I do not know where to begin, or what the fuck

[Username218]

I've been putting off posting this, because i sometimes feel denial is a big part of my reality.

Everytime something gets real, it gets unreal, and then it becomes confusing, and then comes the denial.

I do not know if that makes sense to anyone.

 

I got hit with what i think is dp\dr 6 years ago, i remember where i was, i remember where i was going, i almost fell to the floor as it happened.

Other than that my memory is very inconsistent, but everytime i try to explain it to someone, i get blown off as if it was normal, it seems i even forget the key details

to the errors of my memory.

 

I made a fuzz about it back then, but now i never talk about it anymore, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable, thats why it took 3 beers to get this post started.

 

I don't know if dp\dr is the only problem here, i feel other stuff is going on aswell, i do have minor hppd symptoms, but nothing that i could really bitch about.

What i do fear is that i have some sort of bipolar disorder, since my mother got it. But mixed up with my dp\dr, hppd and emotional trauma i have no fucking way of

pinpointing any issue, i feel i cannot relate to a single fucking person on this planet.

I am not in control of my mind, my reality, my mood, my life in general.

 

I feel i've been put in this life, almost like i have two sets of emotions, and two conciousnesses, and they are conflicting with eachother more and more as time passes.

 

As i have read dp\dr is supposed to disconnect you from your emotins, but i feel a hell lot more complex than that, because i have ALOT of emotions, and as a guy thats kinda gay.

But none of my emotions are appropriate to the situation, and its always a struggle to keep them at bay,

Sometimes i get chills down my spine just talking to someone, and i do not know why.

 

I think i'm gonna cut this short here, even though i haven't said it all, but if someone can relate, or even give me some advice, i would love it.

I am scared that since i am not in control of my life, i might one day ruin it completely.

[jimmyb84]

I feel your pain

[andrewcb]

Lol "and as a guy that is kinda gay" that made me laugh haha. I use to get real real bad anger issues, after HPPD they went away and it seems like I get depressing emotions now. It sucks, it is gay but hell I can't help it lol. I mean it is from all the drugs I have done, tbh I rather have some of the emotions I have now than the ones I use to. But if I could have it my way I just want to be normal, what is normal to me, more than anything. So you are saying your emotions started doing this 6 years ago? And dude trust me I feel I can't relate to anyone either but just about everyone here can relate to each other. Hell I feel my life is over with, this is how I feel but something is telling me it isn't true, but to feel like this blows. What kind of emotions do you get mostly? Can you explain what triggers them and what you believed caused this if it happened just 6 years ago unless you are still young than I can understand why these emotions just flared up.