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Symptom free (2009-2015)


Guyindubai
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Hello everyone so I'm gna basically tell you my story and what has happened since then and what is going on right now. (2009-2015)

I know this is a very long paper but I honestly put all my effort into it and even wrote it from my iPhone just because I wanted to share my story and maybe he;p others and inspire others.

Back in 2009 I had traveled to Canada when I was first living in Dubai, which has very strict rules and regulations for anyone who takes drugs.. So I had just graduated from high school and decided to go to university over there and live by myself, party and have no responsibility's what so ever. (God how childish and stupid that was)

So I arrived in Canada and settled in my dorm, and from the first night I arrived and I had smoked my first ever joint and I had this weird feeling I still remember it where I felt insecure and neither happy nor sad, just lost. Ended that night by leaving the people just walking away from them not saying a word going up to my room and dumping my body on my bed and sleeping. Next day I met up with the same people and we had started smoking on daily basis and drinking a lot. I had attended a few classes and decided F that and started skipping university, this isn't were all hell broke loose, not even close, bare with me.

So the smoking and drinking and partying went on for a month until I decided I want to start trying the new and harder stuff and the first was mushrooms..

It was late at night when we got them and it was me and two of my friends, we took the shrooms and it was such a weird trip, I'd be happy laughing and then all of a sudden I'd go quiet and just totally be like fuck my life.. I duno how to explain it really, it was just a weird trip and you can just tell from that trip that something was eiffy in my brain with drugs actually not from the shroms but from the first joint.. but oh well i didnt listen to my brain

 

after the shrooms I discoverd my favorite that was yet the drug to be the death of me.. MDMA or X, I started popping those pills at every single party, and then every single night, and then i'd go on a binge for week's.. and no i didnt feel weird on X or MDMA i felt nice and happy and confident which made me think meh there are drugs that could be fine and wont harm me...

 

basically I was smoking drinking and popping.. And things were out of control I wasnt eating well I wasn't artending a single class when I had traveled to Canada  to study for college in the first place.

 

this went on for 3 month.. I had tried every single drug out there and some of them were fun and I didn't have any bad trips on them.. Such as MDMA and cocaine... and here comes the hell part the LSD..  one night a friend of mind had a tab of LSD on him, and he was explaining to me what it was since I was the new guy in the dorms who had never tried drugs before etc.. And for some reason he decided to give it to me.. Eventually that night I took it and I had one of the worst nights In my life.. I tripped really badly I was being paranoid and terrified everything was moving and I was freaking out all night long, it wasnt just visuals but i was also emotions of being just horrified as if im going to die.. I remember laying in bed for so long just looking at the ceiling and seeing stuff moving and freaking out non stop for about 8 hours.

 

unfortunately I didn't stop my drug journey there. I had continued with the MDMA and cocoaine after that.. And still enjoyed them never had a bad trip on them, until I don't remember how or why but I took LSD once again, and this time I took it with my friends, and as soon as the LSD kicked in all I felt was paranoia and terror, and i felt like my friends wanted to harm me, like I wasn't liked i felt things around me chasing me everything in the world or everyone in the world was conspiring on me, literary  felt that... Anyways that night was the night I first saw hell, or maybe opened the gates of hell

 

I woke up the next morning like a zombie I couldn't function properly I noticed a change in my vision a change in my self and just felt like something isn't right like I had lost connection with the word (DR/DP).. And yes within a week I realized my symptoms were not going away, and i freaked out and I became even more paranoid, I wasn't even able

 to leave my dorm room to do anything anymore, I decided that was it, I'm gna go back to Dubai, and since I live with my parents and the country has no drugs and if your caught with drugs you basically spend 10 years in jail, I knew I wouldn't risk doing drugs.

So I came back to Dubai and lived my life as if I was in hell.. I tried to hide it from my parents and family and it worked but during the first year all I had was panic attacks tremors paranio and anixity, I refused to tell my parents about any of this.. And tried my best to live my life normal and so I did, until I had travel to a county in the Middle East with my family and I went to a concert with a friend, and I had decided that I want to do MDMA again during the concert because I thought nothing can go wrong... But oh was I wrong I had taken X and as soon as It kicked in I felt this terror and paranio as if I'm being chased by the police and I'm going to be arrested.. the same if not worse effects of the LSD i had taken that had given me my HPPD...

I do not remember what had happened that concert or how I was able to get back home, but thank god i got home safe..

 

and i got home hallucinating and a few hours later i told my parents because i couldn't take it anymore i felt the world is conspiring against me and my hppd even got worse and it wasn't going back to the state it was before when i was in Dubai before traveling...they freaked out and I told them everything that had happened to me up to the concert which was 2010, they took me back to Dubai and took me to a psychologist, and I explained everything to him, and he decided to put me on anti-psychotics and he did and It made everything worse I wasn't able to live, and that's when I started doing my research and I found this site back in 2010 and I remember talking to Jay i remember asking jay how to take klonopin and how to stop it if i was to just use it for 5 days and then cut it off for two days would it work and so on like he did back then, and a few other people who helped me out and pointed me in the right direction.

Anyhow I had scheduled an appointment with my doctor and stopped taking the anti-psychotics because they we're driving me crazy and I had insisted that he would write me a proscription of klonipin and he kept of refusing because I had an addictive past and klonopin is addctive and i would abuse it, but i never did because i didnt want to mess with my brain or body anymore, i have seen hell.. and i never want to get there again..

 

He eventually did and he write me klonopin and SSRI with it which was cipralex, I had started the medication and a few days later I noticed improvements, my anixity slowly started to go away and i was able to have a normal life again, i was able to actually speak to people normally and not walk with my head down and be scared the entire time and terrfied because of my HPPD anixity...

 

Later on a few month in I found out about Keppra when i noticed that okay im fine, but something is still wrong which was DR/DP and I spoke to my doctor about it and finally he wrote me a prescription for it, and from there I started getting better, and as of today i can tell you im probably 100% symptoms free, maybe 80% healed or medcine controlling my sympots and 20% forgotton about the other things and they dont bother me or i dont notice them anymore.

 

most importantly i want to tell you this from my experince?? This will make you such aa strong and tough person, it is a nightmare i wouldnt wish it on my worse enemy, yes its so so bad and it destroy's your life, but when you overcome it you become such a strong person with the ability to do alot and achieve alot in the world for example myself.. I started being able to live in my life, I continued studying and I got myself a BBA, I then started working in a reputable company after I graduated and I'm currently married with a girl who knows my past and loves me for who I am. I love my life and im happy, i eat well i sleep well, i work out on daily basis, i have a good job that pays well, and my brain works well, it takes time and medication from my experience.

 

today I can tell you my symptoms are maybe 80% gone, I only have to deal with the visual, but my anxiety has vanished, my depression my dp/dr has vanished.. Everything is gone except for my visual which I honestly don't mind and they don't even bother me anymore, I barely notice them, but If i could get rid of them without having to deal with any side effects i would ( sinment would love some feedback from your guys about this) but if i will go through some side effects then i'd rather just continue living my stable and happy life as i am today,

How did I recover? Healthy lifestyle, quit smoking, quit drinking, starting sleeping early and eating healthy food, working out, believing in myself, and yes Klonopin and Keppra did alot of work.

Medications : Keppra, Klonopin, SSRI ( I don't recommend this nor is this the advised medicine for you, consult your doctor to know what medicine you need Im must mentioning my medication)

Recovery period; 3 years and my symptoms had disappeared.
And yes im still taking the 3 medications, Keppra klonipin and zoloft

Klonopin 2mg once a day in the morning, never took more and never will, keppra use too take 1000MG, 500mg in the morning and 500mg at night, but im currently fine on 500mg and Zoloft 50MG once a day, all the medications i take them when i wake after i have my breakfest and just go on with my day and nothing other then stress from work comes to my mind. 

 

I would love to answer all your question. Please please  feel free to ask me anything and I will keep an eye out here.

 

Also maybe this could be moved or post also on success story forum part so other can read it ? i duno maybe a mod can do that.

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Congrats!! :D I'm so happy for you. Do you plan on tapering off Klonopin and/or Zoloft? Do you notice any side-effects of these drugs?

 

Enjoy your life man :) You deserve it!

Thank you very much, I did start tapering of Zoloft because I honestly don't need it to take it for more then 2-3 years since it works on sertonine in the brain for a while fix's it and thats it i think from what i recall but because i was used to taking the medcine on daily basis i never decided to stop, but just last night as I opened this forum again for the first time in years, i decided to slowly cut down  Zoloft, and today is day 1, Klonopin, I dont currently plan on tappering off it, because i think it has masked my sympots and thats why i am living and being able to do my daily routine life normaly, from my point of view this is an example, lets say you have a heart problem and you need medcine for your heart for the rest of your life, wouldnt you take the medcine? you would, and thats my case with Klonopin, and the thing is iv been taking it for 4 years and thank god i never had the urge to increase the dose or felt like it isnt doing its job, side effects, I duno, but from what i know, i eat well, sleep well, work proparly, got a degree, got married, my life is fine i dont feel any side effects so ya.. 

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Congratulations Guy, inspiring to hear your hell-and-back story, I'm glad you've recovered! I wish a long happy, healthy life for you!

Thank you, just know you all can make it. HPPD can be very minimal or literally hell depending on how far you took it with drugs.. and trust me i have been to the pit and fire of hell, and thank god I am currently living in heaven compared to what iv been through and seen.

 

No matter what never give up, you can always stand back up on your feet and walk and eventually run!

 

I thank god and my family and my wife for support, and this forum because I was able to find out whats wrong with me even though my doctor had no clue at first whats wrong with me, sadly my new doctor knows my sympots but when he diagnosis me he label's it as anxiety, which makes me sad that hppd isn't that well  known about in the world. 

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A good notice! So, your dp/dr is gone¿ congratulation man! A big hug for you!

Yes, my dp/dr is gone, i think the Keppra helped alot with it and also TIME it took time for my symptoms to finally go away with medication and living a healthy life style.

it probably took me 3 years to have my dp/dr gone, you can say its 90% gone and 10% forgotten about it.

 

Only thing i suffer from currently is visuals.

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