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My HPPD story and some questions


Eko
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Hello everyone , I came in this website to share my HPPD story , talk with you guys , know more about it and ask some questions. Im 19 and started smoking weed since i was 15 , started smoking daily since 16 or 17. I always wanted to try out psychedelics and when i was  18 a friend of mine introduced me with LSD. In 22 december 2013 i had my first lsd experience wich was a very beatiful one , it changed me and my life in a very positive way , loved the way I was thinking so differently , was experiencing another prespective of reality , feeling euphoric all the time , everything seemed so beatiful like i was seeing them for the first time in my life , in one word i can say i was reborn. This was a very positive experience and changed me a lot in a good way. In my country its very hard to find acid so i need to go tavel somewhere else to get it so i didnt do it for like a year or so and didnt have any aftereffects after my trip. At 19 i was going to a lot of parties because i love electronic music very much , deep house , techno , psytrance the most. At one party i was asked if i wanted to try Ecstasy so i tried it , I know E doesnt have only mdma but also other substances wich you may never know what it can have it might contain amphetamine , speed or many others wich you cannot know but i know the one I was offered had some mdma as i was feeling it effects. Had lot of fun that night loved how it made me feel...so friendly and lovely with everyone , was dancing a lot ,feeling very euphoric ,  was feeling and hearing the music elements  way more then i normally do , helped me a lot with anxiety. So i loved it and continued doing this weekly for some months and started taking more and more. After some months of doing this weekly i stopped because thought to myself that i needed to take a break for a while . At that time i wanted to try LSD again so i bought 2 tabs. The LSD dealer sad that this one is very strong it have like 400 or 500 micrograms . So i did it with my friend in a big park in nature because i love doing psychedelics in nature . This LSD had a very strong bitter  taste , not like the one of my first trip . From what i have read it says that LSD dont have that taste at all...the one that have a strong bitter taste is called 25I-NBOMe. Anyways we took it...got some weed , rolled a lot and waited for the peak wich it actually comes after 1 or 2 hours then we would light the joints. This experience was way more different then my first one. Was talking a lot with my friend , was seeing nature in a very beatiful way , walked a lot , enjoyed it , realizing that everything is connected , feeling some feelings that i thought i never felt before , but it just wasnt like my first LSD experience ,  we were seeing things more differently but in a very confusing way. It didnt compare to my first LSD trip. This trip wasnt good like my first one but also not bad. After some days of that trip , after smoking a joint i wouldnt feel a weed high it would feel like a mild acid trip but i thought the reason was because i did the trip those days so apparently it will go away soon. After some weeks i saw that when i smoked this feeling wasnt really going away...i was realizing static in my vision (visual snow) , i couldnt see only black in dark , everything that i tried to concentrate...was moving left and right like breathing and everyday was feeling like i was tripping it wasnt like a normal day it seems like im not in reality anymore. After these effects werent going away i searched for them to see what was happening to me and got introduced with HPPD. The HPPD symptoms are the one i was experiencing and i felt very deppresed and anxious after reading about it because i knew i had it and the worse thing about it its that its a new disorder and it doesnt have a cure at all. I also read a lot of people stories about it. So i was smoking as i sad earlier i love weed and do it daily for 2 or 3 years . I kept reading more and more about this disorder and i read that weed make ur symptoms worse. Everyone knows me for smoking and all my friends smoke weed , so i continued smoking until i realized that my sympots was getting 10x worse , was feeling anxious , ( not relaxed like a normal weed high ) my visual snow was going way worse ( never had it before ) and was sometimes having terrible headache. So i realized i need to stop smoking weed because if i continued the symptoms will get only worse . It was very hard for me to stop my daily routine but i had to because i dont want to live like this for the rest of my life. I have HPPD for like 3 months now...staying sober for 2 weeks...not even drinking coofe or alchool because i read it only make ur symptoms worse. Everyday feels like tripping , like im not in reality , sometimes its really hard to make decisions , my visual snow is everywhere i cant go out that much at night because i see it more...i sometimes see floaters...after-images but not very much...when i look at a carpet or things that have patterns in it just starts moving or like breathing...my eyes have a very strong sensitivity to light like when i look at a light for example if i look at a lamp for 5 or 10 sec then i look away i would see really really bad for 10 seconds or so like the light its still there. Im also a collegue student but hppd just made me learn more as i need to do things that dont make me think about it , because the more you think about it , the more stress you give yourself about it i think it becomes worse. I had a 100 points in a math exam and passed all my other exams cause im in economics so it means you can still learn with HPPD. I also read that benzos help your HPPD symptoms. So i went to pharmacy and asked for xanax , they asked me if i had a prescription and i explained what HPPD was how i got it and doctors in my country dont have an idea what it is , but they wouldnt give it to me. So i tried other pharmacys and at the 4th one i tried the girl that was working there gave them to me even though she didnt know what hppd was and sad go and talk with someone and get a perscription because next time i  wont give it to you. I dont know with what type of doctors to talk...if anyone could answer this it would be very helpful. So i bought 2 pacs of 0.5 xanax. I use only 1 pill per day sometimes 2. I dont use them when i have to study for exams because it makes u forget a lot. I think you should use them when u need them the most when ur feeling very stressful because they are very addictive and the thing how they work is for example when u pop a xanax the symptoms wont just disappear...but you will notice them less. I miss smoking weed and mostly i miss seeing normal but now i need to stay away from psychedelics for a very long time if i want too see normal again...but i have to accept it and live with it because it was my decision to do psychedelics and im not saying that they are bad just saying you need to be in the right set and setting , and know about HPPD because i didnt know about this disorder till i got it. I also havent told anyone about this not even my parents or my brother or my friends so I need to talk with someone about this and thats the reason i came to this website. If any of you want to do any psychedelics and never tried them i would say shrooms , I never tried shrooms so i thought of asking you guys...i've been sober from weed for 2 weeks now...when i'll become like 3 month sober will i be able to try shrooms...i would go with a very small amount...maybe it would help me or maybe it would just make my symptoms worse. I know people also got HPPD from shrooms but just asking if they might help me about anxiety or so because they are organic not chemicals like LSD and E . I think maybe i got HPPD from doing too much ecstasy at parties and when i took LSD or 25I-NBOMe im not sure...it just made me realize and see that i have it. But as far as i have read i think lsd is more likely to cause it. This is my story and my first time sharing it..i would love to know more of HPPD and is it possible to get a full recovery from it.

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Hey Eko, you came to the right place, everyone here is willing to lend a helping hand to help each other get better. I'm proud of you for getting sober, I know that's hard to do. I've had this for almost two months, still finding it hard to kick my cigarette habit. Anyway, as for your question on shrooms, I wouldn't advise using any psychedelic substance until well after you're completely recovered. To be honest I recommend not using psychedelics again at all after HPPD because the scary thing is that after you recover there's still a chance it can come back. But if you stay clean you have a good chance to keep that from happening. Good luck, stay clean, and don't be afraid to PM me if you need any personal help!

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