Feeling f*ckin great again

[Mr.50's]

I just wanted to let everyone know I feel fucking great again. Feel just like I used. Absolutely no benzos at all in my system to. Although my visuals haven't decreased I want some people on here to know something. Although visuals are not a fun thing to have, they don't matter, as long as you feel nice and happy. Little stupid to post just this but I thought maybe some of you guys could use some hope.

[jimmyb84]

Visuals don't matter.........? Maybe for you this may be the case, but for the majority suffering quite the contrary. All that aside I'm glad you're feeling better and are making great strides towards recovery. Take it easy

[Mr.50's]

Thanks for the response jimmy. I didn't mean its nice to have visuals but its not the worst symptom for many. My hppd is relatively light and doesn't make driving at night or reading any harder than it used to. Most people with this shit disorder have other shit disorders with it like depersonalization and anxiety attacks. Once you get rid of all that shit life is just a little bit worse than before hppd, that is if your visuals are not bad by themselves.

[jimmyb84]

Yes I would agree with your response 50.

I also suffer with hppd and horrendous dp/dr and would give anything to get rid of any of them in particular the ladder.

Take care and I wish you the best

[Guest]

Great news, maybe you become another success story. If you can say you´re feeling great while still having visuals, it should be a positive catalyst for living your life how you want it. When I had crazy visuals and dissociation I could hardly do anything. How´s your DP/DR?

[andrewcb]

I agree to some extent, visuals do matter but if feel good and are happy you don't concentrate on those visuals. That is why I use to take Hydrocodone, it didn't help with my visuals but it helped with my attitude which in return helped with my visuals or just made me not care about them.

[etardnow]

hello. wow i havent been here for about a month now.

i can relate what you mean by visuals not mattering because although my visuals havent changed, and even maybe worsened a bit more, my sense of self and being content with life has improved alot.

 

to be a bit honest, i think this site is a bit toxic for our condition. i mean sure there are certain 'ways' and support to help us maintain our sanity but none of them are a permanent solution and i dont see one surfacing anytime soon. it only feeds the subconscious anxiety for those who cant handle it. *edit: its toxic because being a part of this forum is a constant reminder that we are not at a normal healthy state. i feel that it conscious or subconsciously, it impedes our progress into finding content with ourselves. 

 

however, time is the REAL cure. as i mentioned, visions havent changed at all but my state of mind has improved tremendously. it is only now that i can reflect back that i realize what kind of a hectic panicked anxious state of mind i was in. whats funny is that even two month ago, i said the same thing. If i really imagine pre-hppd, i realize that , yes, my mentality is in a hyperawareness fight-or-flight mode and this greatly affects how we perceive our hppd.

 

I have hppd for about 7month now and my state of mind returning to normal. The only thing that truly bothers me is the fact that im shedding a lot of hair, maybe its a lot of stress or i also believe that its due to the hormonal/neurotransmitter changes but nothing can be done about that and im slowly starting to accept it as a part of me and hppd. had to shave my head to adjust to it.

 

even things like tinnitus, i really have to get my attention to focus on it for me to become aware of it. before, i would 100% hear tinnitus before sleeping but now, its not something that my attention goes to. quite amazing to learn that conditioning/self-behaviour therapy works. i said this before but its like time allows my brain to 'forget' how to bring such things to attention. its a bit different from being cured. if i focus it, i can bring it to my attention and the intensity is still at baseline so i wouldnt say its an improvement of the actual symptom but rather it is having to forget how to bring it to attention is whats happening for me.  

 

if two symptoms of mine were to go away, shedding hair and the feeling of sinusitis, i would say that hppd is a small part of my life. the hair part sucks cuz its a physical visual symptom.

 

oh and i did the whole healthy diet and no junk food, caffeine, alcohol lifestyle for about 6 month and i lost a good amount of weight, about 20kgs but it did nothing to help my hppd. i cant say the same for you guys but i started to indulge in the sinful foods again a it doesnt make me worse, in fact it kinda helps me feel 'normal' again. i even started drinking alcohol again and it hasnt changed anything. i did try a couple powder specks (yes, specks, like 10< grains of coke lol) coke and i believe it intensified my starbursting by 1% so a drugs are still a no no for me; dont blindly do a whole line just cuz you think you "can handle it". edit* and remember this is my account, i have read a few stories of where conditions where alcohol worsened hppd so be cautious.

 

anyways ill be back in a month or two. keep on the fight, good luck bros and sis. 

[Mr.50's]

Thanks for the replies guys, still feeling fucking amazing! Just waiting for visuals to go away might start on keppra but to be honest I don't care life is good and I hope you guys all feel better soon.