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To and through Hell and back: An HPPD'ers True Tale


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Hi everyone! Ive been a longtime observer of this and the old forum. I was struck with strong symptoms of HPPD about 11 years ago after a heavy dose mushroom trip. Had all sorts of nasty symptoms(indoor rain/snow/static, floaters, trails and halos, tracers, light blobs, geometric patterns when eyes closed or in darkness/dark room, periphery vision movements, negative image retention, etc., etc., etc.). This went on for years. It affected every part of my life. About a year in, it was so bad that I contemplated suicide daily. My grades struggled, my relationship fell apart (she began thinking i was losing it--she was correct), my life was a complete mess. I honestly didnt even feel human. I felt like this messed up walking mind fucked brain in a body that doesnt even belong with it. I never could pull the trigger on suicide (no pun intended) and just dealt with it all the best i could. Things werent getting any better, but i was getting better at dealing with it all. Yes, it was 5 years of hell. A hell i wouldnt wish upon anyone. I thought my life was essentially over, that i would be this weird/disturbed socially awkward person with crazy visual anomolies that drove me nuts.

Well, after that initial 5-6 years, things did start to dramatically change. I was noticing sever symptom decrease daily. I was actually feeling less detatched and not just by ignoring the feeling of detatchment, but legitimately feeling more like a person, not some detatched body imprisoned brain. I really didnt do anything special, the symptoms just faded over time to where i had no symptoms at all. I still have no symptoms. Well, none is a stretch, but they are soooooo mild that they arent noticeable unless i seek out noticing them. I have been basically symptom free now for 6-ish years. No flare-ups or setbacks whatsoever. The only thing i did differently at the time of symptom decrease was that i began taking tramadol daily for an injury i suffered in a car wreck (herniated discs L3-L5 lumbar region low back). I found it very helpful with my anxiety/depression mood swings that HPPD brings with it. I am not recommending/encouraging everyone go get on tramadol, all i can say is that it undoubtedly helped me during that time. Hell the tramadol timing with symptom subsiding may have just been placebo or coincidence, but either way, it had a marked effect on my visuals and mental state especially.

Anyway, i write this to show everyone that recovery can happen. It took time, and alot of it, but it happened. It happened for me and my hppd symptoms were so strong/bad they were ruining my life. Stay strong everyone, (i know...thats easier said than done) the symptoms can subside and even disappear altogether over time. It happened to me, and i assure you all that i am nothing special. Good luck everyone. If anyone wants to know more detailed info on my journey through and out of the HPPD mess, just let me know. I came on here to provide hope and to help anyone that wanted my help. Again, good luck everyone, and have a wonderful day.

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