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Planning you life.


ramblingon
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EDIT: Spelling error in title; your*

HPPD, to me, is fairly unpredictable. I experience boughts of DP/DR every single day, during which I can't think. I've never felt more stupid than during those times. I fear being around people during those times, because of how out of it I must seem. Cognitively I'm just not there. I can't hold a conversation. I can't concentrate on anything, or think quickly if at all. I'm just there, kind of dazing or tripping out. I have no idea what triggers these things. Possibly anxiety, but to me it just seems random and unpredictable. Everyday. I really cherish my moments of clarity, however brief. I find myself going out less because I don't know how i'll be an hour from now.

I start school soon and I feel like HPPD is getting worse yet again. It's been over a year for me, and I still feel so...for lack of a better word, stupid. All the time. I just can't think and concentrate. I've done okay for periods of time but it always comes back harder.

How do you plan you life around something so unpredictable? Am I just setting myself up for failure thinking this way? In my head, I don't think so. There is something wrong with my brain chemically that I can't control. Is that true? Can this be mastered, and can I live a full life? I don't feel like myself. I think I lost that person a long time ago. I don't feel the love I used to have for family and friends, and I wish I did more than anything. I wish I could wake up, see a familiar face and instantly know how much that person means to me. Seems like I remember big things, but not details now. Such as...."This guy. He's been one of my best buds since high school. Cool." But I don't feel connected anymore.

Sorry for the rant, think HPPD and DP/DR are hitting me hard today and I'm felling down about it. I was doing pretty well for a while and might have got too optimistic.

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Well, there is a lot to say. It is important to reduce anxiety. Also, see if you can notice patterns of what parts of your think are affected and those that are NOT affected. Just try to view yourself as a dispassionate 3rd person observer and collect information.

Have you tried any medications? And if so, what effects did these have on you.

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Hmm, well. I've tried keppra. It seemed to help at first. I liked it for a while, then the side effects started to bother me too much and I stopped. Side effects were extreme, extreme, fatigue (I was on it for 3 to 4 months, never improved, though my doc was increasing the dosage the whole time) and low libido.

Then I've gone the supplement route. I currently take NAC, L-tyrosine, and Valarian root on occasion. L-tyrosine seems to help, NAC I'm not sure, but certainly nothing negative from it. Valarian root in nice, calming and helps in the anxiety department a bit, i'd say. I started taking this all at different times so I could note the effects/changes with each one. That's about it.

I think DP/DR is my main problem now-a-days. Anyway, those are what i've tried.

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