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my best ateempt to describe my symptoms

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Hello, I have been suffering with what i thought were flash backs for a little under a year now. I have made some very foolish descisions and have done alot of things i wasn't ready for. I believe my HPPD was caused byeither mushrooms, mdma, dxm, nn-dmt, or lsd. I started to notice the effects after my first mushroom trip(they could have been injected with lsd because the person i got them from was very shady.) I'd notice strange patterns forming and I would notice floaters alot. I used to get very paranoid because i thought that i would never be able to live a normal life, or that i might become schzophrenic. One of the worst descisions i have ever made was to do DMT. It has made me have terrible memory, and has made my HPPD 10x's worse. Well I am going to attempt to describe my symptoms.

1.) The most noticeable symptom I have is finding paterns forming on carpets, walls, or anything else for that matter. I find it extremely hard to read sometimes because the page seems to separate in between words and move around.

2.) Another symptom I have is floaters, and I see shimmering dots on things(snow globe vision)

3.) Something else I have noticed is that trees, plants, and scenery seem to have very vivid colors, seem to look "magical", and sometimes i feel like the branches are reaching out to me.

There are a lot more symptoms i have, but for the life of me I cant remember what they are. Anyways, I hope to recover to the fullest I can, and put all this beside me 1 day. If you have any advice please feel free to tell me thanks!

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Hello and welcome!

The first and most important advice is to stop using any hallucinogens and stronger stimulants (amphetamines etc.), since they can make the symptoms temporarily or permanently worse.

To accept that you have HPPD is hard but it is a must. I mean you have to be able to accept a life with it. Personally I´ve had HPPD for nearly 5 years without improvement, but some people have gotten better, usually within a 5 year period. Keep the hope up!

Some HPPD:ers experience partial alleviation of the symptoms from clonazepam, levetiracetam and other GABA-agonists. I have not tried either, but I think you should stay away from clonazepam atleast, since it is a very addictive benzodiazepine. Trading one drug problem for another isn´t the answer, I believe.

I can relate to the fear of becoming psychotic, since I´ve lived with that fear for a long time. But after so much fear, I have not had a single psychotic episode, or anything close to it. I guess that tells how realistic that fear is!

Eat well, sleep well, exercise, talk and hang out with friend/ girlfriends/ relatives, and stay on a good course in life. HPPD isn´t the end of ones life, but it is a turning point. It shows how vunerable a human can be, personally I´ve realized what´s worth living for, and how important it is to not throw the life away on drugs and other reckless behaviour (which I did and regret deeply).

Hope my reply helps!

Take care!

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  • 8 months later...

Hey bro. I've been through the ringer with HPPD, three years of it, fucked up to the point I was sure my brain was damaged beyond repair, not simply impaired. Good news, a medicine cured it. Almost all of it. So, keep up hope. Don't live only coasting to eventually find a cure, but still, when things are darkest, know that has happened to a few of us, and if it happened to me, as certain that it would not, it can happen to anyone, so hang in there.

As to the first one, not certain as why you notice the patterns. As for the reading, it is impaired likely due to visual distortions coupled with difficulty concentrating and comprehending. It is a fucked up combo. I had it to where I thought I would have to drop out of school because I simply couldn't read shit. I could work hard to try to comprehend it afterwards, which was hard as shit as well. So, if it makes you feel better, it is, I would guess, more a symptom of visual impairment rather than being all cognitive. Again, I had this shit to the point of suicide, and years of it, and knew it could not get better, and I simply stumbled upon the right medicine. Hang in there.

To the second one, I don't have any real knowledge on the physiology of hppd. My vision has cleared up very little since Keppra (nearly-almost) cured me.

for the third one, i felt i noticed that as well. i can vividly remember how much a certain place looked like it was like a back-lit sort of miniature, the colors bizarre. Afraid I'm not much help here either, except to say you may find solace in enjoying the things that can be enjoyed, and if something can look magical, see it as magical. Technically, this would likely be called derealization.

Good luck man. We here for you. I am going to be posting a survival guide to hppd in a week or so, shit that i compiled during my stint with it. If you have any questions or want to talk to me directly, my email is Locrian4@gmail.com. Good luck bro.

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Good posts above me here. All I can add is many of us, including myself know those symptoms all to well. Just hang on and attempt to control your response to them. In time, as you learn to not become upset about them you will move on. Long, tough road, but it is OUR road so hang in there. There are a few meds you can try but if at all possible try to avoid Benzo's. They're short term solution only and can make things much more complicated down the road.

I think most important, besides stopping all the drugs is to set a goal. Even goals that seem unachievable, go after them. It'll help create some motivation and reason in your life- and you may just make it. Many people here have managed to do great things even with HPPD, so can you.

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