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Somebody im not


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One day i just went fucking nuts as usual.

 

I began by plugging in tres hombres by ZZ Top into my CD player.


Next thing i knew i was completely naked on the floor in utter discomphort drawing satanic images all about my body and made a list of my favorite drugs on my chest.......

 

I claimed i was Jesus (I absolutely HATE that i am saying that but thats how it was..)

But my own delusions wound up putting me in my place..... As i looked into my mirror i saw long horns elongate from my forehead & tiny fangs came from my lips and i could hear classic cartoonish evil laughing echoe inside my ears.


As this happened i screamed as loud as i could and realized what i was doing and began to wash myself..

 

When i got out of the bath i ran away from the house 20 miles to the nearest Alcoholics Anoyomous so i could get help because my thinking went like this "If there is anybody that can help me right now it would be AA!" Wrong.

When i got there i was sitting in the midst of a black mass.. the lights were off... candles were lit up all around and a woman was crying telling me how she had been shot up with Heroin by a close family member and her history of being raped.... and people began to tell me how i should live my life and yada yada.

A man was sitting next to me and wouldn't stop staring at me with a menacing look, chainsmoking camel wides blowing his smoke directly in my face as he studied my profile.

 

I asked him to kindly stop staring at me and he just kept looking angrily, i asked again "Sir Please stop staring at me"

Next thing i know everyone is looking at him like there is trouble and i interrupt the entire meeting by shouting "If you don't stop fucking looking at me i am going to flip out!"

He stopped..

 

And i left because i was so hurt that i had the nerve to interrupt somebody. I went home and cried for hours and hours and i remember feeling like my skin was being slowly flayed away by icey temperatures and i could just hear my brain sizzling... like an egg frying in a puddle of hot grease, crackling and bubbling. I could feel it now too.. it was like a really hot fire planted inside the very center of my cranium and it would radiate down my entire body to the tips of my fingers and toes. I remember not getting any sleep afterwards for several days even after trying to kill the anxiety and delusions with low doses of benzos...


I could go on but this is probably too long as it is... you guys/gals get the picture.  I hope :P

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have you spoke to a psych/neuro about bi-polar?

 

Yeah i went to the doc and they gave me some kind of crazy brain scan and said everything was fine, wrote me a script of benzos and sent me on my way...

Awful.

I havent had a moment like this in months though i wish i could shed more light on the subject but i cant. Thanks for the additions.

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