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Hello to everyone, my story


meaningandpurpose
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theres really no other explanation. Yes I have strong insecurities related to my heritage, as well as weaknesses in properly evauating my body and looks in a objective way, but given what Ive read on this forum, I have read many stories that bear an unignorable similarity to the symptoms I had after my trip, almost to a tee, and all the Doctors and mental health professionals have ruled out Bipolar or any type of Schizo-related diagnosis, and given the circumstances of my initial disturbance being brought on by a psychedelic experience, I am, especially after reading many of the threads on here, convinced that HPPD is what it is I have, there is just too many similarities between what people write about on this forum and what I experienced and still experience, to write HPPD off. It's the only one that makes sense, honestly, and I welcome anyone to comment on this thread with insight, opinions, and comments about my case.

Thank you,

meaningand purpose

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Can you describe all your HPPD related symptoms? Do you see static, trails, afterimages, do you have depersonalization, and head pains, body aches, visuals, color confusion? Im not saying it's not HPPD, but it just seems strange to me that antipsychs make you feel better...a decrease in dopamine is not what us HPPDers need...at all

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Well first, there is this element of crippling anxiety. The anxiety is very situation specific, if I am in an environment that I am comfortable with, my HPPD symptoms will be mild, and when I am in an environment that I am uncomfortable with, I have more potent symptoms. My visual disturbances seem to be consistent to what people on these forums have written. After my inital disturbance, flashes of light and movement in my peripheral vision were always occuring. In addition, I would constantly see elaborate patterns in inanimate objects, including faces, people, or just complexity that I would never have taken note of before my exposure to a hallucingen. Other symptoms that seem to be consistent with what people have written on these threads include derealization and depersonalization. I had these consistently even after I was put on the Geodon. When I came home after the HPPD symtoms came on, for the first half of the day I'd feel relativley normal, and then as my anxiety worsened throughout the day and it got closer and closer to nightfall, I would fall into DP an DR almost like clockwork. It was as if I was under the infuence of a drug, but I wasn't. For example, I would be in class, and go to the bath room, relieve myself and look in the mirror and I'd see a person looking back at me, but subjectivley I had little connection or at the very least felt as though the person staring back at was me but my connection to this mirror image as being me was very impaired. Other visuals include, in addition to periphreal disturbances and patterns, faces, etc. in ordinary objects are many. For example, when at my girlfriends place, I can be sitting on the john, and look at a towel hanging from the shower and if I focus on it long enough, I will notice it starts to breathe, something very consistent with what people have said on these boards. Now this is the main point I want to get across. Most people on this forum experienced their HPPD as result of using LSD, however, any substance that has the potential for hallucinogenic/psychedlic effects can bring on HPPD. WIth that said, HPPD bears similarities across the board, but the content and the nature of ones symptoms are highly case specific. I would also strongly like to relay that the anti-psychotic I take functions as an anxiolytic and NOT an anti-psychotic in my case. Even after starting the geodon at high doses, I still had all of these symptoms but becuase it had a calming effect, it helped my anxiety, thus helping the severity of my HPPD. Truth be told, it wasnt until I started taking klonopin that my situation greatly improved, something that is consistent with the research on HPPD. Its been said that anxiety is a major component to HPPD, and the higher your anxiety levels are, the more potent and frequent your HPPD symptoms will be. This is totally in line with my case, as anxiety seems to exacerbate my HPPD. There is also this symptom that many people on these threads have commented on about thoughts and images in their head. With me, random, seemingly inconsequential thought and words will pop into my stream of concioussness that seem to be totally unrelated to what I am doing. Sleep has always been the biggest issue for me, and the nightmares and trippy visuals and trippy experiences that would occur in my dreams, upon waking up in the middle of the night, and during the day only started to get better after I started using klonopin before bed, and a healthy dose of it.

Do you see static, trails, afterimages, do you have depersonalization, and head pains, body aches, visuals, color confusion?"

Yes I have after images frequently, and depersonalization, and many visuals that I discussed above. However, I didn't get HPPD from LSD, meaning my symptoms came about from a less potent drug, and, I have a lot of psycho-social issues that would be with me whether or not I ever caught HPPD, making the clinical picture more complex. It was said that a decrease in dopamine is NOT what HPPD users need. Well, to tell the truth, it wasnt until I started taking a dopamine reuptake inhibitor that I was able to function at the same level as my peers. I really cant say anymore, if it's not clear to anyone that I have a classic case of HPPD, just ask questions, as the previous post did, and I think youll find that though the way I caught it was unusual, there is no doubt I have it, and will continue to have it.

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Just move on with your life man. It's the best advice i can give and one im still trying to start following myself as DPDR recently got much worse for me. Try not to look at the visuals. Go outside, hang out with people, work hard in school, work out, the more you ignore them the more likely they are to fade into the background, and maybe even go away, for the most part...stimulate your mind, stay busy, and most importantly, stay sober...smoking drinking and pills transformed my mild case of after images and static, into full borne fatigue dpdr bodypains and double vision...give yourself time to heal.

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Hey I was wondering if you had previous use with hallucinogens? As ambien is not usually a hallucinogen but if you have latent hppd from a previous trip than for sure a change in consciousness such as ambien could maybe trigger it. Reason I want to know is because I sometimes have difficulty sleeping and was wondering if I should stay clear of ambien.

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Lots of experience with pot, but not other hallucinogens, however I hadn't smoked pot in a long time before the intial disturbance. I know Ambien is not traditionally regarded as a precipitator of HPPD, however, consdering my set-paranoid, suicidal, and already cofused and tormented, and my setting-a psyche ward, I can only guess but I'm assuming the trip I experienced was much more potent given these variables than someone who trips on Ambien with a healthy set and setting. My advice, and this is merely based on my own experience, so take it or leave it, is if are going to use Ambien, go to sleep as soon as the sedative properties kick in and do not fight the effects so you can trip. I say this because if you do use it recreationlly in order to trip, as I did, I'm not an expert on the subject but the fact that it can induce a psychedelic state would in theory mean it could have an effect on HPPD. For the record, becuase I know my case is not traditional as far as the drug that precipitated it, when I read the symptoms of HPPD I met most if not all of the criteria, and I also made a video detaling my experience on youtube. I was pretty ramped up on klonopin when I made it, but my youtube account is matthewh1786, you can find the video there. With that said many people with HPPD refuse to go the pharmocological route as the common argument is "drugs got me into this situation, drugs wont help me get out of it." Over the last week I have been furiously researching pharmocological treatments for HPPD, and anecdotal accounts suggest that some drugs can help, however, I am not a doctor, and it would be innapropriate to share what has worked for me and from what I understand, psychiatric drugs are really a crapshoot. They have the potential to lessen the burden of HPPD, but also can make it worse, or merely do nothing.

Hope and courage to all of you,

peace,

meaningandpurpose

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