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Hello everybody. This is my story.


qwerty
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Welcome! Its good to see that you have already made some healthy changes. The anxiety will pass, I would guess it will be greatly reduced (and easy to cope with) within a month but it might not be all the way back to normal for a few months or even longer. The visuals tend to stay around longer and its really hard to predict what they will do but if you stick to the changes you have made I bet they will be better in a month or two than they are right now even though they might get temporarilly worse in between. Remember what ths anxiety feels like next time you think about smoking, I really think you should give up drugs for life. I think if you trust your friends and are comfortable around them than you should try to be with them, the anxiety might make it hard for you to interact with them but I think trying will probably make you feel better. If I were you I would let them know whats going on with you, it might be relieving for others to know. Just stick to your changes and know that it will get better.

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thank you for your reply. i am doing my best to adapt visual distortions but the anxiety is still killing me. i feel better at nights even with the presence of more visual snow but when i wake up i feel like totally suicidal. i dont want to leave the bed and do anything. i force myself to get up and take a shower etc but it is really hard. i hope this anxiety will pass. i keep drinking herbal mixtures and my family keep asking me questions about my attitude change and things like this every morning. I wont tell to anyone about my condition. This is my final decision for sure. I just say to my family, to my gf, to my friends that i feel depressed etc. But i need to talk about hppd. My mother offered to go to a mental doctor but i refused it. I wont tell my condition to doctors. All i can do create a depression story and stick with it. This will lead to SSRI and i am very afraid for the possibilities of worsening. I researched a bit about sinemet but i need much more informations about dopamine drugs. I am very afraid about these medications too. I never went to fitness or tried to live healthy in the past.. Now i want to do it but i feel very tired. It is very hard. I hope this misfortune will leave us all. Thank you again for your kind reply.

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Hey Qwerty,

All these holistic things are good for you, but they may not help you with HPPD necessarily. I have also been on a stupid-dose of hallucinogens, and i read a post that a man posted where he took a super-hero dose of lsd (5 milligrams).

Right now your treatments are #1---> TIME; some of the drugs being Benzodiazepines, SSRIs, Bupropion, Sinemet, Keppra, and maybe Buspar or Minipress. Antipsychotics I would throw right out for HPPD. We'll be here for you man. Look for someone to hug, that always made me feel better.

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Just curious why you don't want to tell anybody. If you smoked everyday for 6 years I would assume that most people you know would know that you did drugs. I don't think my family knew I even drank but they were fine with finding out that I took mushrooms. I think telling people was very helpfull for me but I don't know your situation.

Also, the number of americans with anxiety problems is staggering, its like one in three or something so there will be people that can at least partially relate if you do decide to talk about it.

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mgrade

Thank you for your kind reply and good wishes. As i said i hope we all be healed. I really cant think about the effect of that super-hero lsd dose.

I made some researches about keppra and sinemet but the side effects seem to me little hard. At least the possibility of the side effects. I cant believe it.. 2 weeks ago i was a healthy but pothead person but now i need parkinson drugs ? As i writing this sentence my stomach started to kill me again.. For ssris and benzos i can say that i am very afraid about the chance of worsening symptoms. I dont know what to do.. I am trying to stick with natural stuff but fuck just i dont know..

ferret

Everybody knows that i am a weed smoker and i never be embarrassed of that.. my parents, my friends, my gf accepted me like this (besides everybody smokes constantly pot around me) but this hppd thing.. i dont want to be labeled (is this the correct word i dont know) fuck guys i feel really bad. I can cope with physical tiredness which started after hppd or visual distortions(i think they are mild) but the anxiety is really killing me. I am sorry i write always in a negative way but this is how i feel. I hope as you said this anxiety will be manageable in time. My stomach is really bad but this is a emotional effect i can feel it. My stomach is physically fine i know that but my anxiety directly affecting it. I am really sorry i dont want to talk like this but you know i have nobody to talk.

Today i went out at 10.00 am and i returned to my home at 18.00 pm. I felt nearly constant anxiety in this time. I couldnt concentrate to anything i did, i just think about hppd, the chance of worsening symptoms, search for visual distortions even i was having sex! i am very depressed right know. I dont know tomorrow what will bring to me but i will try to do my best. I am very sorry for all of this all i want is to be able to live without the anxiety.

the only positive thing that i can say, when i first felt the anxiety it was always there. Now nearly two weeks after the start, its like comes and goes. sometimes i feel like old me (just feel not visual) but even in this time a single very noticable visual distortion or just thinking about it could starts my anxiety again. First i bind this to valerian and st john but i dont know maybe just a placebo effect.

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You have been through a very traumatic event. Add that with the physical damage you have done to the natural actions of your neurons, and i gets "not easy". One thing is never take LSD and smoke weed. Than for a real long time, if i were you, i would NOT smoke anymore weed. It will take you into an out-of-body, dissociative state. This is not even talking about the anxiety/panic. This comes from someone who probably smoke 95 pounds of weed in my life. Just keep yourself safe, stay away from people who could hurt you and stay away from people who don't remain sober;; and just get better.

Oh yeah and another thing: i think your hallucinogen days are over. lol

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mgrade, as i said i am a real big fan of weed but i have nothing to do. I cant smoke it. Maybe i can try to handle the possibiliy of worsening visual symptoms but what about anxiety? I am pretty sure if i smoke i will experience what you wrote (dissociative state and extreme anxiety) Maybe you will not believe but i dont want to smoke. I lived 6 years with weed i went to school, hang out with my friends, i always studied with weed too. I did everything under the influence of thc and i really really liked it but after this anxiety i ceased it immediately. I was thinking about living as a pothead to the end of my life but now i cant smoke, i cant feel the good weed effect and at the same time i cant be completely sober. Just fuck it.

Today when i woke up the first thing i noticed was the tinnutus. Eventhough it was mild, with the visual distortions i have my anxiety kicked in immediately after 1 or 2 minutes. I didnt want to leave the bed and at the same time i didnt want to continue to sleep. I stayed there 10 minutes like a corpse and listened the tinnitus and searched for visual distortions. After this perfect way to start the day i went to bathroom and continued to think about hppd. My anxiety started to diminish after 2 - 3 hours. I went to gym and forced my self to train with fuckin visual snow. I never wear glasses for my entire life but now there is not any single time without glasses when i am outside. Summer sunlight fucks my eyes. I hope this issues will improve in time..

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Sorry man .....This stuff i can relate to. I don't want to be forcing my views.... When i was 16, before HP, i started getting tinnitus and anxiety because of it, a lot. You wake up from sleep in the morning, with cold-sweat inducing deep depressive shock ....and face the real reality: that you have this hearing loss, and with HP, your senses have been all mangled. You're just going to have to put off the expectations, plans, dreams, and ideals for a while and cope with issue that stands before you. Sunglasses is a treatment, hold no shame.

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