Jump to content

HPPD for 23 long years :)


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone i've wanted to share my experience on this board for years but had trouble getting access until now. Well here I am finally and here it goes.


I will cliff-note it since 23 years is a bit long to fit in this little box.


Prior to my HPPD journey I found god, the one, the flow, the fullness with utter confidence and was UNSTOPPABLE with the world at my fingertips.


So I thought.


Looking back now I got cocky, wanted MORE,  jumped in head first and hit a very large rock so to speak. That day I fell into an extremely VICIOUS loop in a very hostile environment. Perhaps I should've planned it a bit better or just been satisfied with the knowledge I was already blessed with. Everything I knew was torn to shreds and all I was left with was the memory. I felt dead.


After that day I deemed D-day things were never the same. My communication was done for I couldn't even form sentences let alone clear thoughts, the sound echoes and visual voices left me dumbfounded and lost. Paranoia ruled EVERYTHING! Most of my friends bailed on me as the years passed and I rocked the bottom. I even tried LSD again to perhaps reverse the effects but the path was blocked and it frustrated me to no end. I thought it would never end. Unfortunately it never did but at least I was able to hide it better :)


After 3 years of the same old sad thing I decide to gtfo out of doge and go somewhere no one could understand me anyways. China. It was the best thing I could've ever done. I found meaning again (kinda) with the challenge of learning a new language and new culture. It distracted me enough from all the other BS that was going on in my head and for the first time I forgot it even happened. While it didn't happen over night it did spark my passion to travel. China, Thailand, France, Cambodia just to name a few. While I still stumble over my words and thoughts i've finally managed after all that time to learn how to calm the f*ck down again.


I was once told by a monk that I was suffering from the repercussions of to much too soon. That I wasn't prepared to experience in a 8 hours what took monks decades to master. Im not sure how accurate that is but at least it made me feel better that all streams eventually flow into the same sea.


I'm back in the states now married with a wife of 9 years and a beautiful 2 year old daughter. I still haven't given up my mission to unblock that damn road! It took me years but I can smoke weed again and come the 19th ill be taking MDMA for the first time in like 10 years. Im so looking forward to it! 


I just want to say to anyone who is struggling with HPPD right now, you are not alone! Do not despair, we are the seekers and the world would be a very boring place without us. There is hope....


Nice to meet you all!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi, I definitely don't recommend anyone else to walk in my footsteps but I do consider this upcoming event part of my hard work.

I ingested psilocybins about 5 years ago and treated it with respect as I should have with every prior journey, there were no regrets.


I consider it a gradual process with experiences far and few between but this is how I'm trying to heal. By facing my fears and digging deeper into my psyche and trying to clear out the debris from that landslide so long ago. Of course this is only my opinion and most probally is fiction :)


- Update: I took part in the MDMA festivities this past weekend and to my disappointment it didn't really do much either way. Perhaps the dosage was to low or perhaps my HPPD just nullifies it.' Next.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.