10 Year Anniversary

[brake]

Hi All,

In April 2013 I developed HPPD, visual snow, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, social anxiety, low self-esteem, some cognitive deficits, intrusive thoughts, decreased depth perception and some problems with speaking after taking what was sold to me as LSD but might have been some other designer drug (I didn't test it). I know many other people that took the same drug and batch but they didn't develop any of these symptoms. I immediately decided to abstain from drugs and live a healthy lifestyle. The first 2 years were the worst. I didn't go to a therapist or psychiatrist until after 8 years because I figured I would have it for life instead of those people that only have it for 1 to 5 years. It seems like in tiny increments I made some improvements over the years but to this day I still have many visual snow and HPPD symptoms. I still can't drink coffee or smoke marijuana to this day (increases anxiety and visual symptoms for me).

I was cleared by a neurologist, ophthalmologist, primary care provider, and MRI. My blood tests and MRI results look good and I can pass a drug test. The eye doctor thinks visual snow is a good diagnosis and that I was the second patient in a month to also have it. I would literally feel as if I'm about to full blown start tripping out while being completely sober for years and it would be very stressful and give me a lot of anxiety. I started going to therapy a year ago. The therapist recommended putting me on medication and I agreed. I am currently on buspirone and depakote. The combination of therapy and medication has been helpful. I don't feel like I'm tripping anymore. A lot of my depth perception and subjective good feelings returned. My panic attacks and intrusive thoughts went away many years ago and my speech improved as well. Social anxiety decreased. I tried gabapentin before depakote but it gave me many side effects so I stopped that and took depakote instead. Maybe buspirone and depakote would be a good combo for other people as well. I seem to tolerate it well. I admitted it to all of my family and friends since I'm probably going to have it for life. It sucks that there are no specific medications for visual snow and HPPD. I do feel that these disorders have greatly limited my potential and life although I was still able to enjoy and do many things in the past 10 years. Prior to onset I never had any disorders and never been to a psychiatrist or therapist before. My eyesight was above average. I also tried moving around to different climates to see if they would heal me in anyway. I personally do enjoy warm and sunny places but they did not make a big difference in my visual snow and HPPD symptoms. Really cold and dark climates did actually increase my visual snow and HPPD symptoms and also made me more depressed.

According to my doctor I seem to be more stabilized and doing better. I feel more stabilized and better as well although this still sucks. I would recommend doing therapy to anyone even if you are against taking medications. I'll continue on this journey and see where it leads me. I'm open to doing more research and hopefully finding some sort of cure or better treatment one day. It has not been easy but the idea of finding a cure, specific treatment or naturally getting better one day is one of my top goals in life and something I look forward to.

Wish you all the best of luck and hopefully all of your symptoms will improve...

[brake]

I also did yoga consistently for like 5 years because I heard it permanently increases GABA in your brain but that only calmed me down temporarily. What's interesting is that my IQ is still around the 120 range even though sometimes it seems like I became retarded or something. I have never been to a psychiatric ward yet. Xanax seems to help around 70 to 90% sometimes but I never took it often because of the fear of addiction and reduced memory. It also temporarily decreases my visuals as well! I also never tried hardcore drugs such as heroin, crack, meth, PCP or speed. The only hallucinogenic that I tried was LSD. I tried many different types of natural supplements and that did not cure me. Breathing exercises, walking, sprinting, jogging, calisthenics, weight lifting, good times with friends, massages, watching movies, listening to music, therapy, calming things and sex helps (dating has become much more difficult with these disorders for me). I have a lot more fear and paranoia than before HPPD and visual snow.

I wonder if anyone else is on buspirone and/or depakote?

Edited April 23, 2023 by brake

[brake]

I also had depersonalization, derealization and tinnitus but that decreased between 50 to 90% over the years. I found CBD to be one of the more helpful supplements.