I need help

[FeelEmpty]

Hello everyone.

So I tried Lsd with my two friends for a first time like 3 weeks ago. At first everything was going alright, we were laughing a lot and had much fun watching all the visuals we had. Then I decided to drink some beer (which I don't drink at all) and it tasted like lemonade so I drank like one liter of it like in 15 minutes. After that we went to smoke some weed (I was heavy smoker, so I didn't even think that bad stuff can happen). After we smoked a joint, I got crazy and started to think things like that life is a simulation and that we are all being controlled by someone. I started acting weird and I felt like I was being controlled by someone at that moment and felt like I was out of my body. Like 10 minutes passed and I came back and my friends were looking strange at me like I was crazy and this idea that I went crazy got me very anxious and I couldn't get rid of it. I couldn't stop thinking about this crazy stuff that I somehow damaged my brain and my whole trip was turned to a bad one. After like 10 hours I was feeling even more depressed and couldn't even go to sleep till the morning. After I woke up I was feeling the same way and this even got me more anxious. I could not get rid of all the bad thoughts and I felt chest pain. Few days passed, I smoked weed and had a panic attack (which I even thought was heart attack). I went to hospital to check my blood and doctor told me that my potassium level has decreased. I was relieved that this was not something more (like brain damage or something). I started to eat healthy, stopped smoking weed for a few days. 4 days passed and I decided to smoke some weed again since I was getting better. After that joint I started to feel very paranoid, felt chest pain again and was getting thoughts that this is some kind of schizophrenia, I was like in mini Lsd trip. So I completely stopped smoking weed (which I was smoking daily like 5-10 grams a day) and few days ago I was looking into some flowers and I saw it shaking. My heart started beating again, anxiety got me again. I was trying to calm my self down and it worked for that day. The next day I woke up and felt like high on Lsd without smoking weed. Now 3 days passed and I still feel the same feeling and I think that it is getting worse. I started to see some kind of lsd trails everywhere I go and I am wondering if this is HPPD?I sometimes see a wall breathe or move and also I see some kind of flashing lights ( I don't even know how to explain, it is like I would watch at the sun for a minute and then turn my head from it and see the sun image on the wall or everywhere I look) and this thing won't stop. I checked my brain with magnetic resonance imaging today and doctor told me that everything is okay with my brain so I am getting paranoid that this hppd thing is starting to kick in. I now feel like my life is pretty much over or ruined, because I read that you can't cure this thing. My mood is changing very fast and I feel somehow empty in this world right now. I need help and I don't know what to do, I feel sad. I am 22 year old male. Thinking about hppd even get these symptoms worse, but I don't know how to not think about it since it disturbed my life so hard.. I am getting really crazy about this and I am worrying that one day if this won't stop I will do something bad to myself..

Sorry if I made some mistakes, English is not my native language. Does anyone have advice what should I do and how should I control my mind so I could worry less about this stuff. I would also like to know if this is hppd or something else if someone could tell me.. Since I am writing this and thinking about hppd it started to feel like it is kicking very hard right now, I feel very worried shit..

Edited August 14, 2019 by FeelEmpty

[AlphaBeta]

Hi & welcome!

I also got mild HPPD from Cannabis & LSD use. First the most important thing, you should stay stober if you'd like to cure. Cannabis & LSD are worsening and prolonging the effects in nearly all cases. Cannabis won't calm you down, it's not like in the past anymore! It'll just make you more psychotic. Anyhow, Cannabis and LSD cannot physically damage your brain, but they can muddle your neurotransmitter balance which results in the symptoms that you're expieriencing currently. As long as you don't hear voices or feel that others read your mind or something, don't worry so much about Schizophrenia. Are there Schizophrenia cases in your family?

Everything can seem very hopeless in moments of anxiety and heavy mood swings, I know this very well. But few days after stopping drugs, it's way too early to think your life is ruined. Few days or weeks of emotional instability after having a bad trip is not so uncommon, especially if you take such high doses of Cannabis. Cannabis prolongs and amplifies the effects of a psychedelic afterglow. If you stay sober, the chances that especially your emotional situation will get much better very soon are extremely good (few days / weeks). Regarding your visuals, they'll may subside fastly as well or they'll may stay longer or even get worse, but I'd heavily advice you to don't try to improve the situation with psychedelics or Cannabis, it won't work.

For me, it sounds like you just have a mild HPPD / bad trip afterglow which usually fades away after some time if you abstain. If this will develop into a severe HPPD or other psychiatric diseases highly depends on how much you take care of yourself in the next time. So my advices would be: Try to calm down, don't think so much about your symptoms, believe that you'll be fine, STAY SOBER, live healthy, avoid stress and take care of your sleep (go to bed at the same time every day, sleep 8+ hours if possible), then your chances are good that you'll fully recover.

If you can't calm down, a benzodiazepine could may help you with that. If you can't get a prescription, you'll usually get one or two pills of Diazepam or Lorazepam in most emergency departments or psychiatric ambulances. If you get a prescription, Clonazepam seems to be the best one against HPPD. But be careful, benzos can lead to dependence very fast and continued use won't bring your old life back, in fact the opposite is the case. Anyhow, they can help you to initially calm down once, so that you're able to reflect your situation without anxiety and refuel mental strength to get through the next days. Also, meditation and any form of distraction from your symptoms can help you a lot to calm down, get rid of panic attacks and improve your emotional stability.

Good luck!

Edited August 14, 2019 by AlphaBeta

[FeelEmpty]

I don't know how, but few hours ago I managed to get rid of the anxiety and bad feelings about this thing. Maybe I understood that it can always be worse.Now I feel that I am actually enjoying this trip and these effects, since they aren't gone. I don't feel hopeless anymore, opposite - I am happy. This may be some kind of mood swing, but I think that I developed some kind of new mindset that helped me to deal with this problem and it will in a future till it is gone.. I even want to smoke weed now  But I won't do that till I am fully recovered. Big thanks for your answer!

[AlphaBeta]

13 minutes ago, FeelEmpty said:

This may be some kind of mood swing

And it's probably not the last one When it gets bad again, always be aware that it's just an episode and there are better times again. It's a good time to learn not being too much a slave of your emotions. No state of mind is final. A good lesson also for the rest of your life!

Edited August 14, 2019 by AlphaBeta

[FeelEmpty]

You might be right. Thanks for advice:) In my opinion there is nothing to worry about, at least when I can see and I am not blind.

[AlphaBeta]

23 minutes ago, FeelEmpty said:

I even want to smoke weed now  But I won't do that till I am fully recovered.

Maybe also a word to this one... Even if you get better fast, give your brain enough time. I'd recommend at least some drug-free months after everything is completely OK again. Otherwise you put yourself at risk of expieriencing a rebound that is even worser than your initial issue and that may won't fade away fast. Many of the people that got severe, persisting HPPD ignored warning signals.

Edited August 14, 2019 by AlphaBeta

[FeelEmpty]

You are 100% right man. I won't do that until its gone. I still feel these mood changes and when it gets dark I see a lot of these flashing light trails, so I turn on the light and I barely see them. This shit is pretty scary. What about you? Do you also have hppd?

Edited August 16, 2019 by FeelEmpty

[AlphaBeta]

22 hours ago, FeelEmpty said:

Do you also have hppd?

Yes, I have mild HPPD for 3-4 months now. If you'd like to know everything you could take a look into my introduction

[FeelEmpty]

23 minutes ago, AlphaBeta said:

Yes, I have mild HPPD for 3-4 months now. If you'd like to know everything you could take a look into my introduction

That sucks  I am going to read it right now. I wouldn't wish this illness for my biggest enemy. I feel like it is getting worse a bit and this is probably because I think about it too much, but sometimes I just can't stop thinking about it, it disturbs me..Do you think I should quit smoking too? I personally think that this is some kind of psychological illness, because as more as you think about it as worse it can get.I wish that someone could clear my memory, so I would forget about it and it would probably go away easier. I am also scared to use any medicament, because I don't want to get used to that. I have also noticed that it gets worse in the night and when the sun is shining. I hope we can get rid of it man. This idea that it can stay till I die drives me crazy some times.. 

[AlphaBeta]

14 minutes ago, FeelEmpty said:

I wouldn't wish this illness for my biggest enemy

Haha, I did think that so often, too

15 minutes ago, FeelEmpty said:

Do you think I should quit smoking too?

You mean tobacco? I think that would make sense (though it would also when you wouldn't have HPPD ), but be careful. If you're dependent, the withdrawel symptoms could make you more nervous. If I were you, I'd do it slowly. Getting completely drug-free is your best bet, this is what everyone in this forum will tell you. Btw, caffeine is making symptoms worse, usually.

25 minutes ago, FeelEmpty said:

I personally think that this is some kind of psychological illness

Yes it is. Your highest priority should be to be strong and don't fall into anxiety. Anxiety is worsening everything and the more often you're afraid and you give in falling into negative thought circles, the more likely it is that you develop a comorbid anxiety disease. Try to live healthy and to not think so much about your symptoms. I know this is hard. I've gone through the same and I still fight against it. But time helped, it has become easier to ignore it.

31 minutes ago, FeelEmpty said:

This idea that it can stay till I die drives me crazy some times.. 

Mee, too. But this is very unlikely. I believe in most cases it fades out or at least gets much better within 12 months if people take care of themselves.

[FeelEmpty]

Is it possible to have sleeping problems from this illness? I mean I sleep like for 10 hours a day and still want to sleep few hours after I am awake

[AlphaBeta]

9 hours ago, FeelEmpty said:

Is it possible to have sleeping problems from this illness? I mean I sleep like for 10 hours a day and still want to sleep few hours after I am awake

Yes. Be happy that you're able to sleep! If I were you I'd stay with 10h. IMO sleep helps to cure. What helps to stabilize sleep regulation is to going to bed and getting up every day the same time.

[sami]

On 8/23/2019 at 5:09 PM, FeelEmpty said:

Is it possible to have sleeping problems from this illness? I mean I sleep like for 10 hours a day and still want to sleep few hours after I am awake

Sleep is good. 

[cosmiccharlie]

Welcome, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through.  A few comments:

First, life WILL get better I promise if you give it some time and stay away from drugs. 

I too deal with anxiety that is a separate issue from my HPPD however the two intermingle quite dramatically.  Meaning one can cause the other and vice versa.  Anxiety can be absolutely debilitating and when you have something literally staring at you through your vision it is fucking scary.  That being said you can learn to deal with it and eventually the effects will begin to fade.  

For me what worked is staying busy.  I threw myself in my school work, went to the gym almost everyday, meditated, ate well and tried to sleep as much as could.  To me this just made sense since my body and mind needed to heal. 

Staying away from drugs is key. I guarantee they will make it worse. 

One thing that came to mind when I read your post was the amount of weed that you said you were smoking.  That alone can cause anxiety.  I've had periods where I smoked that much and I was always on edge, perhaps the acid just pushed you over past your breaking point.

Anyway, try not to be hard on yourself, what's done is done and you can take what you learned and move on and grow.

Take care and please keep reaching out.

You are not alone in this!