aztec99

yea but was the reduction in symptoms actually a reduction in the stuff you were seeing or just the anxiety about what you were seeing?

After getting HPPD 2 months ago, I haven't even so much as drank caffeine once. Don't care to find out. Alcohol triggers migraines for me anyhow. So, when you guys drink, do you actually hallucinate?

Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry bad 2cp trip. I am so unlucky. Everyone here probably did shit tons of drugs. I got mine due to my single and first hallucinogenic experience, Also did shit lots of M1, and some 4MMC for bout a year.. On the 2CP trip was so bad that I came to consciousness standing in the shower. I was shivering from what had apparently been a cold shower. I looked over at the mirror and literally didn't know who I was. I literally had amnesia after blacking out. So...yeah. pretty sure I fucked my brain on that one. Then proceeded to trip for over 24hrs straight. And bout 2-3 sober weeks later I began to see some snow in my vision. did one more night of RCs and then had full blown HPPD.

Yeah not only did I mess up my penis, develop HPPD...but after the last 'incident', I got sick a couple times and out of nowhere these little white dots started to appear on my lips. I looked it up on the net and it's called fordyce's spots. I never had them before. They are supposed to be natural and can just spontaneously appear. no cure nothing. What the fuck. Can anything else go wrong here? I mean really. Anyway, Visual, what is your opinion on taking an SSRI? or a benzo? Dr Abraham said there is no evidence that showed that SSRIs negatively effected HPPD. My friends and doctors tell me to do it. My counselor says to take them because its better than suicide. I can't stand the thought of my HPPD getting worse but at the same time, i'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night.

Cool. I ordered the crayhon gpc, klaire b12, vital nutrients msm, and some high quality fish oil. I'm still debating on the antidepressants. I have a DR appointment next week. I might ask her bout Lexapro. I just worry that it could make my HPPD worse. But on the other hand, I'm really bad off right now.

Will do. I've been through hell so I'm sooo ready to change and be uncomfortable and try different things like being positive. Hey, do you take all three (b12,msm,gpc) on the same day or rotate? I know you said three days but is it all 3 items for 3 days?

I'm pretty much with Windscar. I'm convinced that doctors don't know crap. The human body and especially the human brain are just too complex to do trial and error on. Obviously the degree of severity of HPPD plays into my opinion. I have mild HPPD that I can live with so I'm not going to screw with my brain. But if my HPPD was more intense like Oliver's then I'd say its worth a shot.

Thank you Visual. I've quit all drinking, drugs, everything. I don't even drink caffeine, soda drinks, choclate. And I've been eating organic foods. I'm determined to give my HPPD a chance to fully recover as well as my penis. As for supplements I have been taking L-carnitine, ALA, B12 (not sublingual), CoQ10 etc..... but I'd don't currently take MSM, or GPC. I'd like to try what you have suggested above. I see that they Crayhon stuff is expensive but i've got $$ so I'll try it. What lead you to believe that 3 days on 2 wks off is better than every day? Can you recommend quality name brand MSM and B12? I'm hanging in there for now but these are dark days. Just wish I had my old penis back and could do things right this time.

Hi, thanks for the feedback. Don't have time to post because I've been working a ton of overtime trying to save my job. Will post this weekend.

Hang in there man. It can get better in time. Are you trying to go sober now? I'm not sure that you do but don't feel bad that you had symptoms and kept going. You might ask yourself, what if I had stopped.....the tone of your post suggests that. But hell, mine came on with very little symptoms before hand. You could just as easily have gotten it after one singular incident. Perhaps in time the brain will heal it self. They say it can take 5-10 years to get better. Maybe yours will but it just hasn't had the sober chance yet. I have the exact same symptoms that you listed. well, minus trails plus starbursts. My only warning was blurred or snowy vision in one section of my vision a few weeks after a bad 2c-p trip. Then i did E1, 4FMA, MXE in one night and BAM the next day I've had it full blown. fuckin static is the most annoying. My advice, care about yourself and your body and giving up the alcohol and other substances, will follow. I usually never practice Lent. I haven't been to church in a long time. But this year I'm committing hard core to Lent. I'm going to give up sodas and other bad food, alcohol, smoking, anything bad. If you believe that willpower is unlimited then you'll be surprised at what you can do.

How'd I mess it up? First of all, to everyone on this forum, if all you have is HPPD then feel LUCKY. Because I am the most fucked up person ever. Things can always get worse. Maybe this will make you feel better about your situation. I destroyed my pecker in two different ways. Shit, I'd almost rather not get into it. Dealing with all this fucked up shit at once is too much for anyone. I did a shit load of drugs one night, mixing different RCs and what not. Ectasy, cocaine, ketamine analogues. They shrunk my pecker down to ridiculous level for like 50 hours. Shrunk so much that I couldn't even pee. When it finally unshrank, it was numb. Some feeling came back the next day but two months later i still have severe lack of sensitivity in all areas except circumcized area. The second way is the one that is making me suicidal because its permanent damage I'm pretty sure. So after a lifetime of severe anxiety, worry, nervousness, laziness, sadness and general lack of taking any happiness out of life. I accidentally got hooked on these RC (research chemical) drugs. They are basically ectasy but one molecule off and were sold at gas stations. Sitting around feeling sad and lonely I decided there was nothing better to do than to mix all the devil's toys and before I knew it, I was jerking off on these drugs and watching porn for countless hours (more than one occasion). Eventually a few times, I went too long. I messed up my skin pretty bad and my pee hole became more open. I now basically have small lips on my penis. And when erect it looks nasty like a hole kinda. Not completely split but fucking ugly. Now sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in pain because my erection hits my shorts or whatever. Kinda like having something inserted into the urethra. I have told my best friend everything. But currently he's tired of being my pschologist, the couselors aren't enough, family is too distant to discuss, and work is getting harder than ever. Hell, I have so many issues that I can't even join group therapy. Do they have one for mutalating yourself? Pretty sure I have PTSD from looking down and see my pecker destroyed and realizing that I did it. With this level of fucked up shit, I believe that the only thing that can heal me is the love and grace of God. And I know he wouldn't want me to take my life and I don't want to do that to my family, so I'm hanging in there for now.

Thanks for the input. Yeah I read a lot of good things about Lexapro. I haven't made a decision yet. Gunna talk to my best friend one more time. But I'm leaning toward listening to myself and just staying completely sober and work on being healthy. I think that will be better for me and give me the best chance of possibly beating HPPD. I have a mild version and really didn't do a ton of drugs. So, I'm hoping I'm one of those cases that have a full recovery after a few months (only been 2 so far).

I disagree. I my visual snow (don't have DR/DP type symptoms) is the same all the time whether I focus on it or not. Yes, like anything, if you look at it closer...it looks worse. Just like if I focus on the zit on my face it looks way worse than if I just glance at it. But I will say that since my visual symptoms started after a bad drug night, I have had obsessional thinking and not about HPPD. I have always had high anxiety and even paranoia even before ever doing drugs but the obsessional thinking is new for sure. There may be something there. I think our brain are in a kind of over drive and as such they are just really touchy and sensitive.

Hey HBB, glad to hear about your improvement! Congrats man! Now if we can find something to treat the visual symptoms

Hey, you ever think about getting help from Dr Abraham in Boston? I mean that would be a long way to travel but if you are going to kill yourself it might be worth a shot. I hear he is the Godfather of HPPD. You might give him a shout. drabraham.com. Hell, I'd go up there if my HPPD was worse but its really mild. I'm not sure what he could due since there is no cure. But maybe there is a treatment....meaning lessening of symptoms versus total cure. He'd be the dude to help if anyone can. He also offered to consult with my local doctor. That is the route I'm going. I'm hoping that he can convince my doc to put me on something ... i dunno...different or non standard that might help.

I emailed Dr Abraham and he got back within an hour on a Friday night. Wow! Didn't expect that. FYI, He said there not yet a research link between SSRI and worsening of HPPD symptoms. That doesn't mean I'm safe. Hell, the drug they wanna give me is an SNRI. Completely different class. Not sure if ima do it or not.

Hi, my onset was 2 months ago. Ive done 2cp once and it was a bad trip. Besides that m1 and e1 for about a year off and on. Also messed up my penis that night but that is another story. Anyway, I have a mild version. main symptoms are snow, after images, starbursts, halos. All visual. I've learned to live with it.it is the least of my worries. I'm coming here for advice because my friends and doctor want to put me on an anti depressant. I said hell no at first because I'm trying to be healthy and recover from the hppd. She wants to put me on prestiq an snri. I have the prescription but am definitely having second thoughts. Anyone taken this in combo with their hppd? Im anxious that it will make it worse. No one believes me when I say it could make it worse. They just assume I have crazy levels of anxiety. But I've read anecdotal evidence that suggests ADs can make it worse. On the other hand, I am feeling suicidal and need to try something because my current course isn't looking good. What should I try to get her to prescribe me? PS klonazepam is out of the pic with this doc because she said it won't help with the depression