Questioning my disease

[jacie__]

Hello guys, 

im Jacub and im literally feeling like I'm losing my mind. My symptoms of what I think is HPPD got worse after a long alcohol night. I basically feel like I'm peaking on a low dose of acid when it comes to the visuals and it got worse. 

DP/DR hits me hard, everything looks more "acidish" than real and I'm not sure if my brain is developing psychosis or just hard HPPD. 

Faces also look more symmetric, like on acid and I dont feel like myself if you know what I mean. 

Colors are much brighter, got that bad visual snow, "tunnel vision", mikropsia and makropsia, these trails when something moves but not actually hard. Also sometimes I do see halos around things and it fucks me up bad. Im isolating myself since then, goin to therapy but I feel like I'm goin crazy, like all this is just a bad nightmare. My thoughts are sometimes also weird and not "mine". 

I don't know if I sometimes just tell myself and make it bad myself, but sometimes I feel like I'm tripping somehow or I've just forgotten what normality is 

Guys, can someone help me please? Im also doin vitamins, trying to sleep and chill a lot. 

Thank u for helping and sorry for kinda fucked english

 

Edited August 5, 2021 by jacie__

[cosmiccharlie]

1 hour ago, jacie__ said:

Hello guys, 

im Jacub and im literally feeling like I'm losing my mind. My symptoms of what I think is HPPD got worse after a long alcohol night. I basically feel like I'm peaking on a low dose of acid when it comes to the visuals and it got worse. 

DP/DR hits me hard, everything looks more "acidish" than real and I'm not sure if my brain is developing psychosis or just hard HPPD. 

Faces also look more symmetric, like on acid and I dont feel like myself if you know what I mean. 

Colors are much brighter, got that bad visual snow, "tunnel vision", mikropsia and makropsia, these trails when something moves but not actually hard. Also sometimes I do see halos around things and it fucks me up bad. Im isolating myself since then, goin to therapy but I feel like I'm goin crazy, like all this is just a bad nightmare. My thoughts are sometimes also weird and not "mine". 

I don't know if I sometimes just tell myself and make it bad myself, but sometimes I feel like I'm tripping somehow or I've just forgotten what normality is 

Guys, can someone help me please? Im also doin vitamins, trying to sleep and chill a lot. 

Thank u for helping and sorry for kinda fucked english

 

I understand your frustration and I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are for you. 

I have a few basic questions:

• How old are you?
• How often and how much did you dose?
• When was your last trip?
• Do you smoke weed?

These factors will affect your recovery time as well as your chances of making a full recovery.   The weed can keep you in the same headspace for extended periods and also bring it back. Try not to focus on the condition, it will get better you just need to let your mind heal.  I like to use the analogy of letting your body get over a cold or another ailment: do you obsess over your recovery, your cough, the way you feel?  No, you just do what you can to get better and let your body do the work.  You will heal it just takes time and the right conditions.  

I tell everyone to try a simple regiment: 

• Stop all drugs (especially weed, even alcohol for a bit if you can) 
• Get as much sleep as you can 
• Exercise regularly even if it makes your symptoms worse
• Eat well 
• Stay busy with work/ school/ hobby etc
• Try not to worry 
• Learn to meditate if you can (this was really helpful for me) 
• If you're open to it, start praying to God (it doesn't have to be any particular religion just ask for help on your knees everyday you don't even have to believe in anything.  For me, eventually I was willing to try anything.  I really believe strength to carry on will come if we reach out)

 

Think about how good it's going to feel when you recover, I cannot tell you how much you appreciate the simple things in life. 

Hang in there!

Nick 

[jacie__]

50 minutes ago, cosmiccharlie said:

I understand your frustration and I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are for you. 

I have a few basic questions:

• How old are you?
• How often and how much did you dose?
• When was your last trip?
• Do you smoke weed?

These factors will affect your recovery time as well as your chances of making a full recovery.   The weed can keep you in the same headspace for extended periods and also bring it back. Try not to focus on the condition, it will get better you just need to let your mind heal.  I like to use the analogy of letting your body get over a cold or another ailment: do you obsess over your recovery, your cough, the way you feel?  No, you just do what you can to get better and let your body do the work.  You will heal it just takes time and the right conditions.  

I tell everyone to try a simple regiment: 

• Stop all drugs (especially weed, even alcohol for a bit if you can) 
• Get as much sleep as you can 
• Exercise regularly even if it makes your symptoms worse
• Eat well 
• Stay busy with work/ school/ hobby etc
• Try not to worry 
• Learn to meditate if you can (this was really helpful for me) 
• If you're open to it, start praying to God (it doesn't have to be any particular religion just ask for help on your knees everyday you don't even have to believe in anything.  For me, eventually I was willing to try anything.  I really believe strength to carry on will come if we reach out)

 

Think about how good it's going to feel when you recover, I cannot tell you how much you appreciate the simple things in life. 

Hang in there!

Nick 

Im currently 17 years old, did acid once 200ug, the trip was almost 2 months ago and im not doin any other drugs. Im really frustrated, done, and suicidal i'd say. I feel so weird too.. 

[cosmiccharlie]

11 hours ago, jacie__ said:

Im currently 17 years old, did acid once 200ug, the trip was almost 2 months ago and im not doin any other drugs. Im really frustrated, done, and suicidal i'd say. I feel so weird too.. 

I can relate to the suicidal ideas myself, thankfully I have gotten through those rough times.  Please DM me if you'd like to talk in a less public setting.  You're young and have only done acid once which will work in your favor.  Also, I know that it might not seem like it but 2 months isn't very long for a recovery.  For me 6 months seemed to bring about real change.  It's subtle, but overtime you'll see improvement.  Try not to worry and believe that you will get better. 

Hang in there