miketusa

Im in the midst of graduating high school, so lots of celebratory drinking. If I drink and get fairly drunk visuals double the next day. Static thickens, I get slightly depressed, slight anxiety, and just a strange unattached feeling. It usually goes away however by the next day. I just ope there will be a point in time where I can drink worry free again.

I have spent the last few weeks kicking myself over this. I just wish so badly that I could have been more careful. It's not like I did a lot of drugs, I just wish I could go back and never trip on anything. Which of course is retarded. But, I just want a normal perception again, I want to enjoy a brew with my friends and family without risking a decent into maddening hell the next day. . .

During, i'd say. After I felt really calm, a little jumbled, but I figured that's just because the trip was so intense. I actually did more coke that day, and smoked a few bowls. I had absolutely no idea about anything. Crazy stuff. It all seems really retarded now. I've actually recently been feeling better, things visually and mentally are seeming to clear up a little since I've been exercising. Either that or im getting really used to it.

Thanks man! That's awesome. I could tell, a friend and I walked around further and further out from the center of the city, and it got a little seedy. Great city though, amazing city. Lot's of friendly scotts, and lots of great beer. The UK in general is an amazing place. I've been thinking about doing a program at a local Uni that would allow me to do college in Edinburgh. Thanks for the advice, that makes a lot of sense.

Thanks guys! Feeling a lot of support on here. Yeah, I threw away my cigarettes and whisky yesterday. Ive never had an addicting personality, so it wasnt too hard. I plan on skating everyday, and playing video games a lot until symptoms taper off a little. Its not too bad, im just worried it could get worse. - Though, I have to say, I think its true how people say the more you worry, the worse it gets. I took a trip to the UK with my school mates, drank at least 4 pints of beer a day, (have to be 21 in the states) and was enjoying life so much I didn't notice a damn thing. Makes me wish I could have stayed in Edinburgh forever.

Hahaha, you sound like me. Im a strange little bird. Out going sometimes, very quiet some times, and very, very chill. DXM sucks balls. The acid I had was very pure, some college kids I knew who were chemist majors made it. It was like being in an impenetrable zig zaggy psychic cage. The trip wasn't necessarily bad, just very intense. And I agree! The lead up to the bad part of the trip is by far the worst.

No kidding, it's a huge relief! I mean, it doesn't change a whole lot, but if you're in the same boat i'm in, then I guess that means i'm not the only one paddlin!

I'm 19 as well. Strange. I feel for you man, i cut back on the bud, and the beer. Sweet Jesus, the beer But, as most wise men say, this too shall pass. In some form or another. Just keep on keeping on. Get excited about other things. Maybe go for a walk, play a sport, develop other interests. I think a big problem is an inherent dependency or, desire for drugs. Which obviously has a lot of us in the same boat. Just keep your mind off it, I find movies to be a really nice way of zoning out lately. -Cheers man

Really? That is interesting. It wasn't some coke, more like a lot. And some beer. I felt like a king until I realized my heart literally wasn't too into it. But at least we have the formula down. I guess, it could have been worse. Comforting to hear someone else did some of the same things I did.

Wow, I'm at a loss for words. Very similar type symptoms, at a lesser degree, it sounds. Acid was always a mystical venture to say the least. Then I mixed with Cocaine and that was a whole different beast. I ended up willingly accepting death because I thought my heart was going to explode. The Doors were playing in the background (The End, ironcially), and I just gave up. Mad visuals, foggy brain. Then it stopped, my heart felt fine. Nothing after that, just life as usual. Then there was my second DXM experience a year later, that was what really put me over board. Just a dirty drug all around. I remember staring at myself in the mirror for an hour, and seeing past myself, I felt like a mass of waste. Terrible experience, brought on this HPPD stuff. I feel fine, then I don't. So it's a terrible waiting game, for better or for worse. But thanks to all you wonderful people, I have some last hope of defense if it gets really bad. Hmm, the plot thickens . . . Anyway, i'm glad to hear you are doing well with the keppra, seems to me a lot of people respond surprisingly well to it in lower doses! Keep up the good fight all!

You're probably right, ill be going to a psychologist to deal with these issues per the request of my father, who thinks it's a simple depression or something I suppose. My mother died a few years back, so naturally, in his eyes I should be bat shit insane. I haven't told him what it really is, just that I haven't felt quite myself. Im 19, so I guess its really up to me. But, anyways, thanks for a response.

My name is Michael and I have recently diagnosed myself with HPPD. I haven't tripped many times, LSD twice, DXM twice, and I smoked JWH powder several times until it induced a panic attack and depersonalization. I believe it occured after a slightly frightening DXM trip. Very detached, heart beating fast, and I remember seeing blue digital like spots all over my vision. That was about 6 months ago i'd guess. Its really more the visuals than anything else. I didn't pay much notice, though I instantly acknowledged that smoking pot, for what ever reason was no longer the same, intense and trippy, to say the least. Honestly, it didn't affect my day to day until very recently. Quit smoking weed about a week ago, as I assumed it would not be conducive to recovery. But for the six months it was just random isolated pixels of blue in my vision, along with blue coloring on some edges of objects. Again, very subtle. I paid no attention to it, did MDMA once after on New Years. After smoking weed, while while intoxicated. (Peer Pressure) Again, even after that no real disturbance. Since then visual snow has increased slightly, and I get slight headaches, one night while drinking beer I noticed a blue visual trail behind the foot of someone walking, something I had never, ever seen before. Lately I get slightly depressed, but overcome it fairly quickly. I am becoming very worried, very disappointed in myself, that I will not recover, and things will worsen. Lots of unhappy people with HPPD scattered through out various forums on the web. I've sworn off all mind altering substances indefinitely in hopes of recovery. I haven't told my parents, I feel that I should, though I am discouraged at the thought of there utter disappointment. Sorry for the lengthy, whiny intro. I am pleased to see so many optimistic people throughout out this forum, with greater problems than myself. Just saying that I'm a newbie, and I've got some problems now too. *** I would like to clarify that this has been seemingly purely visual, static lately, with the blue spots popping in. I think this could possibly be two different incidents of HPPD converging, both from separate drugs. I do feel "strange" now and again, not quite sure if my reality, is the reality, if you get my drift. Maybe i'm just wierd, I don't know. I guess, all I can do is give it time, and act accordingly. -Sincerely, Michael