Consider moving across country

[ludwig80]

Long story short, it's my last semester in college and I've grown very tired of this town I've grown up in. I'm considering moving about 1500 miles to the west coast/california area. Too be honest for the first time in my life I'm very nervous about moving away from the nest. I've lived in dorms/ lived in my own apartment which I payed for, and actually have even lived in California for two seperate 3 months stays while interning, but this time it's permanent and that seems to bother me. You know, plus leaving family, friends, everything I find normal.

Before HPPD/DpDr I was a rambling kid. I'd pick up and go whenever/wherever without a fear. I just had the self confidence and I never knew why people were scared of such things. So naturally, here I am nervous about such a thing, I guess because in a way HPPD kicked me to the curb and stole alot of my self-confidence. Dp/Dr doesn't bother me anymore and neither does most of the HPPD anymore... Just the fact that my vision is like watching a slow rate camera everyday and missing frames in my perception of movement, all day it's extremely taxing/frustrating on me. Trying to accept it though. You never know with this disorder if things will get better or worse and this is my fear. Things could alll of sudden get ridiculously worse, which is actually what happened to me two years ago. But. I live healthy and don't fuck around anymore with shit I should not be involved with.

I want to do this though, I'll be graduating with a business degree and I want to do something with my life. I don't want to be a causality to myself. So I want to get into the entertainment industry if possible, I also want to follow my dreams of being a muscian, however unlikely. I don't care, If i'm going to be faced with HPPD I might as well be doing it while trying to follow my dreams. I've been in and out of bands for 8 years and they all fall apart because most people aren't very serious about making anything of themselves here. So I'd like to go where like minded people are there to make something of themselves if at all possible. I'm realistic though, it's a long shot, but what I do k now for sure is that I will never forgive myself for not trying, especially because I held myself back. The truth is I could have an ok gig here, you know get a job, meet someone whatever- but I think i want more. I love the weather, the culture etc. of California, i've spent tons of time there when younger and older as well. I feel it's time for me to make a move deep down but I have this extreme nervousness about the whole thing. I just don't have the confidence in myself I used to. Which is bullshit, after all I've been through I should be more confident having battled non stop for years. I know the next 6 months will be really stressful trying to figure everything out and come to terms with it all so I want to start doing whatever I can do better myself now.

So that being said, I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of feelings down, upset, angry, annoyed, bitter, sad, just a perpetual malcontent in general.

That being said, I'm looking for those who have been here or have an understanding of how to really find pure content with themselves & their conditions. Be it spirituality, counseling suggestions, or anything. I don't want to let anything hold me back but I want to try now and prepare myself going through with and not backing out at the last second. As well as any advice on making a move like this.

Thanks everyone, this forum is a blessing.

[ludwig80]

Just to clarify something, as I finished writing I meant to add that I honestly think I'll be fine once I get there. But I have this habitat of basically just stressing myself over stuff until they happen and then it's over and I wonder what the hell was the big deal. Thinking way too much about it and this is what I really want to stop.

[Br0k3nS41nt]

I hope for you the best. I wont give you much in the way of advice, because I am probably where you were two years ago, but just dive into it, if I have learned anything these past six months is that anxiety is a bitch. It has this aweful nack of standing in the way of you and where you want to be, all the while making you feel like shit. Get momentum and roll right though it, that is all you have to do.

[415_stylee]

Plan it well. And ask for help from relatives, friends etc. If you're going to move that far it's probably best to transport your stuff by train. Regarding anxiety and DP/DR, it's best to not get to stressed or strained. They go haywire from it.. Therefore plan it well, pack your stuff in good time, book transportation, and of course, have an empty apartment ready! Remember that you usually don't have to move everything in right away.

I recently moved myself, and I got the apartment so abruptly that I couldn't plan anything. It has been a rush that nearly wrecked me mentally and physically, I even became a bit suicidal. I'm still recovering from it.. So try to avoid such situations by doing what's necessary to move in GOOD TIME!

Regarding family and friends, that might be the hardest part to depart from. Try to travel home and visit them sometimes, Skype works very well for keeping in touch in the mean time.

[pennyarcade]

Good luck man being in a band with like minded/motivated people is the best thing and if you have to up sticks to find that well I say its totally worth it. Sex & Rock n roll... no drugs for you my friend

[LarryC]

Find a good friendly environment in CA. Some are great, some are a challange to get through the day. I have found SF areas to be enjoyable,active, creative and in general friendly. North Beach is one of the top places in the country for quality of living.. Many musicians there and plenty of venues in SF.

[ludwig80]

415 thanks for the feedback. Ya trains possibly not possible, nor do I have the money to take much stuff. So I"ll likely be renting a Uhaul trailor for my suv or just get rid of most of my stuff. I don't really need that much, really just want my instruments and some essentials. I definitely understand how stressful It can be and that's what worries me. I"ve never been good at planing though so I need to focus and get this done to make the transition easier.

Penny man, thanks for the encouragement. Being a in a proper band is really one of the few things that I totally get lost in and forget about my worries for a bit. Plus it's nice to being pursuing something you really care about. You're in the UK right? From what I hear, that's a great great great place for a musician. I've been there once, if I could afford it, I'd consider it hah.

Larry- totally, I've spent some time in San Fran and had family there as well as Los angeles. SF is a total trip though, completely unlike where i come from but really refreshing to visit. I loved it but I doubt i'll be able to afford it there, additionally I think I like the beach weather of southern california more. I lived in outside west LA and will likely try for a similar area. Do you live in California now? It's probably twice as expensive to live there as where i am now, so I"ll be making some drastic fiscal changes.

Just trying to stay focus and poised so I don't chicken out at the last second.