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sam13
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Hey everyone,

 

Thought I'd introduce myself, my name is Sam and I am a 21 year old with what I'm pretty sure is HPPD. The event that lead me to this happened about a year ago, and is relatively uneventful so I'll try to keep it short. Coming out of high school and the first couple years of college, I had a lot of experience with various drugs (regularly drink at parties on weekends, weed, occasional cocaine) but never any hallucinogens. I decided to try LSD with a friend of mine after hearing fun trip stories from them. I only took one dose, but my trip was a literal hell. The entire time I felt uncomfortable and about half way through I felt myself getting deeper into my mind. The last 5 hours or so I felt like I was going crazy, and my thoughts felt so real. I would kinda "snap back into reality" and realize that none of my thoughts happened, which really freaked me out. Probably one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. The next day/week i felt exhausted, but no symptoms started so I never thought something was wrong. The next weekend I smoked way too much weed and had a full blown panic attack, which never happened before. I felt like some of the LSD trip was coming back and got scared that I would get the so called "flashbacks" the drug free ads scare you about.

 

After that, I began having a lot of the symptoms that are discussed in this group: breathing walls, VS, afterimages, floaters, etc. For a while I had a hard time sleeping, and began having brain fog and what I think is dp/dr. It's hard to describe, but there are times that I feel like my life is like watching a "go-pro" video and I feel sort of like I'm spectating. It feels like I'm on autopilot in these moments. While I have all of these things, I am thankful to consider them mild, and I can still function daily. I decided to stop just about all drug use but still drink as it didn't flair the symptoms.

 

The first couple of months were extremely difficult, and I hated myself for putting myself in this situation. As time went on, the symptoms started to get better, and my brain started to forget the symptoms (I still see the visual stuff but it doesn't really bother me anymore). Recently, I was at a restaurant and something triggered a relapse, and I freaked out. It almost felt like the acid trip again, but it lasted about 15 minutes, and an additional hour of worrying if it was all going to come back. Here I was getting better and then out of nowhere, I got a super bad dp/dr moment that I hadn't felt since the beginning/trip. The symptoms have flared up, but are not as bad as the beginning (I think). So that's my story and how I got to this point. I've done a decent amount of research, but hopefully you all can help answer some remaining questions.

 

1) Have any of you had a relapse of symptoms before? I liked the idea that I was making progress, and it worries me that there can be random moments that brings back all the feelings of the bad trip. While I still try to stay positive, it kinda killed some hope that I would get back to normal.

 

2) When I am falling asleep, the symptoms start to flair up along with the dp/dr feeling and I get so tired that my brain puts me into a super deep sleep quickly. Is this a normal experience? I was afraid to sleep for a while but I kinda got use to it, even though its uncomfortable.

 

3) What are some good ways to fight off the dp/dr feelings? At this point I could care less about the visuals, it's really the dp/dr episodes that suck.

 

Sorry for the long post. I hope to interact with you all along the journey!

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Hello! I'm also new to the forum.

 

1. I relapse if I smoke a lot or if I'm under a lot of stress or haven't gotten much sleep. Consider how you were feeling when you were at the restaurant maybe. If you were nervous, tired, or felt like you were under a lot of pressure it could intensify any symptoms.

 

2. It makes sense that symptoms flair/visuals intensify, I bet there is a neurological explanation for it but I know we are in a different state when we are falling asleep/waking up.

 

 

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I agree with surfinghost. I've read quite a few accounts of people who've "relapsed" but often times it's associated with doing drugs or some sort of emotional problem. Stress and anxiety seems to be the worst. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder but since getting HPPD I've actually been more calm than ever before because I know how bad anxiety is for my brain and I desperately want to avoid a relapse, even if it's a minor one.

 

I've noticed I often feel much better in the morning after I wake and much worse at night before I go to bed, so fatigue is obviously something to keep an eye on as well. But in general you should just try and be extremely aware of your emotions, diet and overal physical health. I've found when my symptoms are worse it's often in combination with other factors like stress, fatigue, etc.

 

Not sure what to say about the DP other than to stay away from drugs, especially weed, since they often make that symptoms worse.

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