Constant Deja Vecu / Vu

[eshade9]

I’ve had multiple clairvoyant experiences that were induced by marijuana. The first one happened after my first spiritual awakening / ego death. I thought I died, but as I got up and walked around, tons of information started flooding into my mind and I guess I came to the realization/conclusion that I was (of) God, it’s only the present, everything is much more connected than we realize, and that I as (first name, last name) really don’t exist as a definite THING.

So here’s where my problem lies:

Normal existing as a person is like sitting in the drivers seat of a car. The driver (the observing presence which you are) controls the car (your body). What I experienced was being a passenger in the car, observing what I, as the driver, was doing. Basically, I had to experience over a year of my life as the passenger with all sensory experiences and the ability to hear my own thoughts. Eventually this experience came to an end, and I woke up back in my body at the time and place where the experience began, this time as the driver again. I created memories while being the passenger, seeing what I would eventually experience as the driver. So now that I’m the driver, I constantly have things that are like deja vus but they’re different because I can remember “experiencing” them multiple times in the past during these clairvoyant experiences. No matter what I “choose” to do with my “free will”, recognition that this event is one of the millions of things that I experienced during the clairvoyant experience.

This is driving me crazy because I can’t do anything to stop it or calm it down. I feel like a robot with scripted actions and that everything is predetermined. This lack of perceived control is causing anger and anxiety with no where to put it. I can’t enjoy anything in life anymore because it feels like the 3rd, 4th, or 5th time I’ve had to experience it. Which leads me to my next point: I’m paranoid that my consciousness is stuck in a casual loop throughout the past couple of years and won’t ever be able to get out and “progress” forward in time where I can live normally again.

What the hell can I do? I need some sort of coping mechanism.

Also, I don’t smoke anymore. It’s been over a year since I have. I'm currently taking 100mg of Zoloft a day and increasing 25mg a week to deal with what my psychiatrist and therapist have diagnosed as OCD. I know it's more than that though because I can remember my agony and thoughts during the drug trips. I'm sure I have PTSD too because I've been emotionally flat for over 2 years. 

Any help / advice?

Edited November 11, 2019 by eshade9

[Kalo]

Sounds like you may be suffering from Depersonalization/derealization. Feeling detached from your thoughts and actions, almost like you are following “robotic commands”. I was feeling the same way as you were recently but it ended up just vanishing. However, it seems that many other people experience this feeling within HPPD for random ongoing intervals sometimes even lasting years. My best advice would be to try experimenting with other medicines known to alleviate HPPD symptoms with your doctor, and see if certain prescriptions can suppress these feelings. If you don’t want to go down the prescription road, then you could try meditation (which really grounded me into reality personally) and exercising along with a healthy diet which also helped suppress anxiety and DP/DR (again, for me at least).

Edited November 11, 2019 by Kalo

[josht9210]

I'm sorry that you've been brainwashed by the psychadelic community into believing that garbage. There is hope though. Abstain from recreational drugs until further notice, including coffee/alcohol. Once your stress/anxiety go down the dpdr also decreases. Good luck, decondition yourself from that spiritual garbage. 

[eshade9]

22 minutes ago, josht9210 said:

I'm sorry that you've been brainwashed by the psychadelic community into believing that garbage. There is hope though. Abstain from recreational drugs until further notice, including coffee/alcohol. Once your stress/anxiety go down the dpdr also decreases. Good luck, decondition yourself from that spiritual garbage. 

@josht9210 Regardless if it was a spiritual awakening or ego death, something occurred that caused me to experience the sensations I would eventually experience in a later point in time as a sort of passenger / observer. What can I do to stop this retrieval of memory / recognizing the present moment as the sensations I had during the drug trips? FYI I would rather take the plunge into the waters that wait for us after death than to have to deal with this 24/7 recognition for the rest of my life.

Edited November 12, 2019 by eshade9

[josht9210]

3 minutes ago, eshade9 said:

@josht9210 Regardless if it was a spiritual awakening or ego death, something occurred that caused me to experience the sensations I would eventually experience in a later point in time as a sort of passenger / observer. What can I do to stop this retrieval of memory / recognizing the present moment as the sensations I had during the drug trips? FYI I would rather take the plunge into the waters that wait for us after death than to have to deal with this 24/7 recognition for the rest of my life.

The ego death and spiritual awakening is a big part of this, its the philosophy that got you here. Its a farse. You can now see that these things other people make claims to are actually just drug induced brain damage.

All i can say is it takes time, no drugs, lots of therapy, jump on some sedative meds to help you cope for a bit. You have to kind of accept it and live with it, the more you fear it the more you feel it. Why? Because when you fear something you signal your amygdala to look for that threat, and since its there 24/7 and your amygdala will sense it 24/7 it wont leave until you decondition it as a threat.

[yosoydiego]

My simple advise: read about Deja Vú.

Science has some understanding on how they happen now. Perhaps once you understand the mechanism you'll feel more at ease with it.

Imagine that your knee was failing you, and you were limping. You WON'T assign that to God dragging your leg or anything like that, right? Well, with this Deja Vu is the same, just that way more complex because it's inside of our mind, but once you interpret it as just a recurrent simple fail of your memory, and take it as knee pain, I think you'll make some progress