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Long time sufferer


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Hey all, im new on this site. Ive had a look a few times and now ive decided to have a go and join in.

A quick history...i first started experiencing my particular form of hppd in 1996-97 when i was 17. I was getting drug induce schizophrenia and the psychs decided to hep me up with respiradone. Bad idea! Ive had a bad trip constantly since then, apart from when ive been on methamphetamines (only straight biker meth). I highly recommend you dont choose to use this option as ive spent 3 1/2 years in prison over the last 10 years due to drug related offences. I think my symptoms went away on meth because of a couple of factors i.e. distraction is one, another i cant quite work out...funny thing is symptoms stay away for up to 3 months and no less than 2 months after i have stopped meth...? Someone please have a look at that and see what you reckon? I reckon something to do with the effects of meth for sure, its worth looking into. However, i feel ive suffered for 15 years due to not letting my brain deal with the hppd by filling it wuth other illicit drugs in the meantime.

My symptoms at first were severe, i felt like id taken shrooms and was having a bad trip. My eyes would roll back in my head and i couldnt pull them down. I stopped the respiradone and the eyes rolling stopped but i still got attacks of bad trips that would last for as long as it took for me to find a place to lie down for half an hour or so and it would go away. I feel i dont have to explain how this was affecting my life!!!

I started experiencing these bad trips constantly all day everyday not long after this (a few months). I felt only mild trip sensations compared to an actual trip, but still suffered immensely. It felt like i was in a pastel painting sometimes cos my visual distortions got so severe, i couldnt feel any depth perception.

Now ive been off the meth for the umpteenth time in the last ten years, 11 months this time (not the longest one). I actually have noticed my visual distortions have calmed immensely over the years and they are almost tolerable now. Which i am far out grateful for but by no means satisfied with. However, i feel its going to get better over time.

Ive noticed over the years that anxiety really amps up the wattage on my hppd, ive found if i force myself to relax (no easy feat ill let you no, self control abounds!) its a lot less intrusive.

I feel there is hope out there! SSRI's ruin me... i havent tried anything else. One pschiatrist recommended i try seraquil (quitiapine) another antipsychotic! No friggin way is that gonna help! Careful whats on offer please...people like to experiment on you or think they should know whats best even if theyve never had any experience in this field (hppd), shut those people down immediately. Let people like that know its unsafe to just 'lets see how this one goes' It could seriously cause full fledged symptoms.

Anyway, ive put myself out there now. Im keen to talk to anyone about this, any advice is sought by me PLEASE :) i need to live my life and its not happening so far cos of this. Im also here to help anyone of you if you feel the need to chat, i hope i can help. Catch you soon

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