency in dopamine, or serotonin, and most likely a passing phase. How long have you been experiencing this depression? Be thankful! Depression is one of the more easy problems to fix, I'm happy that your DR/DP has gone away, if it coupled with Depression, it would be completely devastating. I know of some guys that have DR and Depression, and unfortunately, they're not wanting to live. I'm envious of you to be honest. 

[Mr.50's]

Thanks wooshka I've been experiencing it off and on for a while now but now it's just constant. It's been constant for about a month and a half and its starting to change my personality. Ya I remember how bad dp was I'm very lucky there not combined. Thanks for the reply

[wooshka]

No problem, do you have any quarrels with trying an SSRI? Or do you have the worry that it may exacerbate your symptoms? Maybe Wellbutrin is up your alley for helping you cope with your depression. When you say it's changing your personality, what do you mean? In what ways exactly?

[Puppeteer]

Hi mate, awesome that your DP and brain fog has gone away. Definitely gives the rest of us hope! Can definitely vouch for the DP and depression combo being fucking awful. It's frightening that suicide has become a casual daily thought for me. 

 

It does seem like HPPD is a many pronged thing. Who knows how many parts of the brain it affects? downregulated dopamine/serotonin receptors, fucked up visual cortex, temporal lobe seizures, etc., all those other theories. It seems like the kind of thing that has similar symptoms caused by a whole variety of different things, so it makes sense that maybe one thing might right itself while another's still wonky.

 

+1 for the idea of trying out a medication of some kind. Definitely be wary of SSRIs though; outside of reports of exacerbated symptoms (went through that myself on Cymbalta), often times their effects just aren't really that great. Wellbutrin could definitely be an idea, and I'm trying out tianeptine at the moment which definitely isn't doing any harm; not sure if it's really changing much though, either. Been a bit down in the dumps lately and haven't adhered to the best dosage routine. Considering doubling the dosage if I can justify purchasing that much (shit's pretty costly). Possibly look into nootropics and such as well? Prior to retriggering my HPPD with MDMA like an idiot I had great luck with piracetam. Check out this thread: http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/54028-treating-anxiety-safely-effectively/ (anxiety and depression definitely cross over in a lot of ways so it's pretty applicable).

 

Good luck dude.

[Mr.50's]

To wooshka, I can't take an ssri I can't even take benzos I'm 15 I haven't tried but I'm pretty sure my doctor wouldn't prescribe me them sadly. By changing my personality I meant that I am not as energetic or happy as I used to be. I originally shrugged this off cause I thought that it was moods wings from puberty but now that it is constant I think it's something else