Dylan L

It's all about mental fortitude and willpower (kind of the same thing I know). I NEVER took a single dose of medication for my HPPD and I never seen a doctor in any field about it. I just lived through it and dealt with it, didn't let it control me, i controlled it. When my HPPD would dictate to me that "No, you don't need to apply for that deployment" I would just go do it. A total cure medicinally does seem like a false hope as you have said. The brain is one mysterious piece of work, that is for sure. However, if a cure is such an unreal possibility, then people like myself wouldn't be running around hallucination free. I never stopped drinking at all throughout the whole years i've had HPPD. I call bullshit on the people who say alcohol will ruin your chances of recovery because well, im cured and alcohol is coursing through my veins even at this very moment and i'm totally fine brother. Just keep hope, 20 years is a fucking long time and I feel for you and can only imagine what has gone through your head in the decades, I wish i could get my dad on here to talk to you. Your probably around his age, he has had HPPD for 30+ years and the tough buggar never even flinches from it haha.

Here's a "pearl of hope", I'm 100% cured after 5-6 years of living with HPPD. I know most docs cant fathom HPPD, in the sense of the word its a complete mysetery, even to those who understand it somewhat, but its very real, just like Combat PTSD which was shrugged off as cowardice in WWI, which is complete bullshit. Sure, it took 30 years for Combat PTSD to be fully recognized s a real mental illness, but the good hope is just that fact, that it was. HPPD research is still in its infancy, maybe in 20-30 years it will be understood and treatable, along the lines of Combat PTSD.

Afternoon gentlemen! Woke up today, still free as a bird i'm happy to say! I know I should have went into some details about the facts leading up to this, sorry I was obviously kind of rattled (in a good way) all day yesterday and was just blurting stuff out, Zukov, I don't take meds and I have not once taken a single dose of any medication for my HPPD, I don't even take Tylenol haha. I'm not involved in any organized sports but I am an extremely active person, I run 20km a day without fail and engage in strength/endurance training 5-6 times a week, and when i'm on duty all of that x10, so I pretty much have the whole "healthy lifestyle" thing under wraps. I've never been into meditation, although I do believe that it can lead to all kinds of healing. Chris, you wanted to know the types of symptoms I HAD ( ) haha, well I had visual snow like everyone else, most likely to a lower intensity however, 5-6 years dumbed it down quite a bit I also had movement of objects in circuar patterns when I would stare at them for a second or two. Those were honestly the only symptoms I had left, all the colors and morphing were completely gone. Seeing as I wasn't taking medication and didn't find some kind of "wonder drug" to fix HPPD, I obviously can't offer much of an explanation so i'll just tell you guys about what I think triggered some change in my head and so on, which have all happened in just the past few weeks. Alright, So I have been on restrictive duty for the past 5 months or so with my unit in the military because I overclocked my last deployment in Afghanistan, staying an extra 3 months when I should have went home and started my downtime. So when I finally got home after that long ass deployment I was notified that I would need to take extra downtime and engage in psychological evaluations (as most soldiers do who complete year+ deployments) This depressed the hell out of me because well, the military is my life, if I could just stay on deployment and be at the whim of the Canadian Forces indefinitely, I would without a second guess. I was becoming more and more disenchanted with civilian life as the months went by and was just sick with boredom. Then about 2 or so weeks ago I was informed that my downtime was set to be finished and that I will be returning to active duty with my unit as of January 7, 2013. When I heard this I went ballistic and started working out hardcore like we do for deployment prep ect. I was fucking ecstatic, easily the happiest I have been since my last time in Afghanistan. I was waking up excited like a kid in a candy store everyday. A week or so later I was talking to -mg on chat and my girlfriend came up and the fact that I didn't think our relationship would make it through my upcoming deployment, so I just up and decided to make the 10 hour drive and surprise her at her university. We'd done the whole skype thing almost every day, but holy hell, seeing her in person after so many months was just like taking a fucking hammer to the skull, in a good way, if that's possible. I've been with her for the past 4 days now and Jesus i'm living in pure happiness. So anyways, I woke up after spending the first day with her and I noticed that my centeral vision was completely clear and that I only had snow in my peripherals. I honestly didn't think much of it, I updated my status on here about it and kept on about my day. I was surprised that I was no becoming stressed out throughout all the large crowds and shitty traffic associated with Calgary as large cities usually make me wanna puke with stress, I just decided to fly with it. The more time I spent with her the more happy I was and I began thinking that perhaps the massive amounts of seratonin/dopamine or whatever the fuck my brain was getting was putting it somewhere else and that it was helping my HPPD somewhat. Woke up yesterday not expecting anything, nothing was that different except for the visual snow, but when I looked around, EVERYTHING was normal, no now, no movement. Shit, I forgot to say that I kind of quit drinking for the past week but whatever, I don't think that's important because when this all happened yesterday we went out for drinks to celebrate and it didn't affect my in any negative ways whatsoever. I don't know what else to put! I know things will only get better when I get to see the guys in my unit on the 7th, I'm just ecstatic!

Not even bullshitting anyone. A couple days ago my visual snow was only in my peripheral vision which made me insanely ecstatic. I woke up this morning and felt refreshed, I felt clean, the air tasted better and I was just completely on the ball as soon as I opened my eyes up. I walked around, had a chat with my girlfriend and even she took notice of how chipper I was and the fact that I wanted to hit up downtown as soon as possible, and I HATE city life. I looked around and noticed that everything was completely clear, no static, no movement of anything, and believe me when I say I sat there and stared around the room in a kind of clear confusion, nothing was happening. That was earlier this morning, after a day/night in the crowds and traffic, still nothing. I don't know what to say really, except that I hope everything stays like this, I don't know why it stopped, how it stopped and I don't CARE to know the reason it stopped! 5-6 years and it seems HPPD is a chapter now in my past! :D

Not even bullshitting anyone. A couple days ago my visual snow was only in my peripheral vision which made me insanely ecstatic. I woke up this morning and felt refreshed, I felt clean, the air tasted better and I was just completely on the ball as soon as I opened my eyes up. I walked around, had a chat with my girlfriend and even she took notice of how chipper I was and the fact that I wanted to hit up downtown as soon as possible, and I HATE city life. I looked around and noticed that everything was completely clear, no static, no movement of anything, and believe me when I say I sat there and stared around the room in a kind of clear confusion, nothing was happening. That was earlier this morning, after a day/night in the crowds and traffic, still nothing. I don't know what to say really, except that I hope everything stays like this, I don't know why it stopped, how it stopped and I don't CARE to know the reason it stopped! 5-6 years and it seems HPPD is a chapter now in my past! :D

I see. I'm aware that talking about your child on here is unsettling to you, but in my general interest to make peoples lives better when I can, I would like to say something in this instance. First, many children are born with over-active imaginations where they can even manifest themselves in the form of "hallucinations", but eventually go away completely upon entry into adolescence or sooner. If this was the case, your child would be fine and you would no longer have to worry. Second, you should watch for signs of and do some research (if you have not already) on Pediatric Schizophrenia, this would be the more likely scenario in a doctors mind. I want to stress this because if the child goes through his/her life led to beleive he/she has HPPD, but infact is a Schizophrenic, then this is unfair to said child because there are medications which can ground a Schizophrenic and allow them to lead normal lives, in which case they would be deprived of.

Emily, has your child been diagnosed with HPPD professionally?

My HPPD has gone away mostly over the past 5-6 years. I still have snow and the movement you speak of, however. Never freaked me out but it is unsettling to me that after 5-6 years I havent seen any marked improvement with it. At this point however, I have lived with it long enough that I rarely, if ever even notice it, even though it is happening 24/7. I suppose you could say it has gone away some in that case if youd like to be an potimist

Eh I agree completely with you but like 3rd was saying, trying to "stay in control" during all those psychedelic trips might have done some harm because it would have been a form of fighting it even if it didn't feel like it, as were everyone else just limped out and went with it.

Makes sense 3rd, never really thought of it that way because things always seemed so "normal" (odd word to use in this situation, i know). Guess we just should have been less daft and just let loose.

I hear you Craig, I've had HPPD for around.. I don't know, 6 or 7 years, I never was one to keep count of things like that, I found it as just another form of dwelling on it. It really does get better though, this is true. I consider myself 80% cured for sure, I only suffer from snow and the movement of objects if I stare at them. There needs to be more posts like this on here for newcomers to see that there is hope in this condition where there seems to be none.

Me and Chris has a little talk about genetic predisposition in regards to HPPD a little while ago and it was fairly interesting to me because my Dad has HPPD as well and has had it for many years, even from before I was born. All of my friends who I did drugs with back in highschool never developed HPPD and we had all done the same amounts roughly throughout those 4 years. I even proved to have a higher tolerance and willpower towards drugs, I could generally hold onto myself and maintain even through strong psychedelic trips where they might have freaked out and had a bad trip. Also, none of their parents were ever drug users, drinkers, yes, but not drugs. My Dad was always heavy into drugs, lots of LSD, mushrooms and Cocaine, inherently my Mom, being around my Dad, got into these drugs as well. My Dad ended up with HPPD. Now out of all my friends, I was the only one to develop HPPD. For myself, the evidence stacks towards the fact that I was made a easier target because of my Dad's condition.

Well I never feel like I am disconnected from the things that I do. When I am working I am always able to direct 100% of myself towards what I am doing without fail. I do, however, sometimes drift off when I am talking to people and it is not because of general disinterest in what the person has to say. I never really drifted out of conversations until I got HPPD but I never really even thought that it would or could have been caused by it. I never even considered having DP/DR until now. I doubt I have it though If I had DP/DR there would be no way I could maintain the career I have now at a professional level. I just quit drinking 4 days ago. hopefully this brings about some positive changes in my brain.

Merry belated Christmas to yourself, and everyone else as well.

Throughout my military career, i have seen uncountable amounts of atrocities that would make a normal, decent human being gag in revolt and disgust. I myself never was bothered by these sights or by the actions I have bee ordered to carry out, however, I have served with many men who it all proved to overbearing for and succumbed to the hell of PTSD. Men I knew for years were curled into balls in the fetal position crying uncontrollably, begging to go home and completely unfit for general duty. I have never suffered from PTSD, but I do suffer from lucid dreams about these numerous atrocities I have witnessed or taken part in. I like to attribute the dreams to my HPPD, it serves as a scape goat from the elephant in the room, PTSD. I just hope it's the HPPD and not PTSD.

I appreciate all of the comments. Jay: I can barely ever see the people I work with anymore and built a brotherhood with because when they all went home during our last deployment, I overclocked and stayed for 3 extra months, so now Im sitting at home on restrictive duty until February and am only thrown into active service when there is a high readiness alert sent out, like when Syria had the little Sarin ammunition scare... Honestly, i just beleive its the months of not working with these guys already that is getting to me, i mean, my girlfriend and family are all fantastic consolation, but ive been through life and death with these guys, so not seeing them, and knowing i cant help them if they are in fact overseas at this moment is eating from the inside out... About the cats, i dont know what it is about me, but they just seem to hate me. Every cat i have come into contact with has either hissed, scratched or bitten me. I would consider a dog, but since im leaving for 6 months this February, i cant stay the course and be devoted to him/her, which would not be fair to the animal. Boo: The best place to start is with people who really do understand you and are not pretending, and that place is here. Stick around, learn, talk ad have a laugh or two with us. Were all here to help heal one another.