K.B.Fante

No, but I had probably the most intense bout of anxiety in my entire life a few weeks before. It went on for about a week and I couldn't sleep. I was also coming off about four months of really poor nutrition and the last few nights prior to taking the acid I didn't sleep much, so needless to say my brain was ripe for some sort of disaster -- not to mention the acid I took was stored in a freezer for five years. I'm convinced it was the perfect combination of elements that led me to HPPD. I will say this though: During my trip there was a period of about 10 minutes where I was essentially overcome with the most severe and childlike fear I've ever experienced and had this feeling I'll never forget of being sucked back into my head, sorta like what ends up happening with DP-DR. It was essentially the beginning of what could have been a terrible bad trip with all sorts of panic attacks, but I managed to steady myself mentally and basically recover and go on to have the best trip of my life. It was bizarre, but I'm convinced it was that period that cause my HPPD. Something happened in that timeframe that broke my brain some way or another, I just can't figure out what obviously.

I had really bad fatigue when I first got HPPD but I don't know that it lasted for four months. My eyes and brain still get tired at the end of the day two years later, but nothing too bad I suppose. I know people who suffer brain injuries often have intense fatigue shortly after their injury, but I'm not sure how long it lasts.

Yeah, I basically had Visual Snow Syndrome in high school but had no clue what it was and thought it was just unique to me. I literally didn't think anyone else in the world had it and so I ignored it and forgot about it when it went away. I just wish I was more aware back then because I never would have continued doing drugs.

I don't know where you came up with this idea it's a "life sentence." There are recovery stories up and down this forum. It's a well known fact people recovery from HPPD all the time. Get a therapist, exercise, eat healthy and give yourself some time. You'll be OK eventually.

More reason for people to steer clear of suicide. There's so much movement on the brain science front, it's only a matter of time before we at least get attention and a possible treatment plan.

Yeah, clearly there's a lot of variance in symptoms. What drug did you get your HPPD from? It is definitely odd that so few people have macropsia to me, given it's been one of my worst symptoms.

Curious if anybody else has cycloplegia. Here's the Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycloplegia This has been one of my worst visual symptoms, in combination with macropsia (nearby objects appearing larger), mydriasis (pupil dilation) and diplopia (double vision). Essentially, as some have stated pointed out, it's as if my eyes have the functionality of a really bad camera. It's difficult for them to move fast, adjust, etc. These conditions -- or rather, these damages -- can be traced back to the oculomotor nerve which dictates eye function and is part of the central nervous system originating inside the brain. I read recently that LSD activates the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight), which certainly accounts for pupil dilation. As is stated in the mydriasis Wikipedia page, pupil constriction is dictated by parasympathetic fibers running through the oculomotor nerve and if damaged will result in pupil dilation given those fibers are run by the sympathetic nervous system. Also, almost all of these and other neurological conditions affecting vision have links to stroke and chemical toxicity. Given my HPPD-like reaction to nightshades -- which contain many toxic compounds, including the same ones found in the synthesis of MDMA -- and the toxicity associated with the production and chemical makeup of LSD (if your acid isn't made by an expert there's a good chance it contains some toxicity) and MDMA (both being some of the leading culprits of HPPD), I don't think it's too far-fetched to suggest HPPD could be neurotoxic brain damage of some kind. The links to all these varying side effects and chemicals and nerve-related eye conditions are just too strong to ignore. This could also explain why medications have such a disappointing track record. If we were dealing strictly with a chemical imbalance there would be a much higher rate of success in alleviating symptoms given the variety of medications undertaken on this board. The fact is, if you don't have the receptor availability or biological agents required to break down and absorb certain neurotransmitters then it won't matter how many of those neurotransmitters you're increasing or decreasing. Just thinking aloud...

Lexapro gave me anisocoria which has yet to subside a year later. If you're after an antidepressant there are many natural routes to go that are much safer. Many people have said SSRIs helped them, but I don't know of anybody who's claimed they've particularly helped their HPPD symptoms.

No, I don't think so. If so it's not because of HPPD, but rather genes and lifestyle. If you have HPPD there's a good chance you also have mental illness yourself or have family members who suffer from an illness of some kind or another. This, and not contracting HPPD, is what will likely raise your risk of dementia. I really can't emphasize how much this sort of thing can be prevented though. If you eat healthy, exercise and limit stress your chances of getting some form of dementia are extremely low even if you're exposed to it genetically.

Seems there's been an uptick in posts where users wonder whether they have HPPD, which I've always found a bit strange considering I knew I had HPPD the minute I read the symptoms list. If you take drugs and end up with HPPD symptoms then you have HPPD. I think it would be helpful to have an introductory post stating something along these lines, perhaps listing symptoms, what steps to take, what to do, what not to do, etc. I can even make one of these if someone wants to pin it. I just think there needs to be some general outline of what this condition is and what to do about it so people don't come here so lost. Just a thought.

It's evident HPPD, Visual Snow Syndrome, etc., aren't as simple as increasing certain neurotransmitter production or decreasing it. If this were the case then there would be many more meds than help than hurt by now. There's no cure and no treatment for this because nobody has a clue where to start. I'm of the belief we're dealing with some sort of parasympathetic nervous system malfunction that can only be healed through good health. But that's just me.

Yeah, you definitely have DP-DR. Numb is a great movie. If you're into reading there's some good books on it. I think Feeling Unreal is probably the most famous. Also, there's speculation that a lot of philosophers had DP-related experiences so you could start with Descartes if you really wanna go down the rabbit hole! Diet has been the single most important factor of my recovery so I'm always going to try and promote a healthier lifestyle, but I realize some people may not respond in the same way as others. I guess all you can do is just try and be healthy and happy and do everything you can to get better. If you have to, there are certainly medications you can explore but they probably shouldn't be your first course of action. I'd really suggest cutting back on added sugar, gluten, junk food, etc., and see how you feel a few months from now. If you notice a change, even a very slight one, then keep on going. If not, well at least your doing your body a favor!

Yep, totally have this. My symptoms are always better in the morning rather than at night but no matter when I close my eyes for anymore than about 30 seconds I'll always have geometric patterns right after opening them again, especially if I'm looking at a blank wall or sky. I think it's more a result of our eyes adjusting to different lightening situations than anything.

Interesting connection to choline. I just posted in another thread about anticholinergic syndrome and it's relation to HPPD.

Man, that sounds rough. I guess we're all in the same boat, but society has always told us weed is safe and it's so painfully clear that's a complete lie. Lots of people with DP-DR report the same sort of story you do. DP-DR often comes with a variety of visual disturbances and some overlap with HPPD. Can you pinpoint exactly which symptoms you have and which are getting worse? That might be a good place to start. Also, you should examine how healthy your diet and lifestyle are and if they're less than superb you should try and help yourself in those respects. I've posted lots of dieting advice recently in case you're interested.

OK, bit of an update: It's been three days now and symptoms have definitely subsided. They're still lingering but it's nothing too bad. I imagine at this rate I'll be clear of exacerbated symptoms in a few more days. As I mentioned above nutmeg contains myristicin which can be found in many foods including many nightshades which I've already touched on in a post here: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5431-nightshades/#comment-34336 At this point I don't think there's even a question -- if you have HPPD you need to stay away from nightshades! These foods clearly contain multiple chemical agents that exacerbate HPPD. If you're someone who eats potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and others spicy foods on a regular basis then these are likely only making your condition worse. Additionally, myristicin can be found in many over-the-counter drugs, including antidepressants and antipsychotics. Here is a full list: http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/812644-clinical#b5 One of the above mentioned medications is an antihistamine called diphenhydramine. Last year when I couldn't sleep I took a few pills of this substance and noticed an immediate worsening of my symptoms the next day. I made a post about that which you can find here: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5091-diphenhydramine/#comment-31926 In fact, if you search this site's database for "diphenhydramine" you'll come up with over 90 results and posts similar to mine wherein people get HPPD from this same drug. Here are a few: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5228-acetycholine-and-hppd/#comment-33200 http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/4581-diphenhydramine/#comment-28376 Myristicin is known to cause what's called anticholinergic toxicity syndrome. This is actually a somewhat common condition wherein people show up to the ER with a variety of symptoms including hypertension, urinary retention, tremors, dry mouth and skin, altered mental status, etc. However, the range of symptoms is quite large and also includes the following, which as some on this site have already noted, overlap with those of HPPD: pupil dilation, light sensitivity (photophobia), blurred vision, double vision, loss of accommodation and inability to focus on nearby objects (cycloplegia), tendency to be easily startled, memory problems, inability to concentrate, disorientation, brain fog, periodic flashes of light, visual snow, tunnel vision, warping or morphing, squiggly lines, patterns on surfaces, etc. Here is a full list: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anticholinergic One thing I've found interesting about neurotransmission when my symptoms have worsened is that it's often due to a lack of a transmitter. In caffeine GABA uptake prevented. In nutmeg and other myristicin it's acetylcholine. And if you go back to the original source, LSD, it's serotonin. In each case, as far as I can tell, there is a prevention of neurotransmission that causes HPPD symptoms to manifest. Would this not then suggest HPPD could be rooted in the brain's inability to absorb and or process certain neurotransmitters? I don't know much about this stuff so perhaps if someone else does they can chime in. Regardless, stay away from those nightshades!

Best thing you can do is seek help, start going to support groups, radically clean up your diet to eliminate excess sugar, stimulants, fast food, etc., and of course try and get some exercise. Nothing ever stays the same and you will get through this, despite how difficult it seems, just as long as you get healthy and work your tail off to get better. I've been there before and I've done it, along with many others. But it's very hard and takes more effort and resiliency than you ever thought possible. Life is worth it in the end. This is just a temporary state.

Here's a brief article on nutmeg that I found very interesting: https://naturespoisons.com/2014/03/20/myristicin-trippin-on-nutmeg/ Lots of overlap with HPPD. One of the quotes in there comes from a guy who basically had HPPD-like symptoms for up to two weeks after taking it, including DP-DR, depth perception issues and morphing. Also, the author speculates it's a 5-HT2A agonist, which again is the suspected culprit from LSD-induced HPPD. Whatever you do people, stay away from nutmeg!

OK, so it's been two days since I ate the Nutmeg and the symptoms are still there. Last night I went to bed at 2 a.m. which I haven't done in over two years. I've sorta felt like I'm on caffeine, my heartbeat has been increased for two days straight and I have a general sense of mental instability and unease. I also have increased snow, trails, afterimages, a sense of detachment from my body and even CEVs which I haven't had since the first few days of my original HPPD. I also have dry mouth and some odd memories that are popping up at random, which sounds like standard symptoms for nutmeg. It's fair to say at this point I'm a bit worried just because I don't think I age that much nutmeg and the symptoms are still hanging around. They have decreased since the first day but not by that much. A quick Google search reveals the psychoactive substance in nutmeg is called myristicin which is the precursor for the synthesis of MDMA. As many of us know that's just about the worst drug you could possible do to get HPPD or exacerbate it. I'll keep trudging forward and hope for this to pass but considering it's been two days and its still very much there and very difficult to ignore I'm just getting concerned. In the past when I've overdose on caffeine the symptoms have decreased much faster and weren't quite as bad psychologically. This state I'm in now almost feels like, once again, a very light acid trip. I've been trying to heal from that state for two years now and was finally at the point where I was pretty good day to day. I've done so much to avoid drugs and anything that could worsen my symptoms, so the fact this happened after putting too much spice on my oatmeal is really discouraging to say the least. Just makes me feel like nothing is safe anymore. I'll keep everyone updated.

http://gizmodo.com/scientists-used-crispr-to-reverse-huntingtons-disease-i-1796262804

Yes, DP-DR are some of my worst symptoms. Getting better though. Also, add to the list nutmeg. It's a psychoactive substance that can even induce hallucinations if taking in large enough quantities. I've had a spice mix that I've been putting in my oatmeal in the morning and finally today put in way too much and felt essentially the same as when I ingest too much caffeine. Not a pleasant experience to say the least. Also, I find it interesting how I always react the same way to stimulants regardless of what they are. For example, I find myself staring in the mirror a lot more, paying way more attention to my symptoms and almost obsessing about them, being overly dramatic and negative, feeling as if the volume has been turned up inside my head and being unable to stop signing songs, etc. Just interesting how the pattern is always the same.

As my symptoms have improved my pupils have decreased drastically. Obviously there's a correlation between HPPD severity and pupil size in my case, and certainly in some others. Your pupils function like the aperture of a camera: when they are open, more light gets let in and the picture is lighter; when they are closed less light gets in and the picture is darker. I'm of the belief that for whatever reason my pupils are letting in too much light and visual stimuli which is causing many HPPD symptoms. There is obviously some sort of sensitivity, but I think it comes back to my eyes allowing too much stimulus into my brain in the first place.

I had crazy anger problems on Lamotrigine. I'd just wanna fight all the time and I've never been that type of person. Have you thought about trying other meds besides Keppra?

Given all the psychological problems you're having it might not be a bad idea to try meds. It's your call though. If you feel unstable, like you might harm yourself or simply can't make it through the day then meds are usually a good idea at that point. They don't "cure" HPPD though so don't get your hopes up. Lots of people have a positive reaction to the ones you've mentioned but sometimes people don't react well at all either. The only way to heal is stay far away from drugs, go stone cold sober and live a healthy lifestyle.

No worries! I knew where you were coming from. I never even thought of the hormones, which might have actually made my hormones messed up even more. All I know is I felt absolutely awful on dairy. As for being a vegan, it's actually pretty crazy how healthy you guys test out. Studies show time and time again that vegans are more healthy across the board than meat eaters. I don't know enough about the science as to why or whether we need meat, but from what I gather vegans tend to be healthier than just about any group around.