hppd33

I have this shaking eyes, when im closing my eyes they  shake somewhat, And sometimes when they dont shake i see waves not amusing anymore

Just curious, what people do in a day.

I try to walk in the city and 4 hours after that I need a 2 hours sleep. After that I smoke alot and sit in my house.

Sit behind my computer, and trying to think about a solution or when i am going to kill myself.

Mostly is my DP/DR the main problem of my hppd. Also have visual snow and CEV's.

Its so fucked up, everything what i do i dont like, i dont smile, no emotions except hate and anger.

I'm jealous I'm way to anxious about everything to even begin one or even talk to girl for a long time. Can't look anyone in the eyes for really ny amount of time. Looking at bridge of nose works ok I guess though

yes

Iam getting so sick of this DP/DR HPPD and no emotions, onkly fear.

I there anyone who is cured?

Please share your meds tips and tricks!

I am so freaking afraid of everything i must do, that it isnt called a life anymore,

I want to accept, but what i really want is to talk normal with people without "the zombie look" Think more clearer, and i want a girl.

Only thing is always talk negative about stuff, i dont want to be negative, but positive, i dont feel it!

What does help?

I know meds give some relief, bit clonazepam is hellish. Again today in a cinema a pannick attack goddamnti

idk man.. the first few months was fucking horrible for me. I wasn't even noticing the visuals as much as the anxiety and DP/DR, so in that way it sort of seemed to grow, but it was actually always there. After the initial "holy fucking shit what happened to me", I just started noticing more weird shit because I wasn't as preoccupied with the mind stuff as I initially was. It was only then that I started reading about HPPD, and realized that this wasn't just some MDMA-tail hangover type of thing.

The promoted posts are lost man. And why wouldn't you eat flour?

Don't get me wrong, I like the whole idea of eating healthy. But everything in moderation, right?

Taking Xanax is something you have to decide for yourself. IIRC it's the most addictive benzo available, so I suggest you consider other BZD's if you're going down that road.

Every benzo is addictive, i have had ALOT. klonopin is the worst ever, everytime i take one it makes soo sleepy although its 0.25mg.

I am going for xanax now, hopes this helps better, i cant stop with benzo's with these sensations of hppd and dp/dr. Also i refuse to live in fear.

Thats not a problem, if i get less tired from it and it works thats great

Hello peeps, 

Does xanax works better then klonopin for hppd? 

Hi.

Does anyone have visual snow like this: http://www.visionsimulations.com/vision-simulators/visual-snow-simulator ?

If I look in my room, i dont have it like this thanks god

Great site imo!

Sometimes people dont understand your condition. Great for educating your family/friends

Cool man, you have reduced your symptoms, thats great to hear!

You tell your visual snow reduced, did you also had closed eye visions? Did it reduced because of the keppra? or is it the klonopin.

The anxiety you feel i understand very well, sometimes i look into someone's eyes and i know i have a meaningless face, thats what disturb's me the most. Its not spontainious anymore. also the fact, people can all of a sudden turn into "puppets" scares the shit outta me.

I am taking lamotrigine, isnt this the same as keppra? The sedative shit is most likely because of the klonopin, in combination with other meds , when the klono kicks in i want to go to bed, and when im out of bed, my anxiety begins again, so i take another klono. It is fucking not normal.

I still want to quit klonopin, but i need something what keeps the visual snow in the air, and when my eyes are closed away.

7 years.

Do you hate sounds? Do you hate it when you are doing something what you dont enjoy? Do you have this feelings? How do you relax? Do you do sports? Do you smoke? Are you DP/DR'ed? No feelings only fear, and skitzo like thingies

Do you have a girl friend? Are you shakey? Are your eyes looking death? Are you better then 6 years ago? Do you still drink alcohol? Does it help?

Lotsof questions but i just want to know, maybe i would feel better when im not alone in this shit.

IF you arent benzo addict yet, you will become one, and its not cool.

Try other meds, like lamotrigine or someting which takes your anxiety.

When on benzo, your DP/DR wont go away, only the anxiety

for how long do you have HPPD?

My experience with clonazepam, is memoryloss, addiction, tired, passive, depression. Only thing is it helps for my anxiety and hppd. Oxazepam/lorazepam dont work for my HPPD,.

Thought so.

I once saw a man on tv who had very heavy headaches and was close to kill himsellf, then he took incendentley took mushrooms, and his headache was over for a few weeks. He spaced the hell out of it for a couple of hours, but he knows his headache always goes away after the trip.

I am not going to risk it though

1. Prior to hppd, what was your drug experience

Mix of 3 xtc pills, $30 MDMA, 3 gram amphetamine, 30 bottles of beer, 7mg Lorazepam, 20mg lexapro, 2mg Haldol.

2. How long have you had hppd? 

1 year and 1 month

3. What triggered the start of your symptoms?

See 1

4. List your visual symptoms

Closed eye vision (worst, can not relax) floater, visual snow, blurry vision, shaking eye lids (shaking eyes)

5. List your physical and mental symptoms.

Depression, General anxiety disorder, paranoia, (achterdochtig, dont know the english word)

HPPD, bad case of DPD 

6. Have you remained drug free since hppd? Please specify if you still consume alcohol, caffeine, etc.

No drugs, only meds-klonopin. No more alcohol , caffeine yes.

7. How long did it take for your hppd to reach a baseline?

Its now worse then ever, close to suicide. 

8. Timeline of your symptoms?

Dunno.

9. Did your symptoms 'naturally' get worse?

Probably some med i take makes it worse, i think its the Seroquel.

10. What external factors made your symptoms permanently worse?

Stress. Socialize. too little sleep

11. What external factors made your symptoms temporarily worse?

Stress. Socialize. too little sleep

12. Any improvements? What factors? Timeline of improvement?

Trying to do alot of stuff were i not have to walk alot, walking makes me crazy, because i'm too DP 

I prefer biking and driving my scooter, it feels i am connected to something, which makes me kinda easy (this is DP)

My HPPD, the visuals i wrote above do not go away, unless i take klonopin, which makes the CEV's go away.

Hi there,

I managed to get hold of some clonazepam and tried a 2mg dose to see what relief it would bring.

While it did reduce my visuals and snow to almost nothing it did absolutely nothing for my DP/DR. The dissociation is definitely not anxiety related as I don't suffer with anxiety at all.

I'm struggling to think what to do next, the dissociation is killing me. I don't even feel alive any more and nothing feels real, I have the emotions of a robot. It wouldn't be so hard if I could enjoy things but its pretty much impossible when you don't feel emotions.

I really don't see why I have such bad dissociation as my hppd is relatively mild, aside from the visual snow which isn't all that bad my only complaints are trails, tracers, after images and very light patterning if I stare at a wall etc. basically if I'm outside my vision looks completely normal, so why I have such extreme detachment is beyond me.

Thanks.

clonazepam is for relief, dp/dr doesnt goes away. Indeed my hppd goes away also for a while. You just need to be stable on a very light dose, 2MG might work great for anxiety, but clonazepam fucks up your memory, if you ask me what did you do all day, i might only think about the moments i had a panicattack or very intense DR moment.

Man i wish i could turn the time, this is a living hell, fuck drugs.

Hi

I am interested in people who use medication which make life with HPPD + DP/DR liveable.

I take: 0.7mg rivotril-20mg lexapro-25mg lamotrigine-25mg seroquel.

The worst thing is my i dont see well anymore, everything is blurry and I dont recognize people from distance anymore, what might this be? The lamotrigine or seroquel?

I have terrible anxiety still, but i was sooo tired of all those meds and my memory was gone, so i tried first takin 1 mg mornig and 1mg afternoon, and 10-11 clock bed time, so i took seroquel.

After that a week later i took 0.5 morning and 0.5 afternoon, my anxiety became worst so i had to be stable for 2 weeks on this dose.

Now i take with each meal, 0.25.

My DP/DR is extreme too in the morning when my lexapro 20mg + clonazepam 0.25 and lamotrigine 25mg kicks in, the only thing i want then is going to bed and sleep.

I am not happy with lexapro, it makes me extremly tired and my depression is major.

What medication do you take?

Is there anyone who has some technique or meds, or natural healing for visual snow and/or closed eye visions?

I was on 4mg a day (clonazepam,rivotril,klonopin) I was sooo freaking tired from it and i went insane because i thought i was cured, talking about all kinda bullshit and want to to talk to anyone, with a very zombie-look from eyes, i scared some people they said, so i tried to lower the doses and i am now stable on 0,7MG

half in morning 0.25 afternoon 0.25 evening 0.25. And still I am very tired. Maybe its because I also take lamotrigine lexapro and seroquel and levocitricine.

I lost my memory from rivotril, i dont speak often, because i sometimes do not know what to talk about, and i am afraid to say something wrong with my depressed face. I cant laugh or make a little smile when i walk on the street, i hate it so much. 

Though what helps alot for my hppd and DR is a sunglass, its like nobody sees your eyes, and the visuals/intense colors are not so bad.

Only thing, its weird to have sunglasses on everywere. Though it helps me, and i can smile on the streets (sometimes)

Also buy a scooter(no helmet required) it makes you feel connected somehow, i feel good riding that thing, a car is sometimes not a good idea, 

and makes me feel more DP/DR.

What i hate the most is that i cannot keep up all day, and have limits in life. This is not what i want, i'm still fighting with that. 

I know i must accept it, and hope for a cure. 

smoking helps me too, i can blow the stress away and have someting todo, or play with my phone. I can't sit at home relaxing anymore, i have this feeling of rush in me that io have to do someting, that might gonna make me feel better. Like doing my garden, it made me feel good, and while working i wqasnt thinking about my problems.

No alcohol is fucked up too. Sometimes i just want super relief and drink a nice cold Heineken ;( 

Anyway its my own fault, and have to accept the consequences of living on the edge.

Good night!

Ben daar geweest bij Gerard

ik heb je een berichtje gestuurd.

Ik probeer het ook met een korreltje zout te nemen allemaal, doch is het levens vernietigend allemaal. Mensen snappen het niet.

Die ggz heb ik totaal geen vertrouwen in, ik ga op gesprek en even horen wat ze kunnen doen. 

Voor de rest, laptop.. savonds meetings bij NA en AA. Altijd gezellig

Soms even de stad in. Savonds voel ik me altijd beter, althans als het gaat schemeren. 

Ik herken een hoop in je verhaal. Ik ga alleen niet lopen kutten met zelf medicijnen bestellen. Ik ga de psych vragen contact op te nemen met Dr A. en een goeie mix van medicijnen voor me te brouwen.

Nederlands gaat me beter af

Ik slik rivotril(clona) 0,75 per dag, puur omdat ik anders in me bed blijf liggen. Ik wil wel mee voor rust maar dan ben ik nergens en lig ik alleen maar te slapen en te kwijlen.

Ik rook me eigen het schompes, zware shag, en drink sochtends koffie, anders kan ik niet opstarten.

Drugs hebben nooit gewerkt bij mij, omdat ik lexapro en haldol slikte, alleen mdma gaf een fijn gevoel.. maar daardoor heb ik deze ellende.

Alcohol heb ik 17 jaar elke dag gedronken, nu sinds een jaar gestopt, omdat ik bang ben voor de kater, of misschien de dood.

Ik heb rTMS gedaan voor depersonalisatie.

Haldol slikte ik voor rust in me hoofd, omdat ik psychose gevoelig was.

Lexapro werkt voor geen meter, maar als ik het niet slik voel ik het wel. Dus een nieuwe SSRI staat op me verlang lijstje.

Lamotrigine slik ik in zeer lage dosis(25mg) maar heeft ook keerzijdes zoals droge mond, humeurig.

Dat paranoide heb ik ook, alsof er elk moment iemand me een klap op me smoel gaat geven, ik ben ook zeer cynisch tegen leuke berichten van andere, ook van mezelf. Ik vind helemaal niks wat aan.

Binnekort ga ik naar de ggz, maar ik betwijfel of ze een goeie psych hebben die dingen over hppd weet en een cure heeft, DP/DR komt wel vaak voor. Meestal is het rivotril+SSRI.

Ik vertrouw mensen ook voor geen meter meer, ik heb heel veel tijd nodig voor ik iemand vertrouw. En als ze achter me rug praten, of uit lachen of iets dergelijks ben ik in staat !Q@#$

Maar goed, Drank is geen optie meer, wat ik ook erg vind, niet meer vluchten. 

Al met al flink klote

Hi All

I am suffering on hppd depersonalisation/ derealisatie and visual snow and closed eye visuals.
since 1 year
The only relieve is rivotril in combination with lexapro/ seroquel and a little lamotrigine 25mg

I am always anxient and very angry all day, i cannot relax and my last option for rest is death.

the worst thing about my hppd is the closed eye visual and the visual snow when its cloudy, it exhauses me, i just cant deal with it.

There is a Dr in boston named  H. Abraham who knows alot of hppd, it looks like he is the best shot for my hppd. Only thing is his info is not cheap Anyone familiar with him?

Does anyone also suffer of the closed eye visual and the visual snow?

Also DP is a big problem, i always am very stressed when i walk, constantly aware of something might happen, its kinda paranoia.

I cant talk with people, after some moments they turn into puppets, and im scared as hell and want to leave.

Also nothing interest me anymore, only cures and success stories from people who suffer also from this shit.

Do you have any advise or some tips which can help me a little bit?

My hppd came from too much MDMA and speed together and with lexapro alcohol lorazepam haldol. I know i should be death, but im still here.

Is there any hope?