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My life after one year of HPPD (recovery)


Silva
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Hey guys!

 

I've not been on the forum lately, not so much at all even since i was mostly seeking for informations about this condition.

 

Last year, I discovered Methylone. I liked it so much that I took it almost everyday, for three months. I had no hangover, nerver felt depressed or anything during this period.

 

Then one day I re-dropped just five minutes after I had already washed down one bomb. I don't know the doses exactly, I was eyeballing all along. I'd say all in all on the two last bombs it was something like 400mg, but I dropped like four bombs before that.

 

Two minutes later, my vision started to buzz, to shake violently every 5 seconds. Then an explosion, and I started to have real-like hallucinations for something like twelve hours.

 

Here is the report, like 6 hours after the hallucinations wore off; you can read the delirium I was still in at this time.

 

http://www.chemsrus.com/forum/14-trip-reports/33421-hallucinations-on-methylone?limitstart=0

 

The first month, I had severe panick attacks, started to have sleep paralysis every night and had a psychosis. Thinking about it, it is very likely that I almost died since I did not have the presence of mind to drink water since the beginning of the trip. Classical conditions : visual snow, objects moving in the peripheral vision, seeing like waves from heat you can see growing of the ground on the road during the summer, trails, seeing everything in double etc.

 

I thought there were demons at home, I couldn't sleep at night and was walking outside in the winter (-10°C at the time, extreme east Hungary) for hours, just to stay away from home.

 

One month later, I tried to drink alcohol and had a flashback. I peed and pooed everything I had in my body and was having a major panick attack. I already had a flashback two weeks in, in a plane due mostly to the lack of sleep.

 

I stopped coffee, alcohol and drugs for 6 months.

 

Now after one year and three months, I can say that I've recovered up to 95%. It doesn't bother me anymore, I may have some visual snow in the dark but nothing major or frightening.

 

I'm not anxious, objects are not moving, walls stopped breathing, my thoughts went back to normal and I don't think there are people in my head anymore. I take tryptophan for my sleep paralysis and it does the trick, never had one since 8 months I'm on the medication.

 

I took back drinking and that has been a big relief to realize that I could have a good time with alcohol, since I thought at first that I would not be able anymore to drink it once more in my lifetime. I can drink beers without any side-effects (never been hammered since though).

 

Just to say to keep hope! You will be better. I thought my all life was ruined and that I had lost my mental sanity forever just one year ago,

 

 

 

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i be exactly one year of this, the first 1-2 months with strong pharmacological drugs, and after i get out that of me (stronger syntomphs 1 week, but after just better), i not have more anxiety, but the visual sintomps  are ever the sames, DP/DR after 7 months just ignore it

 

and i can say im "okey" now, DP/DR just is my R and P now, and im addapted to it

 

i ignore all of the bullshits thinks and just do 

 

i started to trip (real trip) and is the best medicine for me, i can ignore all of this, but just because i ignore all my problems, to finally, are just thinks, no problems and in my hppd vision, just bullshit

just forget the problem, and the problems, and the past, just live in the now, and im very ok with that

 

in theme of drugs i cant smoke weed because i fucking trip with that, im ONLY can smoke weed with alcohol and benzo's inside (i test it this week, can get alprazolam and clonazepam, i dont use it, i was use it only for recreational) and coke with no problems, but i just no use more drugs in general, life is an trip after all with hppd and the songs with a good landscape its good for me (obviosly could be best with one touch of weed, but my vision its worst, but i feel okey, more okey than i feel ever.)

 

OSHO can be a good read for all, and i think, if you are unconfortably in a place, in a situation, just forget it and lets move

 

;)

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