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KeepFighting

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Everything posted by KeepFighting

  1. Hi mate. Your experience sounds very similar to mine. Took LSD 4 times aged 14, and had HPPD more than 20 years. I'm now 35. I have the same symptoms, apart from the morphing faces. I've had some dark times too, but never tried medication. Just tried to live a normal life and have found comfort in the knowledge that most people do so. I went to uni and have carved out an ok sort of career, travelled the world and have a good family (most of them!) so I just try to count the good things. It was never hugely into drugs after LSD scared the shit out of me all those years ago. I had the occasional social joint, but have decided to completely stop that now. I've flirted with cocaine a bit in my 30s, but think that may have made things worse - so giving that one up now too. I e joy beers at weekends to relax. The main things that help me are staying positive and lots of exercise. I feel fantastic after a good two-hour workout, and it's the only time I think I ever truly forget about HPPD. Hope you continue to keep a handle on things. I guess there are people out there with much bigger problems.
  2. Hi folks Had HPPD 21 years after taking acid 4 times. Only started learning about HPPD over the last few years. Anyway I might be preaching to the converted here, but just wanted to let people know I've been doing the old "Dry January" - completely cutting out alcohol - and it's had a really noticeable positive effect. Reduction in some visuals and feel much more clear-headed, balanced and happy. Sleeping much better too, and a bit less snow. I cut out drugs and smoking years ago but have always drunk alcohol (mostly only at weekends, but in fairly large amounts). I didn't think it had much of a negative effect, but maybe I was wrong. I'm not going alcohol free for good, as To be honest I use it too relax, as a bit of an escape (I don't like to use the word crutch, but maybe that's what it is). But this has certainly made me think about how much I drink, and the potentially harmful effect it has on the brain. I can recommend having a break! Hope everyone's well and things are looking good for 2016.
  3. Hope everyone is having a good one. HPPD is rubbish, but it shouldn't stop us leading a (fairly) normal life. Onwards... Cheers! :-)
  4. Hope everyone is having a good one. HPPD is rubbish, but it shouldn't stop us leading a (fairly) normal life. Onwards... Cheers! :-)
  5. I'm 35 and have had HPPD 21 years after taking strong acid four times. I've managed to get on with things and have a normal life, but am only now really coming to terms with it and trying to fully understand it. At least you already know what HPPD is, and that there are many other sufferers. For about 15 years I just thought I was some sort of freak, and had no idea. I've never told any of my friends or family - to this day. I guess the best thing to remember is most people do find a way to rationalise it all and lead a happy life. Sounds like it's early days for you, so you could even recover fully. Good luck!
  6. Jay, as a fellow long timer, did your visuals improve over time? I feel I've come to terms with most of the other aspects of HPPD ... but still live in hope of one day having "normal" vision. Mine improved in some ways (no longer see stuff moving/melting as much) but snow never improved, and a weird sort of "flickering" effect I get. I've been a total idiot this year as I took cocaine a couple of times - and think it may have aggravated things a bit. Got a bit too confident with my "recovery" I guess. Anyway I'm 35 now ... and it started at 14, so I guess I should expect it to be with me forever.
  7. Had HPPD 20 years and largely managed to cope and function without meds, etc. But one of the main things I think about every single day is - would my life have been different? What if I hadn't had this huge paranoid burden growing up as a teenager? Would I have done a different job, met different girls, been to different places? Does this shit even lower our IQ? I've always tried to console myself in the belief that if I hadn't taken acid, maybe I would've gone on to take heroin and ended up with even worse drug related problems. But I still constantly wonder how different life may have been had I never got HPPD. I have an ok life these days and have a lot to be thankful for, but HPPD is with me every day and I still think about this stuff all the time. Just wondered if anyone else was thinking the same
  8. Hi folks. I've had HPPD 20 years after taking acid aged 14. Never even knew what it was until about 6 years ago - just thought I'd taken "too much acid". Anyway it's got steadily better over all these years, but recently suffered a bit of a relapse after stupidly taking cocaine. It's got me wondering - what else may have prolonged my HPPD, or slowed my recovery. I've never been big on drugs but have always drunk alcohol. Never thought alcohol would be an issue, but am I wrong? Have read a few comments now from people who seem to have has bad experiences with alcohol?
  9. Hi folks. I've had HPPD 20 years after taking acid aged 14. Never even knew what it was until about 6 years ago - just thought I'd taken "too much acid". Anyway it's got steadily better over all these years, but recently suffered a bit of a relapse after stupidly taking cocaine. It's got me wondering - what else may have prolonged my HPPD, or slowed my recovery. I've never been big on drugs but have always drunk alcohol. Never thought alcohol would be an issue, but am I wrong? Have read a few comments now from people who seem to have has bad experiences with alcohol?
  10. Welcome to the club :-) You sound pretty positive about things, which I think is key to dealing with HPPD. I've had it 20 years now, after taking acid 4 times aged 14. Sadly for me it seems to be a life sentence, but I has eased a little bit over the years. I also managed to focus on other things - uni, travel, work, etc, and just tried to throw myself into life and forget about it. Everyone's different though, so here's hoping your HPPD gets better soon. The keys to coping for me are: Positivity Acceptance (there's no magic cure) Exercise - really helps Cutting out drugs (obvs) Perspective - things could be worse Don't dwell on symptoms Having said all that, I'm only just really coming to terms with HPPD after 20 years. I'm quite new on the forum and trying to learn as much as I can from others. I've had some pretty dark times but have never let it get in the way of trying to lead a normal life.
  11. For what it's worth, I'm 35 now and have always drunk alcohol - in various amounts. And my HPPD got steadily better over the years - until this year when I stupidly took cocaine a few times and had a bit of a relapse. I suspect alcohol is not a major worry - but would like to hear more from others.
  12. Cheers Lily, it sounds like you have a really mature approach to it all. I guess that's the key - keeping things in perspective, and accepting life will always be different with HPPD. Good luck with your parenthood mission!
  13. Hi folks Fairly new to the forum, had HPPD 20 years after taking LSD four times as a teenager. Managed to battle through without meds and have a normal life - but now trying to find out all I can about this condition, for the first time really. I've learnt that drugs don't mix. But what are people's experiences with alcohol? Has anyone noticed any improvement after giving it up for good? I've always drank pretty heavily at weekends - is there a chance that can make HPPD permanently worse? I notice my visuals get a lot worse with a hangover, but feel it's sort of worth it, as I do enjoy a few drinks at the end of the week to relax. And actually, I feel it even reduces symptoms at the time. Sorry if this is going over old ground, but I'm a late-comer in exploring HPPD ... I've spent most of the last 20 years in denial I think. Cheers, and have a good weekend people :-)
  14. Did you notice a big difference when you cut out alcohol? I only drink at weekends, but sometimes binge have quite few and notice visuals are much worse when I'm hungover. But didn't think alcohol had any long term effect? I stopped smoking and taking drugs for years but recently did cocaine a few times - and can confirm that certainly wasn't a good idea. Made things worse - but hoping it's only temporary. Agree, acceptance is a big part of recovery. The best thing anyone with HPPD can do is try to let go.
  15. I would say there's a very good chance, Lily. I don't know of any cases where it has happened, but as you say it stands to reason being predisposed to HPPD could be hereditary - given that most mental illnesses are. I've been wondering the same actuslly. I'm now 35 and have had HPPD since I was 14. As a fellow long-timer, have you found anything that helps in terms of treatment? I've managed without medication all these years and lead a normal, fairly happy life, so I'm reluctant to start taking potentially addictive medications with possible side effects. But HPPD still gets me down quite a lot. I'm new to the forum so trying to absorb any advice I can find.
  16. You'vs just turned 17? I generally stay sober but drink a lot at weekends. Somehow alcohol has always felt like a "safe" drug.
  17. Hi folks I'm male, 35, had HPPD since 1994 and only found out what it was about 7 years ago. I've suffered in silence for years and never told my family, friends, or even girlfriend of 5 years. Think my HPPD is pretty bad. Took some crazy strong acid aged 14 and had bad visuals, snow ever since. But somehow I've pieced together a normal life. Just wondering, how many people on here function as normal, and what sort of coping mechanisms have you adopted?
  18. Interesting stuff, cheers folks. I can live without cannabis, it never agreed with me anyway. Just wondering if the years I spent smoking loads could've made my HPPD permanently worse. I suppose like so many questions surrounding HPPD, I'll probably never know ????
  19. Hi folks. I'm pretty new on here. Had HPPD 20 years after taking strong LSD four times as a 14-year-old. I've somehow battled through, but it's still with me and I'm trying to learn as much as I can from the forum. One thing I never thought much about is cannabis. I've smoked it quite a lot over the years, and loads in my teenage years. Could this have made things worse? I always blamed the HPPD on the LSD because it started straight after the trips. But recently I've been wondering if cannabis might have aggravated things without me realising. In recent years I've hardly smoked it - and stopped for good last year. So I'm wondering if I might now see a bit more recovery? (doubt it though). By the way, I can say cocaine certainly makes things worse. I stupidly took coke three times this year it seems to have aggravated things. Gutted - but I'm soldiering on. I've always managed to hold down a decent job and have a good family and friends - those have been the best "treatments" for me over the years.
  20. Sounds like I'm having a similar experience. Had HPPD for 20 years after taking Acid aged 14. Was getting a lot better but, like you, I started taking coke and have had a bit of a relapse. If be interested to hear more about these MP3s? Several months ago I mentioned in the introduction forum that I had dealt with HPPD since about 1974 and have for the most part come through it all successfully, though not unscathed by any means. I said I'd share the list of thing that I feel helped me, with the hope that others can find some help too. ---- * Intro: My HPPD started after I'd taken many acid and other hallucinogen trips, smoked a ton of weed, and done lots of other regrettable things over the course of a few years starting at age 14 or 15. This was way before hppd was on anyone's radar. We heard stories of people who tripped and never came down, but didn't believe them. A couple weeks after a particularly unpleasant, anxious acid trip, I started to feel like I was tripping, had visual snow, trails, a feeling of impending disaster, depersonlization, all the classic symptoms. My HPPD had started. * First stop, psychiatrist: I was prescribed antipsychotics, possibly Thorazine at first, then finally settled on Stelzine, with Artane to prevent tardive dyskenisia. For the next several weeks to couple of months, I suffered terribly with the symptoms, which the drugs did nothing to alleviate, as well as the effects of the drugs themselves. Then, on a followup visit to the Dr., he cruelly and dismissively said words to the effect that I was way more fucked up than I thought I was. * Second, fighting back: That catalyzed me - I was going to beat this! THIS WAS THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS HEALING. I vowed that I was going to clean up, get off the antipsychotics, and get my act together. I started with all the usual "good lifestyle" choices: eat right! rest! exercise! And I think this cannot be overemphasized. * Third, refusing to give in: So now I started a long process of simply forcing myself back to normalcy as best I could. I tried various supplements and so forth: even put eggshells in my omelettes because I thought the calcium would help. I don't think anything really did, outside the fundamentals - again: eat right, rest, exercise. I found that walking, hiking, biking was excellent therapy. These basic motor skills are unharmed by the drug effects, unlike things like reading and driving, so were a good basic fallback. Plus the release of endorphins is helpful. Do it. Do it as much as you can. When I would have bad acid trips, walking was about all that I could do, and it was helpful dealing with the HPPD. * Fourth, getting involved: As difficult as it was, I forced myself to be in the world. I went to junior college. I got a girlfriend. The intellectual activity, and the emotional attachment were really helpful. I eventually felt that I was recovering, even though I still felt depersonalization, and still had visual artifacts, and I was able to function quite highly. I had simply given myself no other choice. There weren't any other treatment options, so I determined that if I was going to be on my own with this, I was going to just plug and plug away. * Fifth, staying clean: All this time, I assiduously stayed away from any sort of substances. I have to emphasize this to fellow HPPD sufferers: you cannot afford to put any more psychoactive material in your system. When I got too overconfident in my recovery, I started doing cocaine ... and relapsed. After a night of partying, I looked down at my hand and it had the far-away look of depersonalization, the dawn sky was fully speckled with snow, and I cried my eyes out when I crashed into bed. It was back. DON'T DO ANY SUBSTANCES. I had to regroup, get back with my program, go clean again, and work really damned hard to regain my lost ground. * Sixth, valium when it got bad: Eventjually developed a type of vertigo somewhere along the line, which may or may not have been related to the HPPD. It was like my peripheral vision was out of synch with my body, and it was a chronic feeling of being off balance and of the world moving. It was particularly horrible. So, I saw a vision perception specialist, and took valium - the only drug that ever helped any of my HPPD symptoms. I mention it here because even if the vertigo was not related, I assumed it meant that together with the HPPD it meant I was brain damaged. The valium definitely helped calm the panic about that. Still and all, through this I was able to complete college and live a quite reasonable existence in New York City. * Seventh, vision therapy: because the vertigo seemed vision related I went to a vision therapy specialist, but I think it was helpful with taking my focus away from HPPD visual symptoms. Search on the web for vision therapy modalities; I just briefly looked at http://www.visiontherapyrocks.com, and it looked like it had some good links. * BREAKDOWN * Then I had a psychotic depression. I have no doubt that the HPPD had made me susceptible. But the short version is that I ended up hospitalized, then underwent ECT and was put on an antidepressant. * Eighth, recovering all over again, antidepressant therapy: I believe the ECT helped, as well as the medications. I have been taking carbamzepine and SSRI's (Prozac and Zoloft), and for the most part have been completely unbothered by my HPPD for many years now. Coming out of the depression was a slow road, and I'm sure it was related, but once recovered, my symptoms of HPPD no longer bother me, even when I am aware of trails, afterimages, or snow. The vertigo disappeared too! * Ninth, PTSD treatment: after several trying years, and some unrelated traumas, I decided to look into PTSD treatment. The treatment modality was hypnosis plus EMDR (look it up). In treatment, I realized how traumatic the experience of the drug use and the resulting HPPD had been. The trauma treament I underwent made a huge difference for me in reducing the intensity of my memories of the horror of those times, and helping me integrate more fully. * Tenth, ongoing work on my Self: I continue to work all the time on understanding my mind and feelings. My current work is around Focusing (http://www.focusing.org/newcomers.htm) and it is a useful tool for opening up to exploration of feeling impressions, and guiding one's travel through one's experience. We have worked on my history of HPPD symptoms and it has really helped me feel relief from some of the superstitious and irrational thoughts that were an unconscious burden I carried after all those years of trauma. ----- So that's my success story - I never got totally over the HPPD, and I continue to have personality difficulties that I think are related to all the drug use at such a young age. I still can see more prominent after-images than I like, I see visual snow, I can see faint trails. But I am free of the feelings of dread, free from the depersonalization, have had several long-lasting relationships, have several kids, a BA degree, six-figure income, and am here if I can help any of you! Recap: 1. Antipsychotics, probably not useful. 2. Fight Back! Make a committment that you are going to beat this. 3. Refuse to give up, stay on a program of eat right, rest, exercise, exercise, exercise. I found that sugary crap made symptoms worse. Do veggies! Lots. 4. Get involved. Even though you are in a bad state, try to force yourself to engage in any way you can. Chat up the grocery clerk if nothing else. Try to read, study, do things you (used to) enjoy. 5. Stay clean. Don't even think about doing a little of this or that. Even though coke is not a hallucinagen, doing it set me back years. 6. Try diazepam and related. I found no shame in relief through valium. Do it through your doctor. 7. Try various vision therapies. You can learn to change the focus of your attention, and a sympathetic vision therapist could be really helpful. 8. I underwent hard-core depression therapy, it's not something you can ask for at your Dr.'s office. But I wonder if ECT helped my HPPD! It's possible that the SSRI's and the Tegretol have helped. I just don't have clean data here, for obvious reasons. 9. Try PTSD/EMDR treatment. You are undergoing a traumatic experience, and the trauma just reinforces the HPPD as well. I believe that the PTSD nad EMDR treatments could be excellent help. If you contact me, I will provide a link to a specific practitioner who has MP3 recordings you can buy which may be helpful to you as they have been to me. If there is enough interest, I would contact this person and request a series of custom-made recordings for alleviating the stress, anxiety, and traumatic feelings that go with HPPD. 10. Try Focusing. "Clear a Space. Feel the feelings. See how you would characterise, describe the feeling. Find resonance with how you describe it. Ask yourself what makes it feel the way it does? What does the answer say about it? What does it need, and what is in the way of it feeling better?" This is somewhat like the line of thought that goes into a focusing session, but check the website at focusing.org I hope this helps, even a little. Please let me know if you have any other questions, if you want to find out about the MP3's, or Focusing. Hang in there. Don't Give Up!
  21. Hi folks New on the forum - HPPD for 20 years (after LSD) I've been taking magnesium supplements for a few days. Pleasantly surprised as I've notice some positive effects - slightly reduced visuals, generally sharper vision and possibly clearer thinking. I say possibly, as I suppose there's always the chance of placebo. Really hope not. Anyone else had any joy with magnesium?
  22. Cheers, it's certainly good to know there are others out there. Can't believe how long I've lived with this without knowing the first thing about it. Always thought there might be other sufferers, but never expected so many. Sad times, but at least we're all in good company ????
  23. Thanks for the replies To be honest, just posting on the forum last night has given me a bit of a boost. It feels good to have "spoken" about HPPD for the first time, even if it was just an anonymous internet post. Hoping to experiment with some supplements now and see if they make any difference. Have posted on the thread to see if I can get some good feedback. You're right, the main thing is keeping positive. I just try to keep busy with fun things. I'm lucky that I enjoy my job I suppose, and have recently started learning to play the bass guitar. I still have some very low episodes though, so hoping I can find information on here to help me keep progressing, and keeping the dark times at bay. Cheers
  24. Hi folks I've only just joined the forum. I've had HPPD for 20 years after taking acid as a 14-year-old. It's been a rocky road but I've managed to get by somehow, and lead a fairly normal life. Things got better over the years but I've recently had a bit of a relapse after stupidly thinking it was ok to take cocaine. Hopefully it's only a temporary flare. I've never tried any supplements or medications but after reading some of these posts, I'm now curious. Can anyone recommend any supplements, vitamins, herbs etc that have made a difference? I don't want to start taking benzos etc, as my anxiety is manageable and I'm fairly happy and balanced. It's the visuals that really get me down, and the feeling of not being able to think very clearly. Really grateful for any advice!
  25. Hi folks I've had HPPD since I took four acid tabs in 1995 at the age of 14. I'm 34 now and I've never told a soul ... until now! It was a great comfort when I stumbled over this site a few years ago. Before then, I didn't even understand what was wrong with me. I knew it was connected to the acid - as I had pretty intense visuals etc - but just thought I was some sort of freak. This was back in the mid-1990s remember, so there was no internet, and no information. I just thought I'd royally fucked up my head (well, I had). It's never felt right to tell anyone about it. I've always been worried what people's reaction would be. And maybe I also hoped that if I never spoke about it, one day it will go away. It's got a bit better over the years, but I can't believe it's not been 20 years. I've had it longer than I haven't had it. I can't remember what it's like to "see" normally. For the first few years I was in a pretty dark place. I smoked cannabis at the time, and suffered bouts of intense anxiety. I even went to the doctors at one stage (he didn't know what to diagnose). Thankfully things got a little better - I decided to cut down the weed use, focus on school and ditch a bunch of idiots I was hanging around with who were no good for me. I think the way I've dealt with it is to try to be successful. I quit smoking, which felt like a huge achievement, went to uni and got an English degree, and now have a fairly decent job and am relatively happy. But things can still be quite bad sometimes. The visuals, static and a sort of "flickering" perception are the main things. I seem to be fine for a few months, and then have moments of despair, when I think "what the hell have I done, when will this ever go away". I stupidly took cocaine a few times this year, and it seems to have made things a bit worse. I'm hoping it's just temporary. I just want to reach out to you guys and ask if there's anything I can do to make things better? Will it EVER go away? Does anyone know definitively what causes HPPD? The strange thing is my friend took the same acid as me - at the same age - and seems fine. One of the most depressing things is it seems to have affected my concentration levels. I struggle to follow complex films sometimes, for example, and start to daydream so easily. Does anyone else get that? I've never sought out medical treatments, as I've always been worried they would only complicate things. Are there any natural remedies that REALLY help? There are three things I try to remind myself of all the time: - I've got a decent family, friends and a fairly comfortable, safe, enjoyable life (not everyone can say that) - Maybe if I didn't get HPPD I would have gone on to try heroin and ended up in an even worse state - maybe even homeless or in prison. - However stressful or despairing the visuals can be, I remember I'm not blind. We can still see, watch and enjoy the world around us. It's just a bit weird sometimes. Some other things that have helped a bit: - I've found exercise to be a huge help. It clears my head and I think the endorphins must help. - Music. Sounds obvious, but there are some piece of music that have really helped me through the worst times. - I take a strong fish oil tablet every day. I think this might help concentration levels and slightly reduces visuals - but maybe it's just placebo. - Alcohol. Obviously doesn't agree with everyone, but I've found a few drinks at the weekend really helps me relax and feel "normal" again for a little while. That's basically my story. It would be great to get some feedback or any tips / information / help regarding recovery. Even just a "hello" from a fellow sufferer. This feels like quite a big deal for me to talk about it all. I suppose the best thing we can all do is just accept it, and try to move on with life, right? T
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