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Br0k3nS41nt

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Everything posted by Br0k3nS41nt

  1. If you have been experiencing these symptoms for 14 months, if you stay away from drugs, that is probably as bad as it is going to get for you. HPPD can be really bad though. My worst symptom was movement, to the point where everything was moving at all times, it doesn't do that anymore really. My monitor is kinda warping right now, but that is business as usual.
  2. Yeah, I got near perfect, color contrast was never my problem though.
  3. I have to agree with shaolin here, though I am interested in the mechanisms behind this disorder, I just want to find the best way to cope with it. That is my job, I will leave the discovery of a reliable treatment up to the professionals. I think I am doing pretty well too, I don't take meds (I will once they find one and test it to be certain to treat the disorder) and I really never feel anxious anymore. Weirdly I am almost comforted by my DP, like I found a little niche in the universe where I can settle, yet I still would prefer existing again. I keep no hope for a recovery and really don't even think about any loss I have sustained, I am just about making the best with what I have, if I ever come out of it that would be great, but I am to the point I could see myself 50 years down the road like this and can shrug it off. Hell it makes me a one hell of an interesting person to me, something that was not so apparent beforehand.
  4. Yeah, for a while lines would bounce. Do you experience any unsteadiness from this movement. That was my worst symptom for so long.
  5. Is that what you experience now? Trails and afterimages, has any of it changed become more or less intense over the years? Any Depersonalization? Just curious on the progression of the disorder over time.
  6. I guess if it works for you... to me it is just cold, like I am living on the edge of existence, gazing out into the chaos of the void.
  7. Yeah, I would tread real lightly I got HPPD from my first trip, like you, it started lightly, movement and dizziness. And now its broad spectrum. Visual snow, afterimages, depersonalization. The last being the most unsettling feeling you will ever feel in your life, like Blotted said, whoever you think you are now will be lost to you, I feel as though I am eyes attached to legs, that reality is a million miles away from me. That being said, if your symptoms do progress it is not the end of the world. I have had this for eight months now and I am to the point where I can function normally outwardly, but I just feel like nothing internally.
  8. Perceptual disorders are in a weird place, not dangerous enough to get any real time put into them, yet disruptive enough to seriously impact quality of life, yet never overtly objectively, Compounded with the relative rarity and strange nature of the disorder, and we have one hell of an elusive bugger.
  9. Br0k3nS41nt

    Hi...

    Oh and tinnitus is associated with the disorder. As it is with many actually
  10. Br0k3nS41nt

    Hi...

    I don't know with lithium but with antipsychotics like Resperidol it will worsen HPPD symptoms to the point where really weird things will happen to your vision. I heard someone who took Resperidol with HPPD whose vision totally flipped, as right was left and left was right, for the entire time he was on it. I don't know if Lithium would do something similar but you should discuss HPPD with your doctor who prescribed your meds. See what he says, give him literature on it, if he does not know about HPPD, ask him if he could look it up, there are resources available to him which would make learning many things about HPPD easy. I hope you feel better.
  11. Br0k3nS41nt

    Hi...

    Have you ever used hallucinagens? Ever? There can be a considerable latency between ingestion and symptoms of HPPD. If you haven't ever done them, it isnt hppd but it seems to have the same symptoms, do you suffer from migranes, there is something called persistant migrane aura that carries the same symptoms without the drug use, the void you are experiencing is depersonlization disorder, a disorder people with our kinds of problems frequently experience. For me words would bounce, hell my whole world would bounce, and I feel super detacted from everything around me, almost as though I am not really there.
  12. That is how my computer screen used to warp, blackboards used to do that as well. Generally though the movement I have perceive d was always more uniform than that my whole field of vision used to sway up and down, now that I think of it trees used to warp like that and the ground would breath. None of that happens now apart from the occasional wobble, just the normal static, image burnins and depersonalization for me.
  13. Every time I think I am out it of the woods, its days like this that remind me how lost I still am.

  14. First of all, you are not crazy, there are (many) others like you, like me. From what you said, it does sound like HPPD, which, although disconcerting, causes actual little physical harm to your body. The drugs probably just changed your receptor density in your brain, leading to a kinda lapse in your brain's visual editing process. This being said, it is understandable, that you have a lot of anxiety, those first few months are the hardest months many people will experience, myself included. The anxiety I am sure you feel is what lead to the depersonalization. The thing about depersonalization and general high anxiety is when you are first getting accustomed to it, you feel like you are losing your mind, as you said, but in actuality it is far from psychosis. As long as you not hearing voices and the hallucinations you perceive you know is from the HPPD you are most likely not going insane. Do not listen to the people around you, they have no fucking idea what you are going through right now, how could they? Just work on keeping in a good mindset yourself and only tell people who you know are going to sympathize with you and help you/ It is good you quit drugs, that is your first step for recovery. Just keep a good mindset, life goes on after HPPD, acceptance will come in time, perhaps recovery later. Welcome to our world, good luck
  15. The reason I think is that since the brain is not phyically damaged, just the receptor density changing you cannot see it through conventional scans. Only scans that show brain fuction would show it.
  16. Yeah that guy wanted me out, he even said so. I was a bit apprehensive because of the sedaition at first, I was afraid I would wake up and my world would be upside down. But I got through it alright, albeit extremely nauseated. Opiates don't sit right with my stomach, must have thrown up 8 times in the next 2 hours. All in all it was not the worst experience in the world.
  17. This post has been promoted to an article
  18. I have been consiously sedaited 50 ccs of versed 200 ccs of fentynol (may have the doses wrong) for wisdom teeth. After administering the meds when I was passing out all the colors bled into each other into light. I was really cool, I don't know if that was because of the hppd though. When I woke up everything was baseline. Was put on vicodin so that was pretty sweet. It shouldnt effect you too much but hppd is one unpredictable bugger.
  19. Every time I think I am getting rid of a symptom it comes back.

  20. Wait a week to change your relationship status No truer words have every been spoken lol. Hate those random changes all in one day filling my news feed.
  21. I have a G+ invite, but yet to set up a thing, I would be happy too when I figure everything out. Still need to check out Google+ seeing all its features. I will get back to you.
  22. Wow, that is really interesting. I have read about Post-trauma vision syndrome, and display some of the listed symptoms, I definitely think my bouncy vision is shared between me and people with it. The thing you said about binocular conversion also makes sense. It would make sense that I have some kind of Post trauma vision syndrome, but I can't point to any real trauma for the cause. Unless I had a minor stroke and didn't know it. I will try what you said. Thanks I will experiment with that over the next few days and get back to you.
  23. This was my first symptom, which I perceived the night of my shrooms intoxication, beginning about 5 hours after ingestion. While everyone was coming down, something in me snapped while I was trying to get to sleep, I felt it, and the room started moving out of control. It was pretty dark, the lights were off but across the room there was a small led light. The movement was in a pattern kinda, almost like a wave going from left to right around my head, as well as up and down repeatably. The led light in affect was moving around in circles. I had known about HPPD before I did shrooms and that night I kinda knew it was instantly. I got little sleep that night. Through that next week I had it stay quite the same, individual words on a page would move in circles, basically anything stationary was unhinged and move in some way, when I stared at walls, they would move up and down. At the end of that week I had my first bad "episode" this is when my disequilibrium started. I was looking at a wall move up and down, and my head went with it. Suddenly I felt completely off, like I was sideways in existence, I was looking at a wall but it felt like I was looking down, my perception in space was totally gone. This extreme feeling gradually fell to a baseline of a stormy ocean feeling, my visual hallucinations were represented by a feeling of them, the world moved and I felt it. Even when my eyes were closed, I felt it. This continued for like 3.5 months, when the internal feeling faded into to almost nothing. That extreme feeling happened a few times after the first time, but never to the proportion it was initially. The perception of movement while I was stationary took about another month to die down to minimal levels, by this time, the other symptoms of HPPD had been realized. I think HPPD must be what I am suffering from, although I never got it diagnosed, I was unsure of this when it was just movement and dizziness, but now since the other symptoms, it must be. Most people with HPPD, symptoms gradually worsen to a baseline over the first couple of months, there is a considerable latency sometimes between intoxication and HPPD. I don't think it is that abnormal that my symptoms happened gradually, it is always uncertain though. In addition, my symptoms began shrooms night. I have no time where I can point to any head trauma, and I did not injest any substance that would be considered toxic, the hardest drug I did was weed and that only sparingly. Those times were stupidity on my part. I can almost correlate the progression of my other symptoms to those times I smoked. "Is there anything you (or anyone else) have tried that you think is helping?" I was prescribed antivert for dizzines and it worked on my disequallibrium when I was convinced it was vestibular disorder. I don't know if it was a placebo effect though. I had a couple bad episodes as well while on it. The funniest thing though that has help is watching TV, or playing video games. Things will not move while I do this, and my dizziness would disappear. I don't know, the last few days I saw a relapse in some of my dizziness and movement, the side of the screen is breathing a bit, nothing I can't handle but it is something of note. I hope you feel well.
  24. Heh, normal you say. That is all I want anymore, to feel normal, I am totally fine with the visuals now. I just feel so strange, like I am the only one in where ever I am, everyone is so far away.
  25. Saw my first real trails, I have all the symptoms. Finally, full HPPD with all the trimmings. Sweet.

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