I've been putting off posting this, because i sometimes feel denial is a big part of my reality.
Everytime something gets real, it gets unreal, and then it becomes confusing, and then comes the denial.
I do not know if that makes sense to anyone.
I got hit with what i think is dp\dr 6 years ago, i remember where i was, i remember where i was going, i almost fell to the floor as it happened.
Other than that my memory is very inconsistent, but everytime i try to explain it to someone, i get blown off as if it was normal, it seems i even forget the key details
to the errors of my memory.
I made a fuzz about it back then, but now i never talk about it anymore, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable, thats why it took 3 beers to get this post started.
I don't know if dp\dr is the only problem here, i feel other stuff is going on aswell, i do have minor hppd symptoms, but nothing that i could really bitch about.
What i do fear is that i have some sort of bipolar disorder, since my mother got it. But mixed up with my dp\dr, hppd and emotional trauma i have no fucking way of
pinpointing any issue, i feel i cannot relate to a single fucking person on this planet.
I am not in control of my mind, my reality, my mood, my life in general.
I feel i've been put in this life, almost like i have two sets of emotions, and two conciousnesses, and they are conflicting with eachother more and more as time passes.
As i have read dp\dr is supposed to disconnect you from your emotins, but i feel a hell lot more complex than that, because i have ALOT of emotions, and as a guy thats kinda gay.
But none of my emotions are appropriate to the situation, and its always a struggle to keep them at bay,
Sometimes i get chills down my spine just talking to someone, and i do not know why.
I think i'm gonna cut this short here, even though i haven't said it all, but if someone can relate, or even give me some advice, i would love it.
I am scared that since i am not in control of my life, i might one day ruin it completely.