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HPPD : It's Our Faults


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I see that some people act like they are victims. Yes we are victims.....of our own fucking stupid choices. This sounds blunt but yeah it's our fucking faults that we have HPPD if it isn't obvious already. I am one of those idiots who continued taking drugs knowing I had this shit. I was told I was lucky that I didn't have depersonalization and soon after, I realize I have it after deciding to get fucked up on diphenhydramine 3 nights in a row. Then I decide to smoke weed and do ecstasy the day before school started and I didn't feel the good effects that weed usually gave me and I hadn't had weed since April. I didn't have a bad trip on the ecstasy but I didn't really enjoy it either. Drugs just simply aren't fun anymore. Now it seems like I fucked up my kidneys or something as I'm experiencing lots of stomach and back pains. I ended up having a minor panic attack on the 2nd day of school that lasted through 2 classes. When I get out of the house, I feel like I'm in a movie. I don't really act the same anymore. I just sit on the couch everyday squeezing a pillow like a guy in a mental rehab. I have had a very low appetite and I have to force myself to eat. I lost 12 pounds in a very short time period which is scaring me a little bit. Since taking the ecstasy and smoking the weed, my dp/dr has gotten a lot worse and also, visuals got worse and not only do walls appear to "breathe", they also look like they are melting ! I have no reason to be whining cuz it was due to my stupid mistakes that i made. I am always watching myself from a 3rd person point of view while somebody else is occupying my body if that makes sense as this feeling is hard to describe. I think it's called the feeling of detachment. I feel like I have to have somebody go into my account for me and change the password as I just can't keep myself off this website and I'm trying to recover by staying off hppdonline.

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dont worry its no offense at all but..

 

you're right most people are crying the shit out of themselves just like you do and that makes everything worse..living a life full of regret...you know what..i dont regret anything im glad all that happened to me cause im getting stronger everyday through this.

 

dont know what to tell you other than i was once where you are now and already told you everything i know in various topics before that helps you recognizing your true problem + overcoming the condition...im done and there is nothing i can do anymore..get well even though it seems impossible with your mentality.

 

 

 

....reality is merciless but not malicious

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I think we all realize that this is our fault, and we only have ourselves to blame for it. The problem is that people get too caught up in it and worry 24/7 about it (I was like this for the first couple of months or so after I developed HPPD) or doctors far too often write patients with HPPD off because they did this to themselves and did so with illicit drugs, so these doctors see it as a sort of punishment or lesson to be learned (which it should be a lesson to be learned) and don't want to treat it. This just makes people feel worse about their situation. The key is to start learning to live with it (like I am, though I'm still seeking at least a pallatative treatment because the visual symptoms make daily life very difficult for me. Not so much psychologically, I've sort of gotten over that part, but physically. It's hard to do any amount of extended work when you're basically tripping balls 24/7, and I can't really tell my boss this since I'm sure I'll be fired because of my past drug use) and to find a doctor will to work with you. Good psychiatrists or neurologists to look at would be ones that have experience treating drugs users or addicts since they're willing to look past the drug use and at the patient instead.  I think that's what is key to getting out of the victim stage of HPPD and into the healing stage of HPPD.

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tlehmbecker you are right living with it helps to overcome it...no doctors needed..even though there might be some meds which can actually improve the condition...however it is not good to go to work or do something else you dont really want to or that has the potential to worsen the condition in any way...i just enjoy the good site of life and keep shit away from me i wont work for an insane system and stuff...be free

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There are a few people who have gotten HPPD from bad luck not directly related to voluntary drug use.   But don't 'beat yourself up' about getting this from your own choices.   You can't go back and re-do it a different way.  Don't look back too much.   Try to feel as grounded as you can.  It may not be possible to feel good in this very moment.  The chances of all of us getting better are very good, though.    

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i feel like there is no hope. I feel like this will never go away and that I will be stuck like this forever. I don't remember what normal feels like anymore. Maybe if I didn't take 400mg+ of diphenhydramine and repeat the dose 3 days in a row in July, maybe if I never took that almost lethal dose of diphenhydramine in an attempt to kill myself earlier in August or if I never did ecstasy and smoked weed last week, maybe my HPPD and all this shit would be gone by now. Jesus Christ the ecstasy I can't believe I did that.

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if you have dp/dr this is no symptom of hppd and not mentioned in the dsm its a sign of an anxiety disorder and there are many natural meds. which help with this condition...i know what real bad dp/dr feels like...and im almost over it and smoke weed daily again and when i was at my worst i thought i would never enjoy life or ever touch any drugs again but im back...never give up man..think of it like a game..dont let the bad feelings get the best of you...i

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of course they are..my experience was enough proof for it and also the many hundreds of people i talked to and read about + the description of the symptoms of both hppd and dpd helped me to recognize this..

 

dpd and hppd are often comorbid and dpd is anxiety related caused by an exhausted mind whereas hppd (hallucinogenic trauma) is a visual disturbance caused by tripping too hard, too often or taking laced stuff...why most people dont get affected by these disturbances..its why only highly sensitive people (these people are also mostly very intelligent and creative) are predisposed to acquire them...its what i've learned..

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