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LanceK2
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Hey Everyone,

 

I'm new here and it's great I can finally find people who can relate to me. I never really told anyone about my hppd because I just think its too complex for people to understand sometimes and I'd just rather not talk about it. The only person I've ever told was one of my professors for a final 7 page paper. It was easy to fill up, to say the least.

 

Anyway, my name is Lance and I have mild HPPD. It all started my senior year of high school. I partied all the time and I was high/drunk throughout most of the year. I found a lot of psychedelic drugs towards the end of the school year and started to experiment with them all and all sorts of combinations. I would drop multiple tabs of LSD, 25i, 25c weekly and felt comfortable enough to do it more in public. (As in around large groups of people) I went to EDC and did LSD all three days and the last two days I candyflipped. One of the best weekends of my life. My partying life continued on as I didn't have school for 4 months. I went to about 8-10 different concerts/festivals and every time I did some sort of drug. My favorites being MDMA, LSD, and weed. 

 

It all caught up to me at the end of July where I took a large dab about the size of a penny and I passed out then had about 3 convulsions in a row. I woke up feeling hazy, but fine. A few days earlier I did about 3 tabs of acid, and 2 pills of mdma. I strongly believe that the dab triggered what was already in my system. A week later, we had a graduation party and I completely put aside the fact that I got a seizure and I drank and smoked a lot, probably about a quarter of weed with about 5 other people. I got a seizure that night too, and after that I swore not to do any drugs ever again.

 

That was when I stopped for about a month. I haven't done acid ever since, but I have done MDMA on a few occasions and smoked weed everyday for a couple months. I had no idea what HPPD really was until the visual snow got so bad. I researched online about it and learned a ton. I tried to get around it by using drugs that didn't effect me visually such as cocaine, alcohol, etc, but in reality everything does. So that's where I said enough is enough and now I have been completely clean for almost 3 weeks. 

 

The HPPD used to be really bad, almost like I was living in another reality, but now I'd say it's only minor in comparison to what others have. All I have is visual snow and slight changing of shapes in objects.

I really hope it gets better because the visual snow is just so distracting sometimes. I read what others have to say about it and some say its permanent while others say COMPLETE sobriety will fix it. What I noticed though, is that the people who say it doesn't go away have trouble staying sober, but it's really easy for me. I've gotten past that craving for drugs. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I really wish I could, but I have more willpower to just say no.

 

I just hope to get better, to be normal again.

Thoughts? Can anyone relate?

 

Thanks

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Hi there Lance - yeah, I think we can all relate :-)  You are three weeks sober?? Congratulations!! That's fantastic. It's true that nobody knows how this will progress for you, or for any of us. However, the only way to ensure recovery is to remain completely sober. That would be my recommendation - and you know that now. I think you've probably got months ahead of you, but it is possible. There was a study on HPPD progression in 1986 - over 100 folks. By the 2 year mark, many had recovered. Half had recovered at the five year mark. For the remainder, recovery was still possible but much slower. Most people learn to live with symptoms and are pretty happy.

 

My personal experience is that exercise works wonders for mental health as well as visuals - particularly eye strain and dizziness - but a lot of it.

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I'm 35 and have had HPPD 21 years after taking strong acid four times.

I've managed to get on with things and have a normal life, but am only now really coming to terms with it and trying to fully understand it.

At least you already know what HPPD is, and that there are many other sufferers. For about 15 years I just thought I was some sort of freak, and had no idea. I've never told any of my friends or family - to this day.

I guess the best thing to remember is most people do find a way to rationalise it all and lead a happy life. Sounds like it's early days for you, so you could even recover fully.

Good luck!

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