ferret Posted July 5, 2012 Report Share Posted July 5, 2012 Thanks to anyone who reads this whole thing. I didn't mean to make it so long. I've been doing really well. For the last month I've had basically no symptoms other than snow in the dark. Last night and ecspeacially this morning have been fucked. Yesterday was the fourth so I went to see fireworks. I stupidly started worrying that the fireworks were somehow going to give me visuals and that fear (even though I knew it was stupid) aloing with the loud bangs from the fireworks increased my anxiety a bit. i then went to a small party where some people were smoking weed. I explained to them why I couldn't smoke and they were cool about it but they were smoking and since HPPD I get scared every time I'm around pot that I'm going to get a second-hand high and fuck up my HPPD. I reallly dont think that I could have inhaled enough smoke last night to effect me but my tolererance is low and I was feeling knd of goofy after a while (i usualy do when I'm tired). Anyways the fear of getting worse from second-hand pot smoke also increased my anxiety and I started to notice a little snow in darker areas (but lighter than where I usually see snow). Anyways I went Home and tried to get to sleep but I started noticing CEVs again. Honestly the CEVs didn't bother me and I kind of enjoyed them because they have become so rare now and I got to sleep. This morning I woke up at like 5 (I planned to get up at 8) and tried to get back to sleep but I was really distracted thinking about something urelated so I stayed awake in bed for a while. I started to realize that I was having nonsensical thoughts. I was like imagining someone telling me a story in my head and all the sudden realised it and didn't know where I had gotten the story from, i couldn't really remember it but it had something to do with the narator buying somehing (I know that sounds fucking insane but I was half asleep so it really wasn't that fucked up, it used to happen a lot when I first got HPPD). It didn't really bother me because it used to happen a lot so i just thought it was kind of funny. Remember that I have slept with a light on since HPPD. The following event became really hard to remember almost imediately after it happened so I'll try to give the best account that I can. All of the sudden I felt like something was really wrong I tryed looking to the side of my bed but my feild of vision was really small like my eyes were half open (although they may have either been fully open or fully closed). When I looked beside the foot of my bed I noticed that my fan was on even though I knew it had been unplugged for the past week because I got an A/C. I suddenly felt the rush of the air flow over me and a chill come over me. I started to shake but there were fewer yet larger shakes that I usually have. I worried that someone must be in my room (I sleep with my door locked) and must have just turned the fan on. I tryed looking up towards my head but it felt like it took forever to change where I was looking. Suddenly I heard the voice Of someone I know saying "Garrett, I'm right here" or something like that in a really creepy way. The person whos voice I heard was pretty random, I know them well enough to recognize their voice but they aren't a significant part of my life and I don't even think I've seen them for a month. Anyways as I heard the voice my vision shifted up enough to see the speaker laying beside me (but up a little higher up on the bed). They were wearing dark colors and my vision never shifted up enough to see their face. Before I saw their face I "came to". The fan was off and I was alone. I'm not sure if my eyes were open or closed for this "dream" but the room was portrayed quite accurately in it other than the fan. Somehow I wasn't that panicked from it and managed to keep my composure and just layed in bed for a little while. For a second I was shaking in my bed the same as I had been in the "dream". I'm not really sure if this was another Hypnagogic hallucination or if I'm going completely insane. The barrier between the "dream" and "coming to" seemed very thin, it didn't feel like waking up, Its hard to describe, maybe it was just that way because the anxiety had me wake up so quickly. I really Hope that I'm not schitzo. Does this experience sound familliar to anyone? What are your thoughts on it? Any imput is apreciated right now cause I'm kind of shaken at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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