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Spirituality with HPPD/DR


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I wanted to start this as an open topic for hear people's opinions on this subject. I got really involved in Buddhism and whatever else I could get my hands on after I got HPPD. It's helped me a lot. In a way, I feel like I got HPPD to push me in the direction of things that really matter. I can say for a fact if I hadn't gotten it I would probably died a hopeless drug addict.

I've been really into this guy, and after getting into anything and everything I thought might alleviate my suffering (including living at a meditation center with a Buddhist monk and reading volumes on Zen, Buddhism, Advaita Vedanta, and other religions) I found this guy. I only post it here that it might help someone to feel better and see things differently- I'm not being evangelical or anything.

Robert Adams is an American Advaita Vedanta master under Ramana Maharshi. He passed away in the 90s but you can find all of his recorded talks here:


I hope it brings someone some peace. Please share your experiences!

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i also like budhism but i couldnt live this way. i cant meditate because iam so grounded. but i love the theory to make you free of everything to reach your nirvana i allways tried to live this way but not on a spiritually way.

post HPPD i am also very interested in the old european mythologie before the christianization.

i like the culture of the kelts and the germanic peoples.

but i would call me a atheist since iam a child. so the most spiritually things doesnt fit into my way of life. i know meditation has a big impact on your mind but as i mentioned i cant do it^^

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When I first experienced HPPD symptoms (DP, DR) I was reading and listening to Alan Watts, who was really good at describing the Tao and Buddhism and Advaita. These developed into obsessive philosophical thoughts, and for a while I thought that I was stuck in an endless cycle of death and rebirth. I thought that consciousness was like some sort of curse, and that consciousness is actually immortality. I figured that since only death can precede life, life must precede death, and so we are reincarnated. Well, if I hate consciousness so much, and I kill myself, this consciousness will just be transferred into another form, and I'm not fixing anything, and there's nothing to fix anyway. I was not suicidal, I was just extremely into these sort of thoughts. These metaphysical ultimate sort of questions haunted me for a while, and still sort of do. Sometimes they would manifest into actual feelings. My panic attacks feel like I'm forever trapped inside of a goddamned endless and unfeeling universe. I know that all I have to do is breathe, and enjoy the flowers and the birds and music, where none of those thoughts even exist, only the joy of whatever I am putting my attention to.

My "cosmic consciousness" mushroom experience taught me that no amount of thinking of thoughts can lead to enlightenment, or satori, or nirvana. Thought leading to this thought leading to this thought will never lead to cosmic consciousness. It is the divine within you all the time except unnoticed. Or something like that.

HPPD absolutely is a learning experience. I do not think it is just that you ate some mushrooms and now you have all this shit to take care of. I think it is in itself a sort of spiritual crisis, a reprogramming of your sense of self in order to lead a more productive life. I could be wrong, but this is what my intuition is telling me, and I certainly am working to be better than ever before.

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Hey, I can appreciate all of that, SinisterB. I definitely agree with you on a lot of those points.

I know what you mean about the panic attacks too. Lately I've been getting into the idea of "surrendering" to the flow of life... God.... Amida Buddha.... whatever you want to call it.... and trusting in that benevolent force to guide me and care for me. It has lead me to a relatively quiet (in an unforced way) and peaceful mind, even in the midst of DP/DR (which has decreased since "learning" this).

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