Jump to content

Thank the gods I found out what is wrong with me!!!!


Aphasia

Recommended Posts

I have always suffered from mental illness and to be frank an extremely inquisitive mind. I had an ingrained obsession from early childhood of looking directly at or focusing on what I could not bear to look at or understand. I cannot begin to articulate the inner world I deal with regularly since I was a child and how it grew and was twisted by trauma, mental health, and eventually drugs. I am so chemically sensitive to outside chems and my own brain chems, that I think this was inevitable and  I don't even regret it, I just am so so happy to understand what has been happening to me ever since my first trip at 17. Its been getting worse, but I always thought it had to do with my BPD. I would have never been able to understand how broken I was if this hadn't happened to me. I can't even begin to say how happy I am I finally faced my fear and googled this! I may have ditched my entire family and gone and lived in the woods for 3 days. It gave me time away from people and stress and a lot of time to think. The more I got away from people the less I hallucinated. Then I would have a PTSD trigger and it would come back. Or I would decide to take one hit of my bowl (it sucks because it still gives me the calming sensation.) and it would come back. Last week I was in-patient on the psych ward and I took Benzos for the first time and felt relief for the first time in years. The BFEP was the biggest indicator because I have had that one since after my fist trip. I know I am not making a lot of sense right now, but I am ecstatic and terrified! I am so grateful I clicked on this damn link and calmly breathed through reading the lines of text that are sliding sideways on the screen! Its going to be okay!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.