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hppd is a cruel game noone wants to play ( euans recovery thread )


2muchmandy
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Just had a lil drdp attack followed by anxiety tryna attack. Every time I think im almost cured something new comes to the party. Drdp I hope it wont stay and trails appear to be forming.

I also have anxiety about eating and touching things that may make me trip ( can someone help me lay this to rest ) is there any foods or everyday smokes/chemicals things that have made visuals worse?

My closed eye visuals have almost gone. For this I am thankful, going to sleep no longer causes fear. I enjoy being in my bed now and getting to sleep. Snow is gone. Its just glare on walls and like...smoke outside I see. Text still floats round. Symptoms that have disappeared in the past months are

Coloured 2cb patterns when awake. Red dots in visual field, sparkly visual snow. Sparkly patterny snow when waking up that lasted up to half an hour, gradually got shorter now gone. Tinnitus back to pre hppd level. Head pressure gone. Sky sperm almost gone. Ghosty patterns now just messy movement. Qnxiety 80% reduced ( first week I was probably institutionalisable )

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Na they dont hurt side to side. Was just a random pain. Palming? Also the worry of schizophrenia is back because of my new ocd worries about random shit getting me high. But I try remind myself anxiety is the reason I have these feelings and thoughts. Im not mad im just going through a tough phase

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Palming

Bates suggested closing the eyes for minutes at a time to help bring about relaxation.[15] He asserted that the relaxation could be deepened in most cases by "palming", or covering the closed eyes with the palms of the hands, without putting pressure on the eyeballs.[1] If the covered eyes did not strain, he said, they would see "a field so black that it is impossible to remember, imagine, or see anything blacker", since light was excluded by the palms. However, he reported that some of his patients experienced "illusions of lights and colors" sometimes amounting to "kaleidoscopic appearances" as they "palmed", occurrences which he attributed to his ubiquitous "strain" and which he claimed disappeared when one truly relaxed.[15] This phenomenon, however, was almost certainly caused by Eigengrau or "dark light". In fact, even in conditions of perfect darkness, as inside a cave, neurons at every level of the visual system produce random background activity that is interpreted by the brain as patterns of light and color.[4]

its really hard helping you to cope with anxiety i think everyone needs his own coping method. try to chill you wont get mad.

see there are people who doesnt leave their house while there is a thunderstorm outside. they think they are safe staying at home. and then a lightning fucks up their flat. the quintessence of this stupid example is worrying to much cant safe you of being fucked up, but it could also prevent you from seeing the rainbow.

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No ur right man. Why worry about something I cant control. I just keep thinking feelings of goin mad are common as hell anxiety symptoms...and if I did become schizophrenic there are medications and things that can help me live a normal life. No matter what I can find a way of living my life

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No ur right man. Why worry about something I cant control. I just keep thinking feelings of goin mad are common as hell anxiety symptoms...and if I did become schizophrenic there are medications and things that can help me live a normal life. No matter what I can find a way of living my life

why are you worried about becoming schizophrenic if you dont mind me asking? did your trip that caused the onset of your hppd involve a schitz attack? just wondering cause im sort of on the same boat of you in a sense that in my 'bad trip' that gave me this disorder was basically me having a crazy attack but since my onset i havent had any flashbacks that lead to me having another one apart from this one fucked up night i had on md at a club, was honestly the scariest night of my life and totally put me off all drugs. hope you get better soon man, thankfully ive only got mild hppd but by the sounds of it you've got it pretty badly

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naa nothing like it man, my hppd is very very mild. i have the snow but mentally im 100% normal for weeks at a time, then i have bad days

i just worry that the strange anxious thoughts arnt normal, am i going insane. its totally irrational. i have a good grasp on reality, i feel pretty grounded, im not depressed anymore. as far as hppd goes im like 90% fixed. i just get worked up sometimes and get upset. i worry that im deteriorating and noone can help me. then shake outta it like 10 minutes later like dude WTF, im almost healed up visually, i have a few mental glitches once a fortnight or so but apart from that im fuckin fine. i just get anxiety purges i call em, usually i fend em off and am fine but sometimes its too much and the thoughts race and i freak out

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I still cant get rid of the fear of schitzophrenia either. I had full on conversations with a lot of imaginary people while I was triping and I cant find many people who have experienced that so it worries me. Also I found out after taking shrooms that one of my uncles was schitzophrenic and it runs in families. Why the fuck didn't my family tell me I had a schitzo uncle? I never would have done shrooms if I had known.

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I still cant get rid of the fear of schitzophrenia either. I had full on conversations with a lot of imaginary people while I was triping and I cant find many people who have experienced that so it worries me. Also I found out after taking shrooms that one of my uncles was schitzophrenic and it runs in families. Why the fuck didn't my family tell me I had a schitzo uncle? I never would have done shrooms if I had known.

funnily enough i found out from my dad that my uncle was schitz a few months back and it does make you wonder whether it runs in the family. as far as schizophrenia goes for me, being a club stupidly taking a bomb of md knowing that i have mild hppd, left me with geometric patterns everywhere and crazy closed eye visuals. everything was pretty under control untill i went outside and smoked a spliff which brought on a full blown schizophrenic attack, not knowing that this zoot would completely tip me over the edge, it triggered a flash back that led me straight back to the first lsd trip i had that gave me HPPD and being in that club where literally everyone is out to get you, looking round at groups ofpeople discussing my thoughts and behaviour, in strange voices that can only be described as shit scary is by far the most horrifying experience ive ever had to go through, never mind the fact that everyone looked completely animated and cartoon like and the club turned into a hellish place where i pretty much struggled to find the exit. but yeah i thought i'd share how far a flash back goes for me and knowing that i have these schizophrenic assets now installed in my brain but its honestly the least of my worries. im more concerned about this shitty visual snow that makes everything look like complete and utter shite. if only this disorder had an expiry date and my brain would reset back to normal

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  • 1 year later...

Just had a lil drdp attack followed by anxiety tryna attack. Every time I think im almost cured something new comes to the party. Drdp I hope it wont stay and trails appear to be forming.

I also have anxiety about eating and touching things that may make me trip ( can someone help me lay this to rest ) is there any foods or everyday smokes/chemicals things that have made visuals worse?

My closed eye visuals have almost gone. For this I am thankful, going to sleep no longer causes fear. I enjoy being in my bed now and getting to sleep. Snow is gone. Its just glare on walls and like...smoke outside I see. Text still floats round. Symptoms that have disappeared in the past months are

Coloured 2cb patterns when awake. Red dots in visual field, sparkly visual snow. Sparkly patterny snow when waking up that lasted up to half an hour, gradually got shorter now gone. Tinnitus back to pre hppd level. Head pressure gone. Sky sperm almost gone. Ghosty patterns now just messy movement. Qnxiety 80% reduced ( first week I was probably institutionalisable )

How often do the red pixels light up? Once every blue moon? I was just wondering because every once in a while I get black pixels on my visual field that fade to a red pixel (they're only there for a fraction of a second)

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