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Just breathe


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Hey guys, I haven't really posted in a while. I've kinda just been lurking around this website for a few months, checking to see if anybody has found a cure, or maybe some tips and trick to deal with hppd. I've been holding on to this hope that a cure is going to be found everyday now. I've been meditating constantly, praying constantly, I've gotten a job to preoccupy myself from overthinking my hppd, etc. Well....actually Ive gotten a job to get money primarily, but the break from overthinking is an added bonus. I've been trying and trying and hoping and hoping....and I'm just tired of it. I'm really tired of it. I'm sick of caring so much, I'm sick to my stomach in fact. It's so stressful to be stressed out about stress...you know what I mean?..Probably not. I don't know, in a few months it'll be my hppd's one year anniversary, and I haven't really seen any improvements in my overall symptoms. But, you know what, I have seen improvement in how I cope with them. I use to freak out over my symptoms, and feel like Ive damaged my brain and fucked myself over for life, and I still do feel like that at times, but I've gotten better at looking at the bright side. I have friends, and a family that loves me. I have food on my table, I have a pretty good sense of humor. I want to make youtube videos soon, and hopefully get sponsored so I can make youtube moneys and fuck youtube bitches, lol. Eventually I want to use that money to become a musician, and fund my endeavors.  Maybe one day, if my albums sell well, I'll be able to take a trip to south America and visit the rain forest over there. The indigenous people there don't suffer from baldness, or diabetes, or cancer, or brain disorders, and I feel like the herbs there would be able to help alleviate the symptoms of hppd. So I'd like to go there and  bring some of the herbs back to America for research, and maybe eventually find a cure for "incurable" diseases. I give money to charity, because I know what it feels like to feel hopeless, and if I can help someone, just a little bit, I want to do it. The old pre-hppd me would've never done that. I'm not trying to seem arrogant or anything at all, I'm just trying to make a point. Hppd isn't the end. I still have hopes, I still have dreams, and I've honestly become a more caring person because of it. If you're just now going through hppd, or have been going through it, I just want you guys to know, That none of you are "broken" or "crazy" or "fucked" or any of that. We're all going to have our off days, I'm going through one right now (drank too much last night, flared up my symptoms), and life maybe a little more difficult for me these days, but I'm not giving up, and I'm going to wear a smile on my face through every second of it. If you're ever feeling overwhelemed or thinking negative thoughts or feel introverted, just breathe. Breathing helps me out a lot. I take one deep breath and I instantly feel better...This post is fucking long and I'm just rambling, but the main reason I posted this was for you. I hope in someway this helps someone, I really do. Keep on vibin' guys. :)

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