Well the HPPD visual part doesn't really bug me a lot, I guess it's been so long I just accept the static cling But I guess the one thing I really hate from the drug use starting at a young age and continuing through 15 years later playing music in bands, is some of the social/personal interactions.. I really dislike people I don't know and just am ok with it, I can meet people through other people though, I am just not outgoing. This is fine with me as most people see me as a "sick in the head" type person anyways and I see them as retarded and useless. But, the only real time it affects me is party's- I just don't know how to act.. I don't know if it is the fact that every party I ever went to- I was fucked up like a train-wreck playing music in a band.. I never interacted at all with people there, I came in, set up, checked sound, bugged my band mates to start- then chain smoked during breaks/got loaded. I was totally getting loaded and enjoying music. I mean really getting off on the effects drugs had with the musical flow from my brain, constantly changing something (damn I love Phil Lesh and Tony Levin).. I spent years like this (13+)..Playing party's not moving staring at the fretboard (Derrick Trucks stole not moving from me damnit )- being a freak, getting tons of compliments which I blew off. Now I program computers, something I can do by myself without any interaction from others..
So I guess the only thing really bothering me- is my drug use left me not knowing how to handle/interact with people. I don't know what to call it, but it's definitely that paranoid type feeling of just being the zit on a supermodels face..
Other than that, life is peachy- I just avoid the general public, shop online, and don't go to any party's I am invited to- unless I am playing at them.
And wanting to hide whenever you see a cop- even though you have done nothing- thats normal- right??
What a long strange trip! I love Life! When I get down- I listen to Bill Hicks!