Gmo

Alisa - speaking as someone who got this in 1981 I think you've got exactly the right idea. When I focused on things beyond myself and obsessing about 'what are these sqiggly things shooting about?' I think I started to heal. The social aspects were undoubtedly the hardest. I was convinced everyone I met thought I was weird and insane and so I guess that's how I came across. But in the end, after feeling sorry for myself for a couple of years I decided to fight and slowly but surely regained my self respect.

Cassandra - I'm a painter and got a BA and MA in fine art. The visuals drove me mad but I found the process of objective drawing especially, to be very rewarding in regards to the symptoms. It's a very philosophical process - to attain what metaphysically is in front of you. Looking back on it things started to get better after 4 or 5 years and the progress went hand in hand with competing with other 'normal' people in the world and achieving ambitions and goals. I've still got VS and floaters but most of the other stuff has calmed down and most of the time I rarely notice it. Lastly, if I look back at my life before the onset of this - it wasn't some utopian paradise. I had my fears, worries and self-doubt. If you look around there are plenty of people who are fit and healthy who squander their lives and seem to need prozac and xanax to get by. One of my mistakes early on was to see my life as 'before' and 'after' and really romanticised the former. I am what I am and HPPD has been a hurdle but also a spur to not let it beat me. I used to have terrible panic attacks and social anxiety out the yang. I am primarily an art teacher these days and lecture to large classes in art history etc....I would have been amazed if I could have seen that 30 years ago. It really, really gets better. And you're lucky to have a forum like this. I only discovered what this was a month or so ago. I was completely amazed that I am not alone. Best of luck.

That really describes me. I haven't had it anyhwere near as long, just around 1 1/2 years........but like you said I used to think people hated me and thought I was acting pretty crazy/eccentric but I've recently started to get over all these paranoid thoughts. I also used to imagine my life before HPPD as some badass constant party, which I went out a lot but it wasn't like that. I still do this to an extent and I've been trying lately to try and stop worrying so much about the past and the way I used to be and try harder on working on who I am now.

I agree lol. What the hell right?? Why would you go to an HPPD website and spam about women's handbags??? Haha

When you say cognitive issues are you referring to just memory issues or is there other stuff as well??

^^^^^^^WTF???

Man that's EXACTLY how I am, it's weird. Today was a horrible day for me.......all I did all day was lay around an hate myself for all my past drug use while yesterday was a pretty good day and I was all optimistic and happy and just knew eventually this is gonna go away. It's just back and forth and back and forth constantly, I hate it.

@ferret.......damn that's way less than I did haha. How bad are your symptoms?? Did you ever do MDMA or anything like that?

You've gotta stop worrying about it. In the beginning of all this all I had was HPPD or DR whatever you wanna call it, and I had read about and heard about DP but never had it. Then prolly around four months after the initial HPPD ordeal I got hit with DP and I've had it ever since. It really is a shame. You just gotta quit worrying about it and laying off drugs would definitely be the best thing to do at this point.

I feel you man.

I shouldn't feel like this........the majority of my old drug buddies still do drugs. Back when I used to, I wasn't even one of the ones using the most. I have friends that have done WAAAAY more acid than I ever did and they're still completely alright(as far as I can tell) I don't know why this shit had to happen to us, I didn't even do that many drugs. This is bullshit, and I'm sick of it.

I had that for a LONG time. That was like one of the first symptoms I got.......but after a while it went away completely and I never get it these days. So since you don't have HPPD that bad and you're almost recovered I think it'll prolly clear up for you and shouldn't take too long.

If you're putting enough time inbetween your trips, it sounds like you are, then I would say you're fine. In the end though it's up to you, you know your brain/body a lot better than we do.........my only advice is to just be aware of how the drugs are affecting you and if things ever seem like they're starting to head south then take yourself a nice long break.

Yea definitely. I need to get back to living life. But I meant to ask how long did it take for DP to go away, not HPPD. That's my bad, I typed the wrong thing. I'm currently not really concerned with my HPPD, it's pretty minimal. Everything's just really vibrant and slightly cartoony......kinda like on the tail end of an LSD trip, but things have quit moving so I'm pretty adjusted to that by now. It's just the DP and the social anxiety that seem to be ruining my life at this point.

how long did you have HPPD before it went away??

Uhhhh not like psyches or anything like that.....I was referring more to going out to parties and drinking......maybe having some gree from time to time. But I'm done with psyches and harder drugs.

No that doesn't sound bad to say. I think the majority of us would still be using drugs if this whole ordeal never happened, at least I know I would. I was just getting into the experimenting phase.

No I don't take meds either. I'm gonna try to just get by on supplements. I'm kinda sacared of meds potentially making it worse or causing other problems

I got HPPD a couple weeks after my last notable LSD trip but didn't get DP until around 5 to 6 months later. I had pretty much stopped my drug use whenever DP hit, it was weird.

yea I've actually lost a decent amount of friends cause I don't do drugs anymore. It really is a shame, I kind of knew we were mostly friends cause of drugs but it's awkward when it's thrown in your face like that. They all still try and kick it, and invite me out and stuff but we're just not on the same vibe anymore. One day though.........I'll get over all this HPPD/DP/DR and the black knight shall ride again.....mark my words. One day........

I too miss my friend molly.........we had some good times before Lucy came along and ruined it all:( lucy can be a cold hearted bitch.

Well it's good to know I'm not the only one. So maybe it has some relation with HPPD.

Does anyone have double vision

http://www.medindia.net/patients/patientinfo/images/Double-Vision1.jpg that's the best picture I could find. Idk if it's a symptom of HPPD or not but it's pretty annoying. I got it like 3 months after my depersonalization hit. I told my eye doctor about it but she said she couldn't detect anything wrong with my eyes. I've always had pretty bad eyesight so I'm not sure if this is a symptom of that or my drug use.

My visuals have decrease SUBSTANTIALLY since this all started. It's gotten to the point now that my visuals aren't my worst symptom. At this point my biggest issue ismy depersonzlization and anxiety. If that would go away I feel like I could get back to living my life. Just have patience and don't mess with any drugs for a while and eventually things will start to clear up.

@Boogres....yea dude my HPPD doesn't really bother me. It's this 24/7 dissociation. It's terrible. I'm not tryin to downplay HPPD or anything, it's just when I got hit with DP, HPPD started to pale in comparison. I feel like if DP went away I would lose a lot of my anxiety and really be able to get started with livin again.

Yea it's terrible shit. Mental issues are terrible 'cause no one knows you're going through them. It's impossible for people empathize with you as it's impossible for them to know there's even anything wrong with you. Most of my friends prolly think I'm an asshole these days cause I never wanna party or smoke or drink with them anymore.

Is your DP 24/7 or do you get it in episodes???