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HPPD and My Existentialist State of Mind (My Journey From Now Onward)


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I'm going to use this as a little HPPD journal and to make public all the things I try, what helps, what I go through (no one can understand my issues better than all my HPPD brothers and sisters  ^_^), etc. If anyone would be interested in my personal context (how I gave myself HPPD and what not), I'd be more than happy to include it, but I feel as though that's not entirely important. The reason I'm making this 'journal' is because I have high hopes that I'm about to be on the road to recovery. Don't get me wrong - I still have HPPD, and a rather severe case at that. I made some progress today, though (more on that below).

 

I'm still going to post research at the HPPD Stack thread; I bogged it down with what came to mind and general ideas, although plenty of studies, too. I recommend anyone interested view that thread - Syntheso provided a lot of anecdotes and studies, and I started compiling some studies, too.

 

As I had mentioned here and there, I was going to see a Z-Health practitioner today. I see Z-Health as a form of 'neuro-rehabilitation'. Of course, people go for joint problems, mobility issues, athletic enhancement, etc. but it offers a lot for people with neurodegenerative diseases, TBI's, and so forth. They have a ton of things that are used purely for sensory enhancement (even hearing and the like, not just seeing 'better'), and that's what originally caught my eye. It can potentially induce a lot of structural and 'micro-structural' changes in the brain. I'd look at their advanced reading list (clinical/research/case studies) or listen to some podcasts featuring Eric Cobb. Additionally, watch this presentation on neural plasticity.

 

I went today and the lady I was going to be trained by was kind enough to not only cut me a deal AND spend extra time with me, but to research HPPD and co-morbid disorders to see if there as anything in the Z-Health curriculum that could potentially help, read any studies I sent, read my conversations with Dr. Peat, etc. I sent this form with some specific symptoms, my goals, supplements I take, etc. so she can read it beforehand and we could spend time only on assessments and drills. 

 

We started with some things that seemed completely unrelated to my issues, yet with time proved worthy. I walked in a straight line while my trainer took note of very subtle things. I did these assessments where I touched my heel to my knee and ran it down my leg to the tips of my toes. I made all these faces while she felt my jaw and temples; felt my ribs as I did deep breathing. Then the cool stuff came. She used these instruments on my arms and legs such as pins and these little brushes to detect how I feel the slightest sensations; things that tested my ability to hear, see, and smell, etc. Long story short I had some evident imbalances. Pretty much everyone will - even if you are 'healthy' you can still improve your performance in one way or another; but personally, there were some major imbalances that displayed hypofunctionality of my cerebellum, vestibular system, and more.

 

We started with visual training first. Prior to doing any drills, we tested my eyesight just to double check what the ophthalmologist had found about two years ago. I had 20/20 vision. Before getting into what we did, I had speculated that after doing the visual drills that my vision was better, as everything seemed more 'crisp'. For instance, when walking, I noticed simple dust particles and things such as that which I wouldn't normally notice. I tested it again and my vision was 20/15! This is besides the point, though. The reason you do simple thing such as walk or make facial expressions or do very specific movements with a joint/muscle such as your wrists is because you can literally improve things, say, your deadlift, simply by where you place your eyes or how you move place your foot. So we established all these things with various assessments and then did visual training.

 

I did some training following objects horizontally across my entire plane of vision, both at a slow and fast speed. Then diagonally from bottom left to top right and bottom right to top left. Then vertically. Then I had to look at my trainers chin while she held two very thin stick-like objects to both sides of my visual field - when she shook one I had to look at the object then back at her chin as fast as possible while keeping my head straight towards hers. This was to test both my cued attention, peripheral vision, and reaction times. She then did this again, but placed the objects to the top and bottom of my visual field. With each passing drill, I became increasingly fatigued. I kept explaining that the way I felt was as though my eyes and brain had literally went through a highly intense exercise/weight training regiment. It reminded me of lifting weights - I get sore and get that lactic acid buildup, and it sucks, but at the same time I love the feeling (weird, I know, lol). I also stated that it felt as though parts of my brain that typically lied dormant were awakened/activated. I started getting pretty fatigued though, and my after images began to get slightly more noticeable, so I wanted to stop the visual training.

 

We then did other perceptual training. I did these arm exercises and my range of motion was limited and the motion was choppy. This was both an assessment and drill. I then plugged my right ear with a bud and I kid you not there was a night and day difference. Comparing each attempt, it was as though my first time through the drill I was 'forcing' myself to complete it, whereas the second one was effortless. I then started walking again and doing some reaction drills and I outperformed in EVERY ONE. My posture even improved and I kept telling my trainer that I felt as though my movement was more 'fluid', She didn't say much because she wanted to see more. I then plugged my right ear AND covered my right eye with a patch and did the arm exercise again. Lo and behold I did even better. Did the assessments again and my performance was shown to increase yet again. I then covered my right eye, plugged my right ear, and closed my right nostril while doing the exercise and AGAIN did better. After this I felt fatigued again (it felt as though different regions in my brain were literally being flexed as though I were doing bicep curls with my occipital lobes or something, haha). We then did some more sensory assessments associated with feeling and hearing. For instance, there were times that two objects were placed against a part of my body yet I thought there was only one, and sometimes I barely even felt one. The same could be sad for my hearing - there were times when I heard a pitch in one ear yet in the other it was very faint.

 

There was A LOT more done, and I'm hardly doing the entire session justice, and it lasted longer than expected. I noticed that while we were discussing my 'homework', I was actually smiling and even being sarcastic and joking - this is how I normally am yet in the past few months it's difficult for me to express my very peculiar sense of humor and absolute outrageous personality (think of my humor as a cross between George Carlin, Sara Silverman, and then Bob Saget with a dash of complete spontaneity, lol (intellectual yet vulgar and over-the-top)). Interestingly, I felt as though my DP/DR had been decreased by 25-50%. My fiance heard my voice on the phone and said I sounded as though I was in a good mood, which is interesting because I had (1) only gotten about 5.5 hours of sleep (which normally completely trips me out with HPPD - even minimal amounts of lack of sleep makes all my symptoms worse, and lately I have to sleep 9-10hrs) and (2) my mom and grandma (who took me to the trainer) were arguing both there and back the entire time. I typically would have been irritable and on the verge of having a panic attack, with difficulty speaking intellectually. I went to my fiances and brought all my usual gear 'just in case' (such as l-theanine, etizolam, red laser pen, CES device, pregnenolone, flexeril, and bags to breath into) but didn't use any of it. We even went to walk our long time friend to her house and protect her since her family and herself had their house broken into and received death threats and thus they're residing at a hotel while investigations take place. I typically would bring the CES device and a paper bag to breathe into for CO2 production, yet I went with nothing, not even a cell phone. I had only the slightest amount of anxiety and DP/DR, but nothing overwhelming.

 

Before I left, I did the exercises with the ear plug, eye patch, etc. again. I now have a template of sensory gating exercises that I will do as frequently as possible; I'll do them until I start feeling fatigued, then rest until later and do them again, and then continue that cycle. I had previously purchased the "R-Phase" DVD and received the "Vision Gym", so I'll be adding these protocols, too. Next week via skype or something I'll be speaking with my trainer and doing some more assessments, then in 2-3 weeks (from now) going back in to receive some more guidance and see if we can add more sensory exercises. I also inquired about going in 1-2x/month up until October, which is when I'll be attending the 3 or so day seminar to receive my R-Phase certification.

 

There is a lot of information on sensory training, movement based therapy, etc. increasing performance and various 'forms' of 'intelligence' (especially spacial memory and things of that nature). I believe that patience and persistence with this training, along with sound nutrition, will enable me to repair some neural networks. Although I have tampered with diet for the past 2 years, only in the past few months has it really started getting good (and I'm still far from optimal). I'm seeking out sources of pasture raised organ meats, and not only liver, but things such as kidney and sweetbreads; copious amounts of coconut fats and red palm (kernel) oil; daily collagen/gelatin from soups/stews and gelatinous meats; oh, and lots of fructose and sucrose  :D. Then throw in some whole-foods based supplements such as eggshell calcium, high vitamin butter oil, fresh squeezed orange juice, and mineral water. Not to mention I'll soon have NSI-189 (which I see having synergy with Z-Health), and I may trial Coluracetam, soon. 

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I'm going to use this as a little HPPD journal and to make public all the things I try, what helps, what I go through (no one can understand my issues better than all my HPPD brothers and sisters  ^_^)

Amen, brother! Thanks for sharing all that.

z-health.com seems to suggest that they only cater to athletes, but this is not the case, I gather?

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Amen, brother! Thanks for sharing all that.

z-health.com seems to suggest that they only cater to athletes, but this is not the case, I gather?

 

Athletes make up a large population of people who seek training in Z-Health, but by no means are they the only ones. This master trainer I know on Facebook has stated he's helped people with PTSD, Epilespy, and Lyme disease. The woman who was training me used Z-Health to rid her joint and back problems in one session, which I believe is when she wanted to learn the curriculum and become a trainer (she's one certification away from Master Trainer, which is quite a difficult status to obtain). 

 

I don't want to make anyone too excited though, nor do I want to do that to myself either. I still have HPPD, and today was an average HPPD-ridden day except I didn't have a full blown panic attack, and for about 50-75% of the day my DP/DR was significantly less than it typically is. At one point, though, I was on the verge of getting all panicky, yet it went away very quickly and after it 'came down' I applied some CES and was fine the rest of the evening (up through now). Additionally, when I did some of the exercises, I felt, once again, less DP/DR.

 

I didn't get to really do the vision training today, just the exercises with the eye patch, ear bud, etc. I did the vision training for like 7-10 minutes but I'm not sure I was doing it properly; I had my fiance help me with some of the drills but we were in such a confined space and without appropriate gear/tools that we had to use markers and what not. Before bed I'm going to do all the exercises once again. I'm also going to start doing the whole protocol that was decided upon for me to do at home each morning as soon as possible after waking up. This will include the visual exercises. I will then know for certain I'll complete the drills at least once, and then if I have any time throughout the day I'll do random drills here and there. I'm also still applying CES daily, typically as needed, but I'm going to try and increase it to 3-5x/day (especially when I wake up and before/while I sleep). Most of the studies with positive results on various disorders/diseases (I posted one about it being extremely efficacious for treating psychotic inpatients with daily violent episodes) use CES at least 1-2x/day for a 3-4 weeks which is when neurotransmitter levels begin to increase alongside endogenous opioids and alpha brain waves. I'm going to set my CES device to run for 3 hours tonight while I'm sleeping and see what plays out. I've also found these LED panels that can be changed with this remote control and you stick to something, say, a wall or some furniture; I've started outlining my floor mat with them and turning em on red and sleeping with em. 

 

I'll update again soon. Goodnight to everyone! 

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Thanks for sharing, I´ll be following this diary and hopefully your road to recovery closely. I gotta admit that Z-Health seems promising. On a side-note, I would actually be rather interested in your personal context. However, I do not wish to impose any pressure on you or if you feel like the thread would be sidetracked by doing so :) Good luck!

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I recognize this existential state of mind. HPPD makes you reconsider reality, in my experience. Nice report, would love to hear about your philosophical understanding regarding HPPD.

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Thanks for sharing, I´ll be following this diary and hopefully your road to recovery closely. I gotta admit that Z-Health seems promising. On a side-note, I would actually be rather interested in your personal context. However, I do not wish to impose any pressure on you or if you feel like the thread would be sidetracked by doing so :) Good luck!

 

I have no problem sharing my personal experiences with HPPD. In fact, I believe that the more personal stories, experiences, etc. that are shared among HPPDer's and co-morbid disorder sufferers, the more thoroughly we will begin to understand the problems. It can also be particularly therapeutic, at least for me, when speaking with people who at least have some (and sometimes a large amount of) understanding of what I go through on a daily basis.

 

I'll try and keep things as short as possible, though it will still be rather long since my experiences leading to HPPD and from then on were/are quite extensive. I can always elaborate more in the future, too.

 

Prior to using a variety of substances, I simply focused on school and sports. I was a football player from elementary school through Sophomore year in high school. I also wrestled from 6th grade through a portion of the season during Sophomore year in high school, as well. In fact, I believe it was 8th grade that me and 2-3 other friends/teammates wrestled both for our middle school and a local wrestling club. We wrestled 6 days a week, which included: 1 meet/dual per week, 1 tournament per week, and 5-6 days of practice with 2 days per week of 2 practices each day. I was in AP courses and what not in high school, too. Yet during all of this I had always been an extremely curious, so called 'existentialist' type of individual; contemplating the why's and how's of everything. When I got into high school I started smoking hookah and I drank occasionally. After this I smoked weed only a few times. It wasn't until sophomore year that I became a 'pothead'. When I started smoking a lot I still maintained good grades and was still an avid athlete. I would often meet up with my two best friends after football (who were also on the football team), who coincidentally lived about 2 blocks away from me in both directions. We'd meet up and smoke a small amount of weed every day until about 6-7pm then go home and do homework and what not. I enjoyed this a lot, and forged a rather close relationship with both of my friends/teammates/classmates.

 

Eventually we got the wise idea to NOT smoke after practice, save our lunch money, and purchase weed in bulk on the weekends. We would only be smoking Fri-Sunday, then, thus having a lower tolerance, and we'd have between a quad to a half ounce between 3 people. This is when we really started getting heavily involved in weed, and then drinking, too. We started acquiring "bubblers" and lavish bowls, making some really sophisticated gravity bongs, and just smoking half ounces every weekend followed by a 5 day "t-break" of sorts. We'd also, as a group, match other people and thus often smoke well over a half ounce in those three days. Our weed was just that, OUR weed. We never claimed any portion of it as 'ours', the individual, but 'ours', as in the group. Eventually as we started earning more money, getting closer with our dealers, etc. we would start getting ounces or more between us each weekend and smoking more and more heavily. Sometimes in the morning before class, at lunch, hell, even before football games (one time on a half day we went and smoked and completely lost track of time after smoking like an eighth out of a hitter, then had to run back to school from downtown and go play baked out of our minds - twas a very interesting experience, haha).

 

This is when we started looking into psychedelics and what not. I could go into each experience, if wanted, but to keep things short I'll just say we started with mushrooms and LSD. My first 3 psychedelic experiences were amazing, and if I had stopped there, or at least taken a break or went about using them in a more logical, mature manner, I'd probably never have come down with HPPD (though I had minor HPPD symptoms after these trips only when I'd be sleep deprived+extremely high on edibles and hash and what not, and stressed out; even then it was minor visual disturbances like my blankets would start to warp a bit and if I chose not to concentrate on it these distortions would immediately go away). These trips were catalysts to introspection and a furthering of my intricate existentialist, curiously minded nature. Even in my sober state, I'd often be at areas that I had tripped at and looked at the trees, sky, grass, etc. and realized that although things were not 'trippy' anymore, I could still sense their interconnectedness and ultimate beauty at a foundational level. If anything, my first 3 experiences were therapeutic and almost 'nootropic-like', though in a more spiritual, emotional, 'meta-cognition' sort of way. Oh, it also took me trying LSD like 6+ times to actually get a good dose that wasn't either extremely weak or a complete rip off, haha.

 

Eventually, as I started hanging out with old friends who I hadn't seen in a long time (who were also a year or more older than I), I started using other things. People who I wasn't always friends with started enjoying my company, because to them, I was the "chillest" out of my close group of friends. I started going to parties, meeting a lot of people, and doing a lot of stupid crap. I'm talking about hanging out with one group of people drinking and smoking all night to then be picked up by another group of friends at midnight from my house to "throw-down" $100+ dollars on weed to then drive around and smoke until 4-5am (I don't know why I ever allowed myself to be in a car full of people smoking considering the town I live in has some hardcore really over-the-top police force that literally thrive off of teenagers getting popped off for nothing more than weed, haha (though now we unfortunately have a hardcore heroin problem and many people I know have died)). We would often have 5-7 people in a car meant for 3-4 people max. People laying in the trunk and stupid crap like that, haha. Eventually, I started using more and more substances, while neglecting to ever sleep (often staying up 24-48hrs straight smoking weed and taking tons of adderall, red bull, and coffee). I started to use DXM, all different 'sources' of codeine, diphenhydramine (benadryl/dramamine), xanax, adderall/associated meds, etc. Started going to tons of raves and festivals and candy-flipping a lot. I remember one time I sold this Ipad and spent almost $500 on weed and smoked it all in a few days. One of my older friends had stolen a key to these trailers at our high school and when I bought all that weed I chose to smoke them down at like 2am in our school trailers. We literally hot boxed these trailers that had full classes in them about 6 hours later. And it wasn't a small amount of weed, more like an ounce+ between 4 people. Then we collected all the resin and kief and smoked more, lol. So, as you can see, I started making realllllyyy risky decisions. 

 

At concerts I then started using a bunch of ketamine and what not. Often came home after a night of being at a rave in another city to have like 6 or so kids sleep over and we'd hotbox my bathroom, drink a couple fifths of gin (literally a couple fifths between our small group), pop xanax, etc. after being on a ton of MDMA earlier. Or we'd come and do a bunch of K until 5am, wake up after a couple hours of sleep, then throw a party at this girls house, where we'd be sleep deprived, drunk, and still feeling an after glow from the previous night while playing with her horses what not. I think what caused my HPPD was one weekend in particular. It was actually around Valentine's day, and being my shy self I had planned to give these chocolates to the girl who is now my fiance, ask her to be my valentine, and spend the night with her. She and her friend (the girl with the horses and a ton of land) picked me up and we hung out and smoked weed and what not. My fiance (now) had to leave, and although her friend said I could spend the night at her house and drink and hang out, I left and went home.

 

I got picked up immediately by my friends and one of the most reckless nights of my life ensued. We started smoking tons of weed, and we'd lace blunts with codeine while also drinking codeine. We also had all taken some xanax. We went back to my friends house and were completely messed up, and decided to share a water bottle of vodka between three of us, which made us so inebriated we decided to walk to a local Jewel at 2am (while on many mg's of xanax, an unknown amount of codeine, and about 3-5 shots of vodka each, along with an ounce or so of weed) and get a bunch of DXM. Hahah I remember my one friend started doing some cartwheels and back flips because he is all into parkour, free running, and gymnastics, and he did this damn carthweel in the middle of the road while a cop drove by (on a main road) and damn near got hit by the cop (like literally landed a back flip within 2 feet of the cops right-side mirror), and the cop did nothing and kept driving. I have NO clue why he didn't pull us over, but we got damn lucky. We went back and downed over a bottle of DXM and for the first time EVER I had blacked out (I never got a hang over from drinking, puked, etc. despite my aggressive substance abuse, I knew my limits and often would do a little drinking/drugs over a long period of time during the day, thus never overdoing it at one time). We woke up to get ready for a NiT GriT and Two Fresh concert at the House of Blues (Chicago) and were completely sleep deprived and still under the influence from last night. I ended up doing a ton of molly and smoked something that got laced with PCP, though I didn't know it at the time. I was completely gone. Spent the night at someones house in chicago who sold tons of weed for a living and we smoked a couple ounces between 5 or so people and stayed up all night, slept for about 2hrs, then smoked a ton of weed on the drive back to our homes.

 

I took a bunch of xanax to sleep that night, and passed out for what was definitely not enough time (about 8-9 hours). The next day we all took huge doses of DXM and tripped out. The next day, yet again, we took the remaining DXM, took some molly (a potentially fatal combination, NEVER DO THAT), some codeine, and I have no clue what else. Within the next week I had permanent HPPD and couldn't smoke even a few hits of weed without feeling like I was on LSD, experiencing some odd sensations of my head filling up with air to the point of implosion, shaky vision, etc. This lead to GAD and panic attacks even while sober, which I NEVER experienced before. I started having night terrors, too. Things just started getting gradually worse, yet I never told anyone. I'd pretend to smoke weed when I was with my friends just so we could still all enjoy each others company. I'd take a hit but never inhale and just blow it out when no one looked, lol. I just drank and did xanax at this point, went to a lot of concerts like that and somehow still have vivid memory of them despite being on 3-4 xanax and a bunch of alcohol. In all honesty, no matter how many drugs I did, I often remember just as much of the night as people who were simply high on weed. I had really good control of myself, despite by very unintelligent decisions. Soon thereafter, April 2012, I started dating my best friend and fiance. I stopped hanging out with my friends almost completely and devoted my time to being the absolute best boyfriend in existence. My fiance at this time was still going through a lot of tribulations that started long ago. She used a lot of substances, perhaps more than myself. I doubt she'd condone me sharing personal information about her experiences, but to say the least her ex-boyfriends (who were often much older than her) were pretty abusive, and I had always been a close friend of hers who tried to offer protection, and just mere compassion and friendship. I believe I always loved her. I definitely had a crush on her from the first time I met her a few years prior. At this point in time I was trying to help her, though dealing with what was not nearly as severe HPPD (though still bad) as I have now.

 

That about covers it, though there is actually TONS more too it. I could definitely write a few hundred more paragraphs, lol. Besides what I believe caused my HPPD, I believe the intense daily stress I've been under for my entire life caused my HPPD to gradually get worse. All of my stressors after coming down with HPPD were increased due to financial problems (close to financial depravity), family health problems (younger brother), separations (to a degree), feuds, etc, along with constant moving, and so forth. Each time I moved, each time there was a huge ordeal in the family, each time there was an intense stressor, my HPPD got much more severe. It's now to the point that I don't really even leave the house. Even in my own home I feel pretty crazy and nonfunctional. Something as simple as going to my local college to get textbooks, do research, or attend a class is almost unbearable. Within minutes I get a feeling of 'impending doom' which increases my DP/DR tenfold and I feel as though I'm reaching the edge of insanity, all until I end up just leaving (so, essentially fleeing (choosing flight over fight)), going home, and making myself pass out. There's a lot more I can say, but I'll chose to end my rambling now as it's already very lengthy. 

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On a side note, I contacted the woman who was training me this past Wednesday and asked if I can start seeing her weekly. I haven't done a lot of the exercises, but I feel as though so far things have been neutral, which, although it sounds odd, is also positive. If you start doing some of these exercises and have no reaction, or even a negative reaction, that offers insight as to what regions of your brain/eyes/ears/CNS are functioning improperly, are imbalanced, 'hyper-functioning', etc.

 

What I mean by neutral is that I see benefits in some respects, and deficits in others. Firstly, before the (left shoulder) drills, I do these assessments: I see how far I can bed forward without any bend in my knees, as well as the palm exercises, seeking for differences in speed/movement/fluidity/sensation/etc. in my arms, wrists, etc. After doing even an insignificant amount of the drills, my performance in the assessments are drastically improved. Additionally, my brain function seems temporarily improved. I think I'm going to test this tomorrow morning before I do the drills - I'll do tests on quantified-mind, do the drills, then do the tests again. But it feels as though certain parts of my brain become 'awakened'/activated after these drills.

 

Visually, my visual acuity seems improved, yet my visuals seem more pronounced. Visual snow, after images, etc. It seems as though my improved vision has led to me noticing my visuals more. My DP/DR, overall, is the same, though directly after the drills it is temporarily non-existent (or very much reduced). I haven't been doing the eye exercises, though, but tonight will do a what was outlined for me. I'll do them once a day for 5-10 minutes, which although my trainer didn't say was good enough/too much, is recommended in the Z-Health Vision Gym videos. I am supposed to do 4 exercises as frequently as I can without becoming fatigued, but I'll just do them once per day up until my next session. I'm supposed to essentially keep my eyes on an object moving horizontally, then vertically, the diagonally in two directions (bottom left-top right, bottom right-top left), while keeping my head straight forward, only using my eyes, and not moving my body and what not, all while taking notices in the various subtleties that may arise (tension in my back, facial straining, etc). The vision gym has A LOT more exercises, though. Some very interesting exercises, too, such as using these visual aids that have all these trippy images on them and then doing things with your eyes to combine portions of them into a 3d image. I did the warm-up just awhile ago, though not proceeding to do any visual drills, and my eyes were actually more relaxed. It was a combination of a massage to the muscles around the eyes, followed by applying direct, though light pressure to the center of the eyeballs which activates the "oculocardiac reflex", doing intense blinking, then palming.

 

This upcoming week I get paid again, and aside from the money I'll be spending for birthdays and an anniversary, I'm going to spend practically all of it on some diagnostic testing (RBC magnesium count, and maybe Vit.D), and then either (1) pay to see that neuropsychiatrist I spoke about in another thread that does rTMS, HBOT, and more, or (2) buy a bunch of different compounds and trial them individually while taking readings in HR, HRV, body temp, extremity temperature, body oxygenation, and a journal. I'm thinking of: MgT, Pico-Ionic Magnesium, Magnesium Bicarbonate (you can make this easily at home, and I have, but there is a debate as to if it is as potent as the patented formula sold at a pretty expensive rate online); Coluracetam; NSI-189 (I'm in the group buy for a gram, but I'm actually pretty worried about how it will affect me due to being partially derived from nicotinamide which caused me a 3-7 day period of extreme depression and perhaps even a minor state of delirium or psychosis, at high doses, though); Progesterone; DHEA; Flubromazepam; and KetoForce. Also thinking of buying the rest of the HeartMath set, namely the 'video-games', along with this interesting breathing set that comes with these DVD's for training, a band that strengthens your diaphragm, some breathing device that gives an estimate of CO2 production, etc. If Z-health gives me even a modest improvement, along with my continual use of CES, I'm going to sign up for all the "Art of Living" and associated courses, too. I'm just wary because deep meditation and prolonged periods of 'spiritual' practices have been shown in clinical settings to induce (primarily, but not always) temporary states of psychosis in individuals with a currently fragile state of mind. You can look up "yoga/meditation inducing psychosis, clinical studies/scholarly articles" and will probably find what I'm talking about.

 

I'm going to do the shoulder drills again right now before reading and doing some blogging and homework, and I'll do the visual drills later and report back if I notice anything. Again, if I notice even negative reactions, that is potentially good over the long-haul because I'll learn information about various regions of my nervous system (the vestibular system, for instance). 

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Once again I had some interesting results:

 

This was my second time today doing the shoulder exercises - I did the assessments before and after each different combination of movements and sensory inhibition (right eye, right nostril, etc). Each time I performed better on the assessments. My DP/DR was temporarily reduced and my mood was slightly uplifted. I had some sensations in my head, too. I then decided to just attempt the basic eye exercises, using a red laser pen as a tracker for my eyes. I did the movements horizontally, vertically, and diagonally (both ways). With each 'set', my eyes grew a little more fatigued. Again, similar to how your muscles feel when exercising, only instead of a lactic acid buildup (a burning sensation), it is a tightness. Some more interesting head/brain sensations, too. Some interesting sensation in the middle of my head and both eyes right now.

 

My vision seems, once again, improved, yet at the same time, weird. It's like I notice that my vision is produced from both of my eyes. I know that sounds weird, and that is often how I feel when dissociated. We are this group of organs, tissues, body parts, etc. that work in unison to form the human organism; this is obvious, yet when I'm dissociated, it's as though I'm hyper-aware of the fact that each body part and what not, although interconnected, is an entirely individual entity/portion of my body. This is kind of how my eyes are right now. I'm like really hyper-aware that both of my eyes together form what we know as vision. I know that sounds really weird, and it is, but I can't help but take notice of it, lol. As I said, I'm going to do testing tomorrow before and after I do these drills, because right now my brain feels slightly more functional. A little 'off', again, just hyper-aware of things, but generally more 'turned-on' (as Dave Asprey would say, haha). I can notice this in my typing, too. I know that right now this effect will wear off, and I hope that with persistence the effects will become permanent, but I have this acute effect of increased fluency and coherence in my typing, speaking, and thinking. It's really interesting how simply performing a very short, very specific movement, sometimes with sensory stimulation/deprivation in specific areas (an eye or ear), can produce brain wide/nervous system wide changes. 

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Within minutes I get a feeling of 'impending doom' which increases my DP/DR tenfold and I feel as though I'm reaching the edge of insanity, all until I end up just leaving (so, essentially fleeing (choosing flight over fight)), going home, and making myself pass out.

I had this too, a sense that something bad (impending doom) would happen any second. But nothing ever happened. This kind of paranoia is a powerful radar. The mind can reach a long way outside the body (remember how you can "merge" with a buddy from a distance on a trip). Perhaps you are reaching out for an ultimate reality you cannot know while having hppd/dp/dr - the condition creates a stronger conditioned reality. If you are not properly grounded in the "reality principle" that Freud talks about, your life may be filled with illusions and dreams that can take over your whole being, thereby being unable to discern properly what is danger and what is not. This is very stressful for a person.

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Very interesting input. I agree with your thinking. I haven't delved very deeply into Freudian psychology; I know I disagree with a lot of what he believes about dreaming and sexuality, but he has some interesting intakes on humor and its potential as a therapeutic adjunct (which I mostly agree with). 

 

 

being unable to discern properly what is danger and what is not. This is very stressful for a person.

 

This resonates with me. Logically, I know that there is no danger around me, yet my nervous system/brain for whatever reason is in a constant fight or flight mode, perceiving everything as a potential danger/threat, hence why I have this background residual anxiety accompanied by spontaneous, seemingly non-triggered panic attacks.

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Thanks taking the time to share all that! And yes I agree that reflecting and/or describing these things might yield therapeutical benefits within a community of people able to relate. One quick, hopefully not too derailing, question: Did you notice ALL the classical symptoms of HPPD over the ensuing week after the event/weekend and they then got worse due to stressful environments? Or would you say some symptoms "randomly" appeared over the course of several months (this is what happened in my experience, after quitting cannabis and over a year removed from experiments I believe lead to HPPD. Like one day I suddenly got starbursting and then ghosting joined along for the ride)

 

 

My vision seems, once again, improved, yet at the same time, weird. It's like I notice that my vision is produced from both of my eyes. I know that sounds weird, and that is often how I feel when dissociated. We are this group of organs, tissues, body parts, etc. that work in unison to form the human organism; this is obvious, yet when I'm dissociated, it's as though I'm hyper-aware of the fact that each body part and what not, although interconnected, is an entirely individual entity/portion of my body. This is kind of how my eyes are right now. I'm like really hyper-aware that both of my eyes together form what we know as vision. I know that sounds really weird, and it is, but I can't help but take notice of it, lol. 

 This! Visual have written about something like this in other threads, focal and ambient visual processing following e.g. TBI. http://www.thesgassociates.com/Articles/Visual_Dysfunction.pdf (don´t know how to format links like you do on Reddit..)

 

But this is definitely something I experience, although it´s happens pretty randomly, which again makes me think it might be related to hyper-awareness caused by disassociation/anxiety/Pure-O tendencies. Anyways, when it does happen, vision  does seem clearer but weirder in an unexplainable way. It´s like "feeling" the eyes working to form a coherent picture and IME this makes the presence of my nose in the visual field very noticeable, probably due to the quick shifting in dominance between the right/left eye (or just hyper-awareness of a normal visual phenomena). Pretty strange, but not that unsettling though as it usually pass when focus (no pun intended) is directed towards something else ( more often than not another visual anomaly or DP/DR realm)

 

 

 

 

´

 

This resonates with me. Logically, I know that there is no danger around me, yet my nervous system/brain for whatever reason is in a constant fight or flight mode, perceiving everything as a potential danger/threat, hence why I have this background residual anxiety accompanied by spontaneous, seemingly non-triggered panic attacks.

 

Alas, this is perhaps the most frustrating part of panic attacks, DP/DR and anxiety. The inability to liberate oneself of these feelings and thoughts through logic because the intellectual engine of the brain is overridden by (more or less severe) malfunctions in the fight-flight/threat department. Just imagine how much it sucked for the curious dude who ate some funny looking shrooms back in the hunter-gatherer days and got HPPD  :lol:

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The inability to liberate oneself of these feelings and thoughts through logic because the intellectual engine of the brain is overridden by (more or less severe) malfunctions in the fight-flight/threat department.

Exactly. During such circumstances, one must apply means to disengage from the animal nature of fight/flight response and also "connect with life" beyond the obscured ordinary intellect. But by which means? Prayers, meditation, direct cognition, tranquilizers (!?) or physical training can do that (in my experience).

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A good question indeed and I suppose there is more than way to solve these problems. I gotta subscribe to the approach, in lack of a better word, promoted by e.g. BigPapa (nice reference, wether intentional or not, to the great Biggie Smalls :) ) as I believe targeting the right areas through a combination of medication/supplements/therapies and healthy living would most likely provide the best results. Acceptance (not defeat) is also important and I guess faith, meditation and what not could be beneficial for some as long as it´s not causing further damage or irresponsible decisions. I can´t speak for others but whenever somebody replies something along the lines of "Shaman vision" to an individual raising concerns over visual disturbances following a trip I get extremely worried. 

 

Anyways, keep updating us on your progress BigPapa and feel free to intervene whenever you think we´re going too far off-topic :)

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whenever somebody replies something along the lines of "Shaman vision" to an individual raising concerns over visual disturbances following a trip I get extremely worried.

"Shaman vision" is not about psychedelic entertainment, but healing. Do you mean somebody said that visual disturbances are shamanic vision or that shamanic techniques are meaningless? *off topic* but I got curious...

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A good question indeed and I suppose there is more than way to solve these problems. I gotta subscribe to the approach, in lack of a better word, promoted by e.g. BigPapa (nice reference, wether intentional or not, to the great Biggie Smalls :) ) as I believe targeting the right areas through a combination of medication/supplements/therapies and healthy living would most likely provide the best results. Acceptance (not defeat) is also important and I guess faith, meditation and what not could be beneficial for some as long as it´s not causing further damage or irresponsible decisions. I can´t speak for others but whenever somebody replies something along the lines of "Shaman vision" to an individual raising concerns over visual disturbances following a trip I get extremely worried. 

 

Anyways, keep updating us on your progress BigPapa and feel free to intervene whenever you think we´re going too far off-topic :)

 

I definitely don't mind any conversation that takes place, haha. Although I started the thread to post about my thoughts on defeating, or, at least effectively managing HPPD and mitigating symptoms, along with a therapeutic outlet in the form of a web-based diary of sorts, the thread is really 'ours' (meaning, everyone that is a part of the forum, as well as those who may come here yet don't have a physical account). The more sharing there is, the better. I post A LOT on other threads at essentially every forum I'm part of, yet I can often derail the threads, although it's not intended. Hence why I created this thread. I can rant all I want without actually drowning out other peoples information and thoughts. 

 

 

"Shaman vision" is not about psychedelic entertainment, but healing. Do you mean somebody said that visual disturbances are shamanic vision or that shamanic techniques are meaningless? *off topic* but I got curious...

 

I believe that's what he meant - visual disturbances equaling shamanic vision - though it'll be interesting to see what he says. That is actually what was off putting to me about this RNA product that I actually paid shipping and handling for a trial bottle of; supposedly some people would see things similar to what is seen on a psychedelic, or even what we see with HPPD for those of us with extreme visual disturbances, namely the warping of objects/the environment/etc, shimmering of patterns and colors, and so forth. The creators of the product, iON (which is a group of people that more or less come off to me as Christian extremists (not that I'm putting down Christianity in general)) state that when this happens you're becoming one with your higher self, other dimensions, god him/her/itself, etc. Not only does that just sound kooky (though it can be true - I enjoy practicing an extremely open mind, though with a good dose of critical thinking and justified criticism, lol), but I don't want anything that is going to make me have psychedelic-like visuals when I already have days where I feel like I'm on a low dose of LSD or something. Even if it really was some spiritual occurrence, due to my current state of mind, I'd definitely be incapable of making use of it.

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Haha, glad you feel that way as I have the tendency to let my mind, for better or worse, wander off in many directions which may very well impact the original purpose of a thread. But yes, the more conversation, the better.

 

 

 

 

 

I believe that's what he meant - visual disturbances equaling shamanic vision

 

Yes, that´s what I meant and my intent was not to question the healing practices shamanic traditions may or may not provide as I don´t possess the necessary knowledge to do so. With that being said, I don´t think actual "shamans" would regard increased afterimages as helpful in any way and that this inability to differentiate between HPPD and spiritual enlightenment is potentially dangerous for people belonging to the former category.

 

Reminds me (mind wandering off again) of the much discussed study where 500 members of The Native American Church were surveyed and no symptoms of HPPD were reported. This has always baffled me and whole PTSD theory could potentially be applied to explain this (wrong settings and/or overwhelming sensations without necessary tools to integrate/interpret (if possible) these experiences and thus causing trauma etc)  Then again some users e.g. StateOfRegret report nothing but pleasant experiences with psychedelics (or at least no "bad trips") and still developed HPPD, indicating that genetic predisposition most likely plays an important role. Trying to make sense of this mindfuck with a fucked mind is quite difficult, but I think we´ll get there someday :)

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I have a bunch of things to post soon, maybe tomorrow or sometime shortly thereafter. I've been sending emails to a ton of physicians and health/wellness professionals about "HPPD and My Existentialist State of Mind" (lol). I've found some clinical psychologists, neuro-psychiatrists and brain based therapists, orthomolecular psychiatrists, anti-aging physicians, and more. I also found a very local HBOT facility, whom I believe offers HBOT for people without having to first obtain a reason from a physician.

 

Since my HPPD overall (meaning, from when I first experienced symptoms up until now) has gotten much worse, literally so bad that it has taken a drastic toll on both my academic and social life (my social life I don't care as much about because I'd rather spend every second with my fiance than many of my old friends anyhow, lol, she was my best friend years back before we dated and she still is), let alone my overall demeanor, I plan on spending as much time, effort, and money as possible on 'curing' it. Although I'd definitely live with simply effectively managing it if that was all that was possible, I do plan on becoming 100% recovered and then enhancing my state of consciousness as much as possible while helping as many as possible in the meantime. Nevertheless, with my check coming this upcoming week, I'll probably spend a lot of it on diagnostic testing/labs and some appointments with different physicians, I'm thinking of these labs:

  • Neurotransmitter testing - I've seen a couple, but the one I just recently looked at doesn't include everything, but I'd get a good look at GABA, DA, and 5HT
  • Amino acid testing
  • Hair mineral/toxic metal testing
  • HPA-axis testing
  • Complete thyroid testing, including anti-bodies
  • Extensive Male Hormone Panels, or at least: Pregnenolone, Progesterone, and DHEA
  • Along with the simple Vit.D and (RBC) magnesium testing

 

A few of the things I just inquired about (to various physicians within a tolerable driving distance):

  • acupuncture 
  • IV or rectal (never knew this existed, and depending upon how it's done I may prefer IV, haha) chelation therapy
  • Applied Kinesiology
  • Myer's Cocktails/IV nutrient therapy 
  • HBOT and/or "night or daytime" oxygen breathing therapy
  • Magnetic therapy
  • Hydrotherapy 
  • NeurOptimal Neurofeedback
  • LearningRx Brain Training 

If anyone has any recommendations on meds to look for, or ones I can acquire without a script, along with any noot's, etc. I'd appreciate them. Depending upon how much money I have left after ordering some diagnostic testing and spending money on birthdays and an anniversary, I was thinking of trailing some things, such as: different 'obscure' forms of magnesium, Coluracetam, naltrexone, NSI-189, Aniracetam (probably simply to combine with Coluracetam), high dose ALCAR (perhaps ALCAR-arginate), and some other things I can't quite think of right now. ALCAR, and both Colu/Aniracetam look particularly beneficial for me personally, because although I think I can have low levels of multiple neurotransmitters/damaged neurotransmitter 'systems', I have reason to believe that my NMDAr's and acetylcholine system is extremely dampened.

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Reminds me (mind wandering off again) of the much discussed study where 500 members of The Native American Church were surveyed and no symptoms of HPPD were reported. This has always baffled me and whole PTSD theory could potentially be applied to explain this (wrong settings and/or overwhelming sensations without necessary tools to integrate/interpret (if possible) these experiences and thus causing trauma etc)  Then again some users e.g. StateOfRegret report nothing but pleasant experiences with psychedelics (or at least no "bad trips") and still developed HPPD, indicating that genetic predisposition most likely plays an important role. Trying to make sense of this mindfuck with a fucked mind is quite difficult, but I think we´ll get there someday :)

 

Yeah, this guy on this facebook group kept posting these articles about those Native American Peyote users to try and publicly debunk my idea of having HPPD (well, he never openly stated that, but that's what it seemed like after he questioned why I believe I have HPPD dozens of times and tried to show that it is almost impossible to get). I believe I have HPPD for one of a few (or multiple) reasons: (1) Damaged receptors/decreased neurotransmitters from the variety of drugs I used; polysubstance abuse is indefinitely worse than simply smoking weed or using some psychedelics. I also ingested a decent amount of research chemicals and synthetic cannabinoids; (2) my history of concussions and blows to the head made me more susceptible - people who have brain/head injuries are often affected (in the brain) by toxins far more easily than those who haven't had them, (3) bad trips - the specific weekend I spoke about, with the DXM/PCP - was definitely traumatizing. I was laced and unprepared for the effects, and when I tripped on DXM a couple days after there was a period I thought I was going to lose it (for a short while; in fact, my friends and I all had frightening moments during that trip).

 

The PTSD relation to HPPD resonates with me, because when I speak about tripping, hell even as I was typing what I just typed, I experience intense anxiety and fear. I used to occasionally take a few puffs of a cigarette when first dating my girlfriend and going for walks with her (never actually smoked cigarettes, and even when I took puffs it was only occasionally and infrequently), and I would almost have a flashback to the concert where I smoked a cigarette that was laced. I'd get extremely panicky and get some psychedelic sensations. If I even said PCP (and to a degree, this still happens), I'd feel really scared.

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Quick update:

 

Last night (or should I say morning, lol - about 3:30 AM) I had a very odd experience - I was writing this blog and was pretty tired, but I was definitely awake enough to do my work. Next thing I know I essentially fall asleep and almost fall out of my chair and physically felt the sensation that one experiences when going down a drop on a roller coaster ride, what I always refer to as the "heart drop/falling" sensation, yet I felt that in my brain. My eyes popped back open and I ended up not falling asleep, though, and the whole experience lasted a few seconds at most. It was entirely spontaneous, and shortly thereafter I felt very groggy and my head was heavy. Kind of how I feel if I were to go to sleep and get awaken only an hour or two into my sleep - just that disoriented, very tired, groggy feeling. It is kind of worrying me, though, because how do I know that won't happen at other times? I don't even really drive right now due to my HPPD severity, and now there is no way I'd put other people's lives at risk considering that could happen at the wheel. But who knows, maybe it was a coincidence?

 

Additionally, today I feel pretty well. Still have HPPD, lol, but things are better than they typically are. I woke up more rested than normal, have much less residual anxiety, haven't had a panic attack (keeping my fingers crossed!), and DP/DR is there, but not as significantly. The only thing I changed was that I did more of the z-health exercises yesterday, including the visual drills; additionally, when I did CES before bed, I changed the frequency from 100hz to 0.5-1hz. This supposedly affects/modulates endogenous opioid production more than 100hz. In a study I posted, it is the frequency used in a violent psychotic woman who eventually became an entirely different person and was sent from a maximum security mental institution to her referral hospital, who then remarked her personality was substantially changed. She used 0.5-1hz for 1hr, 2x/day, along with an additional 15-45min, 3x/day for acute episodes. I may try this protocol. 

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Oh, I'm also going to try some other things that may be simultaneously more efficacious and cheaper than what I was previously speaking about. I'm going to have another session this week with the z-trainer, and I'm going to focus on environmental enrichment primarily with my next check. I'll probably get a ton of halogen/heat lamps, LEDs, and bright incandescent bulbs, while additionally getting some plants to place in the living room. I will probably still get both Colu/Aniracetam, too, just to see if it will (1) prevent/dissipate anxiety/panic attacks, (2) affect visuals, (3) enhance general cognition, thus helping me get through these upcoming semesters since HPPD has made me get behind on credits.

 

I've also wondered if Coluraceam can replace things such as Citicholine, ALCAR, etc. in the "Happy Stack" since it will undoubtedly increase choline - it may even be more cost effective. 

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So, I'm looking up these online pharmacies, and hoping there aren't legality issues with acquiring different compounds without a script, lol.

 

I'm thinking about getting things such as Naltrexone to replicate the Naltrexone treatment of HPPD study, as well as Buspirone, which as a standalone medication is rather worthless for most, but when mixed with melatonin, it causes hippocampal neurogenesis (which has been studied by Brain Cells Inc... the creators of Coluracetam). Also thinking about anti-epileptic medications since they've had some efficacy. I don't plan on using them for long, either, but until I had sufficient diagnostic testing, funds for supplements, sources of high quality foods such as organ meats and bones/joints/cartilage, etc. and maybe a way to do neurofeedback. 

 

Any meds that have helped you? What symptoms in specific were decreased? 

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So, I'm thinking that rather than experimenting with any meds just yet (even for a temporary time as in the case of Buspirone+melatonin which may have lasting effects after 6wks), I'm going to drop a significant amount of money an a very elaborate neurofeedback unit - the TAG (Theta-Alpha-Gamma) Synchrony.

 

According to someone I speak to on longecity, "It promotes broad-band synchrony by allowing you to control directly the synchrony of you brainwaves. I meditate and am quite into eastern spirituality (maybe you are too, or is Chakra just a coincidence?), and the total state induces some seriously powerful transcendental experiences. It's like meditation on steroids, the gains spill out instantly into your life off-the-cushion. I've never felt so aware, creative and at peace. If you're interested in learning more check out http://www.tagsynchrony.com/, the guy who invented it has a comprehensive and intriguing methodology. If you don't have a neurofeedback device there are some clients dotted around the US, maybe there are some near you. If you can, try out a few sessions of it and see what you think! Honestly I think I've found the panacea of mental enhancement." This was a couple months ago, and we've messaged each other occasionally since then and his language skills and coherence (in thought) has clearly improved by leaps and bounds, and he was intelligent from the get-go (in my experiences conversing with him). 

 

Upon researching it, although there is definitely more for me to learn, it induces the structural and brain wave changes that are seen in very experienced/advanced mindfulness meditators, albeit at a much faster rate. I've always thought that neurofeedback, meditation, appropriate breathing, etc. are really foundational, perhaps the most overlooked yet most potent forms of neuroenhancement/modulation/rehabilitation, and I believe I have also overlooked it in the past couple years. Before HPPD I was big on binaural beats, meditation, lucid dreaming, etc; yet I wouldn't dare attempt OBE's and lucid dreaming currently, as I've had sleep paralysis and hypnagogic hallucinations (more so physical sensations - vibrating, weightlessness, 'heart drop sensation', etc), and with HPPD that'd just trip me out too much. Nevertheless, I think this form of extensive, very guided neurofeedback can completely throw my brain into balance. Pair that with the proprioception, sensory gating, and visual training I'm doing with z-health, and as long as I support the facilitation of these changes with plenty of calories and nutrients, my brain can definitely be changed. 

 

I'm contemplating if NSI is even worth me getting if I were to do all of this - especially because it's partially derived from nicotinamide which scares me considering how adverse of a reaction (mentally and emotionally) I had to high doses of that about a month ago (damn does time fly). Yet, I also can justify it because it would definitely have synergy with z-health and neurofeedback; I was also thinking of pushing the boundaries of my emotional control and going on long mindfulness meditation walks in nature with nothing on me to get me back home, thus just using the environment and my memory. This would be a form of exposure therapy, environmental therapy, some enriching experiences as I know cab drivers and the like have denser areas of the brain that deal with spatial memory/directions (which taking walks in unknown environments would probably facilitate), meditation, etc. and then NSI would enhance the synapse formation. 

 

Regardless, I'm going to make the dive and purchase the neurofeedback equipment. I'm not even sure how expensive it is yet as I'm not certain what I need just yet, but I'm guessing around $1000+/- about $200. Hopefully it's worth it...

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Interesting observations today. I went back to my z-trainer and re-did most of my assessments (which I did better on even prior to doing the drills), and then did drills and added some realllyy far out neurological training. I did training to specifically activate/induce the vestibulo-ocular reflex (VOR), which according to my trainer, can be quite intense and thus is best to take slow and try out at her facility first - when she first learned about it and tried it she almost threw up and was extremely dizzy for a half hour or so. I've gotta say, at times it produced a weird response, or, at least physical sensation in my left eye. Interestingly I saw an old post about Odisa and his visuals in his 'left side' and how sometimes things are perceived from his 'left side' - this is EXACTLY how I feel (most of the time, anyhow)! When doing various assessments, my left eye is always the one lagging behind, too. Well, when doing the VOR drills, my left eye was getting significantly strained, and at one time when trying to do the drills while keeping my eyes on an object, since I was moving my eyes towards the left outermost region of my visual field, my eyes just jumped off the object unwillingly and tweaked out, for lack of a better term.

 

The VOR drills were similar to other eye exercises, only with one large difference - in those eye drils, for the most part you keep your head entirely still while moving your eyes; with VOR drills you did the opposite - you'd keep your eyes locked on a object and then jerk your head in a specific motion while keeping your eyes on the object.

 

Overall, the past 2-3 days, as well as today, my DP/DR has been present yet at a significantly reduced amount, and I haven't had a panic attack; though, perhaps that is the cumulative effect of doing 0.5-1hz CES for the past some odd days. Today I felt pretty well, and in fact, I forgot to bring my CES device, etizolam, and l-theanine to go out to the z-trainer (all of which I brought last time). Went to my fiances and her (step?) aunt was over and her family was discussing a bunch of topics that could really stir me up, yet I maintained a certain amount of levelheadedness. The one thing I'm a little disheartened over, though, is my visuals right now are worse.... Visual acuity is increased, to a small degree my auras are decreased, yet my visual snow, eye floaters, flashes of light/starbursts, orbs/colors, and after images are all more noticeable. This could just be an indication of fatigue, though. 

 

I'm not sure how I should spend allotted amount of my paycheck now, lol. I've been getting good results with z-health and will be going and doing more 'hands on' sessions in the coming weeks, along with training at home, but I don't know if I should purchase some of the needed TAG-Sync gear and wait until next month to use it since I need a lot more gear than I can afford; pay for 5-7 NeurOptimal neurofeedback sessions; or, just seek out some quality organ meats, get some diagnostic testing, and maybe some nootropics to stack with Coluracetam, such as Oxiracetam. Any ideas, lol? 

 

Oh yeah, tomorrow or Saturday I'll be starting Coluracetam, so I'll be updating this thread daily. I'm going to try just a drop at first to rule out any allergic/adverse reaction, then test 5 or so mg to see if I'm 'sensitive', then mess around with single 10-20mg doses upon waking. Everything I've read about Colu. has pointed in the direction of it helping me A LOT due to my personal history with HPPD and what I believe caused it. 

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